In the Center of the Roof

From the Desk of My Sleep Deprived Mind - Again

2012-02-02T06:04:00.002-07:00

Luckily it's been nearly two months since I last wrote you from this desk. Carol said the last time was really funny. I somehow doubt I'll manage to be as or more funny since I mentioned it and now the thought at topping myself is in my head. Bullocks.

Last time I had an hour and a half I think to go on, this time, a big ol' wopping zero in the sleep department! Weeeeeeee! Don't you love that commercial? I thought it was so annoying when it first came out but now I go weeeee weeeeeeee weeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! right along with it.

Huh? I don't know.

Right before I decided to splatter a text document with my crazy thoughts I got spammed on Twitter. We members of the Twitter spam army like to retweet, ok computer now you can auto correct that word and I'll go change it from retreat. Hahaha after I gave the computer permission to correct the word to retreat, I went and checked and it had corrected to "rewet". What? Um. Really? Well then. Let me just go open a website. No just kidding.

Where was I? Oh yeah. So I got this spam right before I decided to vomit into text edit and it read, with my comment added in the RT:

@Raynaadi Bloody fascinating! RT @{Like I'd leave the username here} @Raynaadi With these help it's actually so simple to become moving to another internet swarm http://{First rule of spam army, always remove the link}

Don't you love when someone who speaks a foreign language uses Google translate to spam you? I wonder if some of the tweets the Americans translate into Spanish for the baseball players sound funny.

@{Spanish speaking baseball player} Thought I you pretty game on the beach with the bases. Go #Rays!

Craptastically dumb me, why didn't I check the time when I started writing this? Ok it's 4:12am now and I wrote that and chatted with Erik a bit click clack goes the calculator buttons in my head and I'm guessing I started this at 4:06am. That's what I'm calling it. Calling a time, oh my, that sounds like T.O.D. Look out!

I pause to drink coffee I just brewed after deciding I wouldn't be going back to bed any time soon. I've only had a few sips so no blaming the caffeine for my weirdness ok? Deal? Ok.

Just chatted with Erik quite a bit. He's moving to Baltimore for his swanky new job. Orioles/Rays anyone? Yeah that's what I'm talking bout bra. Yes, I called you bra. That's what all the cool guys say. Except they aren't cool. And I'm not a guy. I wear a bra because I'm a girl and I'm not talking about wearing guys who's friends are calling them bra.

Haha I just read the last sleep deprived post. At the end I think I might organize my documents. That didn't happen. I did that last week haha! It also mentions looking at the stat counter to see if the post would yield any good search results. I haven't checked that either. I'm not going to o that now. Maybe later. So, next sleep deprived Ro, when you read this, did I check the counter?

I also mentioned the Twitter conversation about sparkling vampires with a stranger and how we hadn't followed each other. We did start following each other and I chatted with her briefly this morning. You just have to love Twitter. I know I do. Where else can you tweet about baseball and coffee and sparkling vampires and flybys and SEO and gold bikinis and the word horngry? Oh and purple.

In the other post I looked at word count. I should check this one. Drum roll? 673 it says. We're not even close to the last post. Great. Now I need to think of more slush to write. Maybe I'll proof read and see if I care to edit.

Went through and drank coffee and talked to Erik and checked Twitter. When I first got up at like 1:45 no one was up but my friend Aaron was up so we chatted and I checked some things on his site and then the east coast started waking up and people started tweeting and Erik got online so I've been entertained. I was just about to start reading cracked.com when people started showing up to talk to. Then I decided to upchuck all over my blog.

Jayden got up as soon as I came out. Well not as soon as, but he came out when he heard the keyboard. It's the Pavlovian keyboard. It means mom is on the couch.

I wonder if I didn't sleep because I was too lazy this week. I probably shouldn't try and understand why I didn't sleep. It happens.

It's now 5:47am. The east coasters and Canada have started to wake up so there's been more chatting on Twitter. I almost forgot to mention here that pain isn't what kept me up. It was in the last insomnia post, but not now. The med I'm on is really doing the trick as far as pain is concerned.

I saw my doc on Saturday night. At Joe's Crab Shack. She stopped by the table to say hi. I had to restrain myself from asking if she'll mail a lab sheet since she wants to check my thyroid again in three months. Something tells me she doesn't want to talk shop while she's about to feast on crabs. I wanted to know what she was going to eat. I'm weird.

I wonder if I'll nap at all today. I didn't last time I couldn't sleep. I remember trying, but no go. It might be different today since I haven't slept at all since before the alarm went off at 7:30am yesterday.

Ok, we're up to 1,048 words now. Before this sentence that is. I think we're about done, don't you? It's 5:57am. Do you know where your dentures are?

Audio: Hanging with Ro - Episode Six - Rant sing baseball and stuff

2012-01-31T16:57:00.002-07:00

This monster is forty-two minutes. Actually I'm writing this as I upload so that number might be wrong. The forty-two might have just been how long it's gonna take to upload. Holy crap. I have no idea how long it is. There was something I was going to warn you about, towards the end of the recording I freak out over a song but I can't remember what I was talking about to warn you.

Topics include:

*Rant about the show Stolen Voices Buried Secrets, the main reason for recording audio.

*Baseball, a spur of the moment season preview. There's a plug to BRaysBallTalk.com so I thought I'd link it. Do I have that on my blog roll yet? I don't think so. What the Fuld?

*Evan Longoria, naturally.

*Singing. Oh yes, there's singing. Sorry.

*Brief mention of politics, but who wants to hear about that.

Twitter suggestions and things that made me laugh.

*Weird dream about a C-130

There's probably more I'm forgetting. Grab a beverage and sit back, this is silly, as per usual.

Direct youtube link

Doggy Diaries - Audio - Do you want a banana?

2012-01-25T11:30:00.001-07:00

Yesterday when it was time to share a banana with Jayden, he freaked out and went on a run around the house. I had wished I had thought to record it, so today I tried to recreate it and it worked. It seems if I tease him a bit when he knows it's banana time, he gets even more excited hehe! I've got a pretty nasty cold right now and he's being a trooper about it. I'm glad I'm able to give him some fun.

Direct youtube link

Book Three in 2012 - "Under the Dome"

2012-01-23T16:58:00.001-07:00

I finished another book last night. It can always be assumed that the next book was started the day after finishing the last book. Did that make sense? Haha, I'm sick. I've pretty much been sick the whole year, but this is just your garden variety cold or flu, not sure which yet. I felt it coming on at Gamma's yesterday.

I spent this morning shopping for my next book and while I usually mostly read in bed at night, I took the new book with me while I took a long bath and then have been on the couch with it all afternoon. It will probably appear in a post in only a couple days if reading is the only thing I can manage while feeling like death warmed over haha.

Anyway, last night I finished, "under the Dome" by Stephen King. B read it awhile back and has been bugging me to read it. Before I had an Audible membership I thought I'd never get it because it was like $45 on iTunes. My friend JB found it on mp3 CD on Amazon for only $10 bucks though, so I've had it awhile but had other books to read first. I really enjoyed it. It was incredibly disturbing, but not just because a mysterious and impenetrable dome falls around a small town in Maine. No, what as most disturbing was the human element in this town. Of course there were plenty of good people but the bad were baaaaaad. So bad in fact that I questioned my own morality when I wanted to see bad things happen to these people. They were so bad that B had me scared of our own town car dealer mogul and his commercials.

B didn't like the ending but I did. In fact it's been awhile since my usual disappointment in a King ending. Not since "Duma Key" have I disliked an ending.

The book I picked today is not a Stephen King book. I really want to read "The Stand" but it doesn't appear to be available in audio format which is very sad.

I might write a whole other post about how I plan to use Audible and I'll probably be including a rant about abridged books. Have I ranted about that before here?

Ok, I'm dizzy. Here's the list:

1. "IT" - Stephen King - Finished 1/4/12

2. "The Concrete Blonde" - Michael Connelly - Finished 1/9/12

3. "Under the Dome" - Stephen King - Finished 1/22/12

Doggy Diaries - Jayden the guide hiker dog

2012-01-21T14:25:00.001-07:00

Yesterday B drove us out to Sabino Canyon, a great place with hiking trails. It might be just out of town or it might even be considered in town, I'm not sure. Point is, it's close. I haven't been out there in a very long time. I think the last time I hiked the trails was when I was in my early twenties. B took last week off so we decided to do something different on Friday. It wasn't the all day event I was used to when it came to hiking. We didn't go until after noon and only spent a little more than an hour there, but it was awesome nonetheless.

First, I had no idea dogs weren't allowed there. We stopped at the little booth where you pay five bucks for the day. Jayden was sitting between my feet and the ticket guy said no dogs were allowed. Luckily he was good at his job and understood when we said Jay was a service dog. He didn't ask for any proof but did ask if he had a harness so other patrons wouldn't give us any problems. He then told us that the disabled can get a pass and visit national parks for free. I had no idea. Pretty cool.

I was surprised how busy the parking lot was for a Friday. I'm sure it was mostly hikers leaving since most people do these things early. We stopped at the visitor center so I could use the restroom.

"Well hello, doggy!" cam a woman's exclamation from the next stall. Jay and I had squeezed in since there wasn't a big stall, or if there was, Jayden couldn't find it since he always takes me to the big ones.

I found Jayden's head under the dividing wall and started telling him no when the woman laughed and said it was ok, she was a dog person, a groomer. "How did you get in here, are you a service dog?" she asked Jayden.

I wonder what she would have done if Jayden had said yes while gazing up at her with his head under the partition between toilets.

We found B again and headed towards the trail. There's a main trail and then different trails branch off of that. At the foot of the trails are signs explaining how far the trail goes and what it's named. The first one was just a quarter mile loop, so we decided that would be a good starter.

I had Jayden heeling while B and I did human guide, just while I got used to my surroundings and I also thought Jayden might enjoy just walking and looking around. At first I thought this wasn't going to work, that Jayden didn't like being there or something because he was dragging like mad. I hitched is collar up under his ears and he heeled briefly and then he began dragging again. Hmmmm.

Once B and I were on the little loop I thought maybe Jayden hadn't been comfortable at the quick pace B was walking. After all, this was brand new terrain and Jayden is very cautious with me. I let go of B and picked up the harness handle and Jayden began to walk no problem. I swear he had been protesting earlier hahaha! *I'm* her guide. What are *you* doing guiding her?

We did a rework once towards the beginning of the loop. There was a little foot bridge and I brushed something on my right. Jayden should have stopped anyway since it was a drastic change, from dirt to wood. After that rework, he was perfect. He showed me the edge of the bridge and then followed B perfectly throughout the loop.

B told me once about cactus on my right but Jayden walked past it slowly and without problems. When the dirt got a little rocky, not so much that I had to step over anything, but enough of a change, Jayden slowed down which reminded me to pick up my feet more. When it smoothed again he sped up. The boy was in the zone! He was in his element, making sure I was safe with all the challenges. He was panting and trotting and when I knelt to get water out of my bag for us, he gave me kisses. It was almost like he was telling me, "this is awesome!! Why haven't we done this before?"

We made our way to the next trail which wasn't a loop. We decided to give it a go, knowing we could always turn back if we had to. Almost immediately, Jayden stopped dead. I probed out with my foot. Definitely an obstacle I'd say haha! It was a jutting piece of rock I had to step over. B said he purposely didn't say anything, wondering what Jayden would do. Jayden waited for me to investigate it and figure out how to clear it and didn't move until I told him forward. There were several more of these little rock things that Jayden had to help me get over. We got to one that I couldn't figure out with just my foot so I got my cane out to decipher the lenth of what I needed to get over. It worked perfectly, Jayden stopping, me investigating with the cane. We would have gone further because my confidence with all this was soaring. Jayden was being absolutely incredible. At one point I needed him to go forward a few steps so I could feel the depth of what I had to cross. It's hard to explain. The teamwork was unbelievable. I needed no help from B, in fact when he tried to help, his descriptions didn't even make any sense haha!

We would have continued but my knees gave massive protest. I had them wrapped in bandages, but it became clear I need actual braces to attempt hiking. The bandages work great for simple walking, but not making my way over rocks and stepping up and down like we had to do.

On our way back we took the loop again, going in the opposite direction. I could feel Jayden's excitement traveling up through the harness handle. There's a bounce in him when the work is different and challenging I just can't explain.

I was disappointed to head back to the car but I knew it was probably a good idea. I haven't been well for a few weeks so this was really my first bit of exercise in quite awhile.

Jayden passed out in the car. When we got home I showered and then did a long leg stretching session. Jayden was passed out on the floor on his mat next to where I stretch and I lay down with him for awhile. He only budged to eat dinner haha!

I'm not too sore today. A little tightness in the quads but nothing bad. When B got up he said his calves were pretty sore. He never exercises so I'm sure his body was going, what the heck?

It was awesome! I'd love to say I'll get knee braces and we'll go back but I know B too well. It won't happen. He was off work last week and that's why we went but as soon as he goes back to work the weekends won't be free for hiking. Also, to attempt the harder trails we'd need to go earlier and that will never happen.

I'm going to ask Georgie though, since she loves exercising and hiking and stuff. Maybe she'll have time to go there before it gets hot again.

I was just so impressed with jayden. That was the first time I had ever done anything like that since getting a guide dog. I didn't go to that Miur Woods day while at GDB. I can never spell those woods haha! So this was the closest I'd had to that sort of experience. It was incredible to hike again. It really was just so amazing! I trusted him more out there than I do in the mall! What's up with that? Haha!

Thoughts from a...I don't know how to describe my mind at the moment

2012-01-16T15:54:00.003-07:00

I wish I could blog about the last couple weeks with brutal honesty but I can't, unless I want to completely embarrass myself, which I don't want to do. Hahaha! I'll just say, imagine some of the strangest things you've ever had to do, the weirdest you've ever behaved about something silly, and there you have it. It's been an interesting start to the year, to say the least.

Things aren't bad at least. Routines just haven't gotten back to normal. Hopefully by next week they will. The combination of waiting on the repair guy, strange physical ailments and now B being off this week has made it hard to get back into exercising like I was, which has caused it's own set of problems.

I can tell you this. If you exercise regularly and then stop for a brief amount of time, becoming more inactive than normal, do not, under any circumstances, chew a Pepto Bismol tablet every day for a week, no matter how badly a medication upsets your stomach. Just don't do it. I really have no desire to explain why so just take my advice if you trust me. If you don't trust me, still do not under any circumstances take a Pepto Bismol tablet every day for a week. I assume the liquid is just as bad if taken daily. Don't do it, you hear?

Ok, now I feel better.

Today a question was asked on Twitter, not by anyone I follow, it was retweeted: Why do blind people have lights in their homes?

As you might be aware, we don't have any living creature with working eyes in our homes, so why on earth would we need lights? Blind people only mate with other blind people and if they have sighted family, they don't invite them over. Sighted people aren't friends with blind people. So yeah, we really don't need lights. Cats are designed to see in the dark, and blind people having guide dogs is purely a myth. No such creature exists. This blog is a lie. If I had a guide dog, he'd surely like light at night when it's dark.

In other news, I have a crush on a man named Barbie who doesn't exist. I think that's the safest kind of love, right? I curl up in bed with him every night as he tries to save a town from a crazy man. When I'm tired, I go to sleep and leave him in mid step sometimes. He is who he is and I know that will never change because that's how he was written. Pretty perfect, wouldn't you say?

Ah, I just paused in writing this to take a shower. I still have no idea if the repair man will be here today. Story of this year so far. B had stepped out so I waited for him to get back. It was one of the best showers I've ever had. There's something about a shower when you haven't been feeling good that just feels amazing.

Ok, it's now a one week countdown until life gets back to normal, hopefully. Clock…start…now!

PS - My computer hates the word "retweeted". It always corrects to "retreated". So if there's ever a post I don't feel like editing when I type something like, "David Price retreated me again", you'll know what I meant.

PSS - Can one retreat another? Can that be an adverb describing something a person does to another person? And if so, what exactly would David Price have done to me if he retreated me?

Frustrated

2012-01-11T09:25:00.002-07:00

I'm totally going to complain in this post because it's my blog and I'm allowed to.

Sometimes I feel like the last one on everyone's list of priorities. Like I can be brushed aside or something. I'm really annoyed right now because months ago there was a leak in my bathroom. A piece of the wall needed to be replaced and the repair guy forgot. He had mentioned at the time that it was crazy with the end of the year coming and stuff, so I called last week to remind him of it and let him know about some new stuff that I needed done, like a new shower head since the water here is so hard it ruins stuff. My kitchen sink faucet is also messed up due to the hard water.

He came on Friday and began work on the wall and replaced the shower head. He needed to get a piece of wood cut and the faucet and he said he'd be back Monday, Tuesday at the latest he said.

Today's Wednesday. He hadn't come back. I called the office yesterday and left a message. I never heard anything. I called this morning. Repair guy said he's still waiting on the piece of wood and would be here tomorrow. I told the manager that our oven isn't working right now either, so he put in a work order for that. So will the repair guy show up today to look at the oven? No idea. I hate not knowing when someone will show up or when something will get accomplished. Yesterday I needed a shower but didn't know if he was going to show up. He has a key, so that's a little awkward. I finally just gave up and put the security latch on the door so he wouldn't be able to get in if he showed up. Now it's looking like I'll have at least two more days of this not knowing.

I never have issues with where I live. I absolutely love it here. I think this just hit me today because it's just another reminder that the only person you can fully rely on is yourself.

I'm also annoyed because I haven't gone to the gym so I can stay home for this, and I don't want to begin a workout here only to be intrrupted. It's like life is on hold. I suppose that's my own doing, but I have my reasons.

Book Two in 2012 - "The Concrete Blonde"

2012-01-10T16:05:00.003-07:00

I finished my second book of the year last night. Last year my friend JB sent me some audio books he had on CD, one of which was "Void Moon" by Michael Connelly. I really enjoyed it and JB likes Connelly so for Christmas, he bought "The Concrete Blonde" on Audible for me. I finished it last night. I think part of the reason I read it so fast despite only reading at night is because a weekend fell in there and I stayed up way too late Friday and Saturday reading this haha! The pace is such that I just didn't think about stopping.

When I was reading "Void Moon", my first thought was that Connelly made it too easy to figure out who the bad guy was. I was wrong. I quickly learned that he is a master at making you suspect everyone. The same was true in "The Concrete Blonde", although I did have a strong suspicion about the killer about midway through and this time I was right. You better pay attention, or you'll miss the clues.

JB was a trooper when we chatted recently and I mentioned that one of the characters would make a good spinoff character. JB agreed and gave no hint that a spinoff would not be possible haha! Great poker face there, JB.

This book is part of the Harry Bosch series of books. Bosch is a detective and this book was the third in the series and JB's favorite. I plan on reading more, for sure. I asked JB if the books got old after awhile. I found that I had to stop reading the Scarpetta books by Patricia Cornwell because the formula became too predictable and she started doing things with the characters I didn't like. Same with James Patterson and the Alex Cross books. JB says the Bosch series has continued to be good.

The book was published in 1994 and it was really funny to read about communication that couldn't happen because the car had no rover. They didn't have cell phones haha! They also used pagers. Wow. Definitely a very good book. They psychology was very interesting and the relationship between Harry and Sylvia was very real, so real in fact, that I related a little too much haha!

With my next Audible credit I'm getting a three book set by Connelly in the Bosch series. Unfortunately they're later in the series, but JB said they'll still make sense. I can't beat three books for one credit.

I'm going to keep a running tally of books this year at the end of these posts.

1. "IT" - Stephen King - Finished 1/4/12

2. "The Concrete Blonde" - Michael Connelly - Finished 1/9/12

Oops, I stopped blogging again

2012-01-09T11:22:00.001-07:00

Well it's pretty obvious I've stopped blogging daily haha. It just kinda happened. I had just run out of things to blog about, but I'm determined not to neglect the blog like I did before.

Unfortunately today I'm coming down with some kind of stomach thing. I feel lousy! On the good new front though, the meeds my doc tried me on for pain are working swimingly. I take them later at night now so they'll last longer the next day. We've weather coming and while I feel it in my joints, I don't have that awful nerve pain. I finally got Glucosamine tablets again after waiting forever for them, so I'm really hoping those are going to help with the joint pain like they have in the past.

That's really about all there is to report. Life is going nicely so far this year, knock on wood. Baseball is right around the corner and I'm starting to get very excited for the season. I've missed my nice daily reprieve with my Rays!

Oh, haven't been to the gym this year. Last week was bad and today I'm waiting on the maintenance man. I know I don't have to be here for repairs, but I prefer it that way, and that's a blessing now with this stomach thing. I have worked out at home though since getting my TRX equipment. Hopefully some time I'll get a video of that now that I own my own. I'm looking forward to weighing in and checking how much holiday weight I put on haha NOT! I'll take it off though and I'm sure it's only a couple pounds. Clothes still fit fine, but I can just tell I put on one or two pounds.

Ok, I don't feel like editing. My stomach is complaining again.

Book List Begins

2012-01-04T16:16:00.001-07:00

Several people tweeted at the end of the year about how many books they read and if they met their goal or not. I'm not going to set a goal since I read for pleasure and to me a goal would be too strict, but I do want to keep track of what I read this year and it'll be interesting to see what it adds up to at the end of the year.

I just finished reading "IT" by Stephen King. Though I began it last year, I'm counting it was book one since it was a forty-four hour book and I spent all of the last two days finishing it, as well as every night since the first. I had read it as a kid and had to read it again after finishing "11-22-63", since two of the characters from "IT" were in that book.

I might get more detailed as this goes on and talk about the books as I finish them. Today I just don't have the energy, so the list is simply begun.

1. "IT" - Stephen King - Finished 1/4/12

A Day Off

2012-01-03T17:54:00.001-07:00

Do you ever just take entire days off from life? That's what I did today, cuddled with my dog while listening to "IT". Did some crocheting, making a pillow cover. Didn't even read Twitter until about five minutes ago, and then only scanned it. It's been so nice…ahhhh…quiet house, a book, my dog, coffee, crochet, perfection...

No post today

2012-01-02T16:12:00.000-07:00

I guess this is a post even though the title says no post. I'm ok, just in no mood to write a post of substance. Maybe I should relinquish myself from blogging every day so I don't have to insert stupid paragraphs explaining why there's no real post.

Just a quick first post of the year

2012-01-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

I'm only writing a quick post because I've decided to blog every day, but I don't have anything I really want to write about. I'm in a pretty good place mentally and physically but thinking back on last year isn't exactly what I want to do today. So far today is going well, saw Gamma and had a good time but last year definitely ended bittersweetly and today is still a sad day and I just want to go play some Yahtzee and eat goldfish crackers. ;)

Happy New Year and all that!

Yahtzee!

2011-12-31T15:11:00.001-07:00

I think I'm the last one in the blind community to get on board with RS Games. I've tried to participate in this gaming site pretty much since I've been on Twitter and saw all my friends talking about it, but I could never get it to work. When they added Yahtzee, I tried furiously with no luck. I absolutely love Yahtzee!

Today a friend was talking about it and I asked if he plays on his Mac. He does. I tried downloading again, no go. He put me in touch with the RS Games support person on Twitter and we finally fixed it. I have to turn off my screen reader to play. I kept thinking my computer was shutting down, but it was Voiceover, it looks like.

The game client has its own screen reader I think, but it also detects yours to use. I had to change my system voice back to Alex since Vicky was driving me nuts in the client. The thing is so cool! You don't use your screen reader to use it, so once the tech guy told me that, it made total sense. I've checked out all the games, but Yahtzee is by far my favorite. I used to play that for hours with Mom and my friends back when I was a kid.

I think the last time I played Yahtzee was when I was a drunk playing on the touch screen at the bar. It's been that long! Today I played three games with bots, the third with two bots and the fourth game with Carin. So far, I'm four for four!!

I figured I'd better fire off a post quickly before I get sucked back in hehehe! Sooooo happy!!!!

Doggy Diaries - On this date - Birthday time crunch (TRX!!)

2011-12-30T15:25:00.001-07:00

I'm firing off a post quickly while I have a few minutes. It's my birthday, yay! Hehe anyway, I was on the phone with my friend Erik all day since he called this morning to wish me happy birthday. While On the phone with him I got my birthday present to myself when UPS showed up. It's a TRX unit!!! It's the thing I've been using at the gym and I'm so excited to have one at home. I hooked it up and tested it while we talked and we just hung up a few minutes ago. I've gotta get ready shortly for my birthday dinner, another yay!

I'm so mad at myself because I meant to blog yesterday about the twenty-ninth two years ago and I totally forgot. So I'll link the post now. It's about the day I found out I was accepted to guide dog school. I read through the comments this morning and I'm so happy I have those! So, here's that post.

I'm also going to link to the post from my birthday two years ago because it was when I began the doggy countdown and started questioning everything I needed to do in preparation for doggy school.

I'm so glad I have those memories! I wonder what I blogged on my birthday last year. Haha well never mind, I just checked it out and it's basically the same post, having forgotten to write on the twenty-ninth hahahaha! Ok, not gonna edit, crunched for time.

Doggy Diaries - The Curious Case of the Bark

2011-12-29T17:24:00.001-07:00

I had a ton of laundry to do today and everything was going great after we got passed a dog that suddenly began barking very viciously, making me jump. A woman's voiced called out that I was fine as her dog kept barking and I told her I was just glad it was on leash. I'm sure she could tell I was shaken. Jayden kept looking in the dog's direction until a firm, "leave it" got him straightened out again. When we got into the laundry room, Jayden kept me from running into the laundry cart someone had left in the middle of the room. That would have hurt.

When we went back to pick up the last load, I got into the room before realizing I had forgotten the laundry bag. I told Jayden I lied about this being our last trip and we went back home to grab it. We met a new neighbor on our way back out and I let Jayden say hi after the neighbor asked if he could say hello to Jayden. I love it when people ask! We chatted for a minute and then Jay and I made our way back to the laundry room.

When we walked in I thought another dog was in the room. I knew a person was in there because as I unlocked the door I could hear movement inside. The reason I thought there was another dog in the room was because I heard a loud bark. My dog doesn't bark, therefore it must be another. I froze and tightened my hold on Jayden's leash and I heard a woman call him Jason and tell him it was ok. I asked if there was another dog in the room and she said no. I couldn't believe Jayden had barked! I've only heard him full on bark once before and that was when I first brought him home and was outside chatting with a neighbor and my friend. The neighbor had his dogs with him and Jayden barked through the security door.

This time was bizarre. I knelt down beside him after realizing it was he who had barked and his tail was clamped down firmly. What on earth? The woman kept saying it's ok it's ok and was he surprised someone was in here etc etc. I know who she is, after she said her name and I wish I had asked if it was she who had been with the barking dog earlier.

Right after I had stood back up Jayden gave a tiny whimper. I knelt back down, goofily asking him if he was ok. I try to keep concern out of my voice whenever possible. His tail was still clamped firmly. Nothing seemed to be hurting him after a quick physical so I grabbed my towels and chatted with the woman about dogs and their odd behavior sometimes.

Normally when we're walking home from the laundry room, we stroll, especially when the weather is nice. On the previous trips, we strolled home at a slow pace, just enjoying being out. This time, Jayden booked it home. I have no idea what it was, the only thing I can think is that the neighbor had been the same one with the barking dog and he was spooked. Do you think that could have been what it was? He's met her before and never reacted to her. So strange!

When we got home and I removed the harness I asked if he wanted a banana. That would be the test to see if he was hurting since he always hops like Tigger when you ask him that question. He hopped like normal and got excited and finally his tail was up. He's been fine ever since, though he seems a bit more clingy than usual.

Do you think that dog just really spooked him? When it happened I didn't scream or anything, just jumped a bit and we never stopped walking. That was only the second time in two years I've ever heard him full on bark. So weird! And the timid way he was until we left the laundry room? Wow.

Doggy Diaries - Audio - Hanging with Ro Episode Five - Sleep Deprived Goofiness

2011-12-28T16:16:00.004-07:00

This is fairly loopy audio since I didn't sleep very well last night. Enjoy! Oh, I promise the flatulence sounds are the popping of the bubble packaging stuff.

Topics include:

Opening the box of goodies from Amazon for Jayden

*Silly accents

*Comments on music playing on b's new iPod speaker

*Stephen King books

*End of the holidays

*Dirty silverware drawers

*Reviews on Amazon

Direct youtube link

Doggy Diaries - Canine Tantrum

2011-12-27T18:26:00.001-07:00

One can almost always count on animals or children to provide material on a slow idea day.

It was a very quiet and relaxed day today in the house of Ro. I realized just how mentally stimulating the weekend had been even though in comparison with most people, it was rather relaxing. Today I just craved quiet and life getting back to normal. I talked with Carol for awhile and did some cleaning. Not feeling well most of the month and then the back injury had led to chores getting a little out of hand.

When B got home, Jayden was very happy to see him. Usually it's not a big deal, since B is his other person. Maybe Jay noticed the difference today too, just me after a weekend full of the other people he loves, who knows.

B started dinner and I got back on my computer, tweeting and listening to the Lightning game. Jayden kept putting his chin on my leg but when I'd pet him, he'd back away. He was freshly fed and relieved so I thought he wanted attention, but every time his head was on my leg and I'd touch him, he'd back away. What the heck?

I got on the floor with him because sometimes he just wants floor time with me. I pet him and he backed away. I knelt and began a physical, just touching him on his back, belly and hips, ears, tail and feet to see if anything was bothering him. No pain response but his tail wasn't wagging with vigor either which meant he didn't want to play. What on earth?

Finally he walked over to the left side of the couch. The big couch, the one that could probably sit four people. He sat and stared at the left side of the couch. I followed the way his head was pointing and discovered the problem.

Spinelli, the smallest of the cats, was curled up there. There was plenty more real estate on the couch but oh no, Spinelli was on the left side, Jay's favorite side. I picked Spinelli up and Jayden immediately hopped on the couch and curled up for his normal evening nap.

Is my dog spoiled? Sure he is. I don't like it when I can tell he's not happy, even over something so silly. I could almost hear him mentally stomping his foot and throwing a tantrum. "How dare that cat be in my spot! Does she know who I am?"

How Not to Spill Coffee on your Electronics

2011-12-26T18:43:00.002-07:00

I know it's exciting to buy the matching memory foam back cushion to your awesome memory foam bum cushion. You're excited to put it on the chair and start getting used to it. This is all perfectly fine if it's the only thing you're doing, but the chance of an accident increases the more things you have on your mind.

Example 1: Your labrador knows it's almost dinner time and you've just gotten back from the quick errand in buying the back cushion. Your dog is, as a result, at your feet and jumping up every time you move. Trying to strap on the back cushion and ignore your dog is challenging, especially when you really, really love your dog.

Example 2: You are waiting for your man to call to ask you what kind of soup you want after he's made the salads he's buying for dinner at Sweet Tomatoes. The fact that the phone might ring any minute has you distracted and you're hoping you'll get the back cushion on in time to feed and relieve your dog before dinner arrives.

Example 3: You really shouldn't go all day without eating. Being hungry always, always magnifies clumsiness and brain fog.

Just one of those three examples are really all you need to equal a disaster, especially if you've left a full cup of coffee on the coffee table. Next to your wireless keyboard. And your wireless headphones. And your iPhone.

Now, it's possible that if you hadn't been so distracted, you would remember where the coffee cup was when you heard your man's ringtone. Then again maybe not. And it won't matter if you use a fat travel mug with a lid on it, because the force with which you'll hit the cup with your arm while kneeling near the table fastening the back cushion will pop the lid off, spilling your entire cup of coffee on the aforementioned electronics. It will be a good thing, you'll think later, that the cup had sat awhile and was only slightly warm.

Don't bother double tapping your iPhone to answer the call. If the screen is warm with coffee, it won't register. Quickly rub the phone on the leg of your jeans, your expensive jeans, to dry the screen. Who cares about the coffee stain, your phone is more important. Answer the call.

If you have a home phone, don't panic that he sounds like he's talking under water, or coffee. Well, it's ok to panic a little. Simply call him back on the home phone and settle on the same soup you had last time. You'll be too worried about electronics to care about soup.

After you hang up, don't bother with paper towels. No really. Are you listening? Get a bath towel. Just trust me. Also, if you feel tears welling up in your eyes, give yourself a pep talk as you grab the bath towel. Say this to yourself. "Don't cry, just don't cry. Crying won't help anything. Just clean this up." You'll think you're silly but it works. Tears won't come and you'll perform more efficiently.

Don't be surprised when you turn the wireless keyboard over and hear coffee pouring out of it. Spread the towel down on the table and lay your keyboard upside down on the cloth. It's ok to test if it still works, since you'll want to turn it off. You'll be amazed when it works. You'll test it later, after you've left it to dry on a paper towel. Paper towels work ok for this part of the scenario.

You might find that you can wring coffee out of the ear cushions on your wireless headphones. Make sure they're off and gently squeeze with the towel. Hang them to dry on your desk.

Don't be alarmed that your iPhone still smells of coffee after you've dried it. It should work fine, as long as you dry it off quickly, which you did while picking soup using the home phone.

Feed your dog, take him outside, enjoy your dinner when it arrives. If you've been nursing a back injury, lean on the heating pad while you eat since you'll probably feel a new pull after racing around the house in a panic grabbing a towel after paper towels did nothing.

After your belly is full, test your iPhone some more after eating. Breathe a sigh of relief that you can hear phone calls. Test your wireless headphones. It would be a good idea to turn them on before they're on your head or else you might scare yourself as you flip the switch. It'll most likely turn out ok, but you never know.

Fool around with your seat cushion some more and begin writing a blog post. Consider checking your keyboard, but make the wise choice and let it dry upside down overnight. It did work after you poured coffee out of it, but it's better safe than sorry.

Thank your lucky stars that so far, everything is ok with your beloved electronics and your Macbook wasn't on the coffee table, otherwise you'd be returning the back cushion and selling your soul to afford new devices.

Christmas Weekend

2011-12-25T17:33:00.001-07:00

Last night we went to my uncle's for Christmas dinner. Growing up, Gamma used to make pork tenderloins with all the fixins. After my Mom and Grandpa died, Gamma eventually stopped making the tenderloin dinner. My uncle and aunt made it at their house in 2007. The only reason I remember that was it was my last Christmas sighted and I was working at the doctor's office. I remember being exhausted since we worked a half day that day. B didn't go at all because he worked a full day that day, so he had never had the tenderloin dinner.

This year my uncle and his new wife decided to make the tenderloin dinner. Gamma and I had been excited ever since we heard about it!

Because my uncle's house has a very open floor plan, Jayden had to stay on duty by my side the entire time. I don't know the house well and there's nothing to navigate with since it's so open. Jayden did great, even stopping at the area carpets to let me know they were there, and where the concrete met dirt when I took him outside. I think he wondered why all the people he knows were at this strange building and especially why he was on duty the whole time. He's never on duty at Gamma's house, since I know it so well.

It was a great night and the food was delicious! It was the ultimate comfort food. Even B, the picky eater, ate everything. Gamma even made her jello mold, another dish she hasn't made in forever. I ate so much I easily made myself look pregnant by sticking out my full stomach haha!

Today, Gamma and I had our typical Sunday and had leftover tenderloin sandwiches on rye bread along with the jello salad. There was lots of yummy sounds to be heard.

It's been a very restful weekend, though yesterday I was a bit stoned, having taken my new med in the morning. I took it in the morning on Friday and wasn't really affected by it, but it's a cumulative med, duh. So yesterday I was quite sluggish and sleepy.

Today I started feeling like I might be coming down with something. About midway through the afternoon at Gamma's my throat started getting achey and scratchy. Ooooh noooo!!! I hope I'm not getting sick, because I need to hit my home gym this week and start working off all this food!

I hope you all had a great weekend, whether you celebrate the holiday or not!

Another baseball player Q&A by Morgan

2011-12-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

My Twitter friend Morgan has begun doing blog posts featuring baseball players on Twitter. She asks them a question and then saves their responses for a blog post. What you don't see if you don't follow her and the same players, is the hard work she puts into collecting these awesome responses for us to read.

The guys have thousands of followers, no doubt equalling thousands of tweets at them a day. The best way to catch them and get a response is to wait and pounce the second they tweet something. That's what Morgan does for the weeks leading up to these Q&A posts. I'm so happy she got all the responses for this that she did!

Do you ever wonder what player, dead or alive, guys would want to be teammates with? Click here to find out.

Be sure to vote for your favorite, too. Morgan compiled the guys most mentioned by the players. I voted for Lou Gehrig. I think it's probably pretty clear why, if you know me.

Thanks Morgan, for putting together another awesome post!

Oh, in case you missed her first Q&A on the craziest things baseball players have been asked to sign, click here.

Here, have a post (Title stolen from the Vomit Comet)

2011-12-23T19:59:00.001-07:00

I have a blog post by my Twitter friend Morgan I want to plug but I need to remember to blog earlier in the day. It's only 7:30 and I'm so ready for bed. I want to give her post my full energy so it will have to wait. It's so cool! Maybe I'm just being mean and making baseball fans wait.

I recently finished Stephen King's new book, "11-22-63". Incredible book, just incredible. I don't have enough brain power to really write it up but I'll just say I loved it and had an intense desire to read "IT" again. I first read that book in fourth grade, then again in eighth and I've wanted it in audio for awhile now. Unfortunately Stephen King books are very expensive. I wasn't sure I wanted to use an Audible credit on it since I only get one a month, but B saved the day today, showing up with a $25 gift card for iTunes. I'm currently downloading "IT" and got it for nine bucks. Sweet! He also got me a speaker for my iPhone, which makes books sound so much better. I've been just holding my phone and using the built in speaker, but that makes a very tiny sound. B's co-worker got us a Music Bullet and I've enjoyed hearing my books on that at night, so B decided an actual speaker would be nice. I'm really going to appreciate the volume buttons on it, that's for sure. When you turn up the volume on the audio book on the phone, the screen reader gets louder too, which is rather annoying.

That's a really long story to explain that I'm very much looking forward to going to bed. I'm almost done with "A Separate Peace", so I might begin "IT" tonight.

I experimented with taking my new med this morning. My doc recommended that I take it at night since it can make you drowsy. I felt like I was wasting all my pain relief on sleep though and I haven't gotten very sleepy at night on it. I can't tell if it made me sleepy today or not, since I've had to rest my back today. Laying around on the heating pad and taking a long bath are rather relaxing activities, so I might just be sleepy from that. I also managed to do yoga this morning. My back had definitely tightened up over night so the yoga helped stretch me out again.

The injury is definitely healing. The pain is getting smaller, if that makes any sense. That's a big relief. I'm still being uber careful though, and poor Jayden is being a champ about being patient with me.

Speaking of Jayden, I got the holiday greetings from GDB today. It was so cool! My eyes definitely misted a few times. I got to hear my field rep and my main class instructor! Yay! There were many others of course, several I talked to while at school. I was hoping to hear from Mr. Bad News since his wife was pregnant while I was in class, but he wasn't featured. Jayden was curled up with me on the couch when I got the email, so he got lots of loving. Just about every other person said something like, "give your dog a hug from me" so Jay got even more attention than normal.

It made me wish I had recorded some kind of holiday greeting this week while I had time alone in the house. I thought about singing the song I sang solo in while in that choir, but I don't have the music track anymore. Why did I delete that!?!? I have the CD somewhere, but who knows where. Oh well.

Blogging every day has been great and I'm happy to have a record of the last month and a half but it's certainly not helping me write fiction. It's like the fiction writer in me has fled. Although, maybe once I get used to this med and stop being miserable physically, that will help? Who knows.

I do know that as soon as I'm feeling better I have to attack this house. I haven't cleaned in days. Sitting around and doing nothing for days on end is wearing on me. I'm usually at least somewhat active every day. This too shall pass. This is probably my body's way of saying hey, let's chill for awhile, ok? Sound good? Ok, I'll listen.

Speaking of the body, Applebee's healthy menu rocks!! I had a stake and shrimp dinner tonight and oh was it heaven, mmm. And from the healthy menu! Yay! Tomorrow won't be such healthy food hehe! Dinner with my family. Can't wait!

Ok, tomorrow I will blog about Morgan's post during the day when I'm not half asleep. Want a hint? It's another Q&A with baseball players on Twitter. Did you miss her first one? I blogged about it here. And if you follow that link and then the link within that post you'll go to Morgan's blog and you can check out her latest post if you don't want to wait for me to get around to blogging it. ;)

Back injury update

2011-12-22T19:24:00.001-07:00

Just a quick post to say that my massage therapist is a miracle worker. It was intense when he first began working on the problem area. It has to hurt to get better. I was on my stomach when he first began working on it, and then he did the rest of my back and such.

My hamstrings were definitely tight as heck and he laughed when I told him I blogged about how he'd scold me. When I flipped over on to my back he did my legs and then went back at the problem area. This was when I nearly passed out. He got his fingers under my hip bone and then had me lift the leg. I could barely do it. He let me rest and then I had to lift the leg again and that time, he really got in there and we both felt the nerve bundle release. My palms were sweaty and I was dizzy even though I was laying down.

It was amazing how much better I could move afterward but I still have to be very careful and rehab this injury. He wanted me back on the heat when I got home to keep it from tightening up again. It has tightened up a little even though I've had the heating pad strapped to my back. I'll have to keep babying it for sure. I have no idea what aggravated this old injury but this time it's worse than the first, wow.

Tomorrow I'll soak in the tub for awhile and do some stretching. I was telling him I'm glad my legs are strong, because they've definitely had to pick up the slack since I can't bend. He said being strong helps injuries heal faster, because you have other areas of the body to compensate. So glad I've worked so hard in the gym!

Tonight I was able to eat dinner without wanting to vomit. Last night I ended the day in tears and today started with tears. Maybe my eyes will stay dry now. Time will tell, but this sure was a doozy!

I want to thank those of you on Twitter last night who sent me virtual hugs and support. It helped get me through until I could get to bed and just cry. Tonight will be better when I go lay down, I'm almost sure of it. Glad I have one last thermal patch to put on so hopefully I won't tighten up too badly while sleeping. We've got another storm rolling in, so now it's all about preventative measures to keep this thing healing.

Because I've made myself write daily

2011-12-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

I'm writing just to report that I'm not really writing today since I've decided to post every day through December because I like having a good record of my life but I am completely miserable tonight with my tweaked back and hopefully seeing my massage guy tomorrow will help but for now the pain is so bad it's making me dizzy and nauseous and I managed to fake a good mood getting my hair cut but right now I want to crawl into bed and not wake up until January second. Goodnight.

This that and other stuff

2011-12-20T19:33:00.002-07:00

It's cold out and I'm leaning back on an ice pack. I don't remember when it was, at least a year ago, that I pulled something in my back while making the bed. I think I was still having O & M lessons with Dave because I remember him telling me that sort of injury takes awhile to heal and is easy to injure again. I don't even think I did anything specific to it this time. I don't remember feeling that pop like I did the day I tucked the sheet and cried out in pain. This has been a gradual thing since yesterday morning. Luckily I remembered that ice was the best thing for it the first time, so I'm doing that again. I also see my massage therapist on Thursday and I can hear him now.

"Why aren't you stretching those hammies? Didn't I tell you to keep stretching those hammies to prevent back injuries? Didn't I? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

Ok, he probably won't sound like that, but he will scold me. He's not your typical fluff and buff massage therapist. He's more like, a muscle health drill sergeant. Yeah, that's pretty accurate. I guarantee he will scold me about my hammies. I get in and out of the habit of stretching them daily. It's hard to remember to stretch on days I don't work my legs. My bad.

In other pain related news, today was probably the best I've felt in a long time, despite the back pain. I took the new med last night and within an hour I felt the nerve pain begin to melt away! I could actually move without staggering this morning and when I checked the weather at about ten I was shocked to find the humidity at 90%. I didn't feel it!

Unfortunately I started to feel the waves of tension along my nerves early this afternoon while I was waiting for Carol and Georgie to come for a shopping trip. My doc wants me to take the meds at night since they may cause drowsiness, but after the holidays I'm going to experiment with taking them in the morning. If I can do that and function, they'll work great. It doesn't make much sense if my pain is gone while I'm sleeping and not the whole time I'm awake.

I didn't have much energy for shopping today since we went in the afternoon, but it was still a success. I fit into a pair of designer jeans; my first ever expensive pair. I got to meet Georgie's daughters for the first time and I told them I needed to know their voices. I called one by name and asked her to talk. She did. Then the other one. She sounded like the first. I could not tell them apart and they aren't twins. They are super close though, and we had fun. They took off and did their own thing while the adults shopped so I didn't get much time with them, but they were delightful kids.

I can't hear that Christmas song, "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" now without thinking about my doc. She is the coolest doc I've ever known. She's the kind of woman I'd like to go shopping with. She cracked the funniest joke during my exam on Monday but unfortunately I don't want to write it in public. Every time I hear that song on a commercial now, I laugh inside.

I'm working on another sestina. The other one I wrote was so bad since I was just trying to get a feel for it. Today I discovered that it is supposed to be written in iambic pentameter. Wow does that make it more difficult. I love the challenge, though.

There's a college football game being played at the Trop. It's wrong to hear the official's whistle and no cowbell. I miss baseball so much!

Jayden did well today but I need to remember when I go shopping to use the GL from the get go. He is so people distracted. It was easy to fix the dog distraction problem because there's never one hundred dogs in a place but at the mall, there's no avoiding people and the distraction is so brief it's hard to catch and fix it with a time out or obedience. The GL fixes the problem. I'm so grateful that my GDB instructor pounded into my head to never leave home without it.

Yesterday Jayden kept me from what could have been a really bad fall. The paratransit driver pulled up next to the curb instead of the ramp for some reason when he picked me up from the Doc. I had no idea and Jayden absolutely refused to get on the van. I probed out and discovered about a six inch gap between the curb and the van steps. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if Jayden hadn't alerted me to something I needed to be aware of before boarding. Isn't intelligent disobedience cool???

Jay is curled up with me on the couch as I lean back on my ice. I can't wait to go to bed soon and begin reading "A Separate Peace" by John Knowles. It was a book I had to read in high school and loved and I found it on Audible, blissfully unabridged. T minus thirty minutes.

Quick pain situation update

2011-12-19T19:42:00.002-07:00

I almost didn't blog today since I pretty much ran out of time, but I just wasn't ok with that haha! Crazy how when you get in a habit, you just don't want to break it. Or maybe that's just me and I'm being silly.

I probably won't edit this post since it's almost bed time and it's been a long day. I saw the doc today for my yearly physical and told her about all the pain I've ben in when the bad weather comes. We're going to try me on low doses of a seizure medication that is also used to treat neuropathy, since the worst of my pain is nerve pain.

I was going to have her check my calcium levels, since bone pain can be caused by the leaching of calcium but since the body leaches calcium, you can't test for low levels, because it will always be the right level, or tow high, but never too low in the blood. So I'm going to start on a calcium supplement as well, to see if my body is leaching calcium, causing bone pain. I drink a lot of milk, but that doesn't mean I'm getting enough.

So…it was a good visit. Everything looks good but of course we won't know for sure until labs come back. I start the drug tonight. It's taken daily, not as needed for pain. I knew she'd want to start on the non narcotics first and work up of we have to and I'm just fine with that.

She had nothing to lecture me about and is happy with my amount of exercise and everything. Oh and my eyes don't respond to light at all now. They used to still bounce, but not anymore. Shocker lol.

Jayden kept me from falling between the curb and the van when we left. Fore some reason the driver didn't pull up so the door was next to the ramp and Jayden was hesitant to get on. I probed and found a gap between the curb and the van steps. That would have been a nasty turned ankle. Thank you, Jayden!

Plugging new music

2011-12-18T17:57:00.001-07:00

Steve over at the Vomit Comet was asked by his brother to plug a music sample for a friend of his. After I listened to it, I decided I'd do the same and tonight is perfect since it is not even close to a good physical day for me.

Here is the post about it and here is the song over at youtube. The song is called, "Radio".

I like the song because it's got an organic sound, not all auto tuned. It sounds like he probably recorded it on his own equipment and like Steve said in his post, the effects are a bit overwhelming during some points and kind of drown out the lyrics, but it's a good song in my opinion.

Since the internet and youtube seems to be replacing the radio for new artists, I thought I'd help since to me, when it comes to new talent, talent is the operative word. Of course music is subjective and maybe people like the new robotic auto tuned music, but I sure don't. Hope you enjoy "Radio". I did!

Doggy Diaries - Jayden and the Car Wash

2011-12-17T15:58:00.002-07:00

B and I decided to brave the mall today so I could grab something to wear to the family's house for Christmas that isn't jeans and a tank top. My nicer clothes have long since been donated after all my weight loss and I wanted to have something a little nicer to wear this year.

Before going to Dillards, we stopped at the carwash since B washes it on Saturdays. It's just one of those drive through car washes and neither of us thought about how it might affect Jayden. He was curled up between my feet until he heard the water begin rushing over the car, and then he lifted his head. It got a little louder and he tried to burry his face under my leg. He does this in the car, but something told me he was a little freaked, so I put on my uber goofy voice and B and I chatted animatedly.

Jayden eventually stood up and gazed out the windows at the things traveling around the car. B said at first he looked panicked, but he eventually just looked curious the sillier I got. If the handler is happy, things must be ok, right?

As we went through the drying process it sounded like we were in a military jet taking off. Mind you, I've never been in a military jet taking off, but I've been in an airliner and this was way louder. After we drove out, B jumped out of the car to get some quarters for laundry, and Jayden stared after him like, you are coming back, right? That was just freaky.

I didn't even think to have some kibble with me, which I always have if we're going to be somewhere long or something might be freaky for him. So, if you're going to take your dog in a car through one of those, just have something on hand to comfort him and be prepared to be extra goofy. That's my forte, so we were ok. ;)

Jayden got lots of praise from the sales associates at Dillards. I always give credit to his puppy raiser when I get compliments on his behavior. And as we were leaving, I heard a mom giving her child a lesson in service dogs. Hearing that kind of discussion always warms my heart!

Using Twitter to understand where data goes when it's deleted

2011-12-16T12:36:00.001-07:00

The other day when I tried to move the audio book, "11-22-63" to my iPhone, there wasn't enough space for it. As I went through deleting other books to make room, a nagging old question surfaced and wouldn't go away. Where does data go when you delete it?

Knowing about the Law of Conservation of Energy, I couldn't wrap my brain around digital storage. I'm a visual learner and since data can't be seen, not in the physical sense like trash in a garbage can, I've always been confused by the sound of emptying my digital trash can.

Just now it hit me. The perfect way to see it all in my brain! I love those moments, when a concept just clicks.

If data is all ones and zeros combined in just the right way to make a sound file play, or a text document saved, then using Twitter to explain this makes perfect and complete sense.

Say my hard drive is a tweet. I have one hundred and forty characters to use to send a tweet. Therefore, one one one zero zero one zero one zero one one one zero zero one one one zero zero one one zero zero one zero one one zero zero zero zero fills up my character limit. Spaces count, and I know binary isn't the numbers spelled out, but that would have been a lot of numbers to get my one hundred forty character limit.

one one one zero zero one zero one zero one one one zero zero one one one zero zero one one zero zero one zero one one zero zero zero zero fills the hard drive. one one one zero zero one zero one zero one one one zero zero one one one zero zero leaves me some space, some characters left in the tweet. How did I get that space? I deleted ones and zeros. Those ones and zeros are what made up the audio book I deleted from the iPhone. So nothing actually disappears, the code just does. It's like when you're four characters over so you go change the word "two" to the number 2 and use the & symbol for the word "and" to make room. It's just deleted, like characters from a tweet. I totally get it now!

If I wipe the hard drive, I erase the tweet completely. Poof! Ah, thanks Twitter. Never knew I'd use Twitter to explain this forever nagging question!

Hanging with Ro Episode Four - Audio/Video in two parts - Canadian Bells

2011-12-15T12:23:00.002-07:00

This was totally impromptu, and had to be done after the knock on my door today. It ended up being in two parts, the first just audio and the second with video. I'm scattered in the video because my headache flared up haha. Need coffee!

I'll let the videos speak for themselves! Thanks, Carin and Steve!

Direct link to youtube audio 1

Direct link to youtube Video 2

Desert Creatures going Bump in the Night

2011-12-14T13:12:00.001-07:00

It had been raining all day. My body protested the weather though my spirits were high as I lounged on the couch for most of the day, staying warm and dry inside. All but one of the times I took Jayden out to relieve required a good toweling which left Jayden's coat even softer than normal.

As I wound down for the night my mind was on the new Stephen King book I would be starting while nestled warmly in the comfort of my bed with the memory foam mattress topper. As I hooked Jayden's leash securely on his collar, I always double check with a little tug, I realized I didn't have my towel. I cracked the sliding glass door open slightly and only heard the rhythmic tap tapping of water falling from the roof, but no steady sound of a drizzle so I continued outside.

It all happened in an instant but the memory is like a snapshot in my mind. B's music faded out as I shut the screen door and Jayden walked to the end of the patio pavement and on to the dirt. I froze as I heard a clattering from the direction of the neighbor's patio on my right. With no time to try and decipher the noise I went with my gut and turned my back on the sound. Jayden's leash tightened with his hesitation but the wordless command filled with fear that travelled from my hand down the leather to his collar made him obey the wish I could not voice and he followed me back to the door.

I ripped open the screen and as soon as I knew Jayden was over the threshold I slammed it shut, the glass door slamming just seconds after. B exclaimed from the couch but I don't remember what he said. He was up in a flash as I hit the floor, all strength suddenly gone from my legs, Jayden's leash clutched firmly in the hitchhiker's grip in my lap.

"Monsters?" B asked.

"I don't know," I whispered. I can still remember how feeble my voice was since I could not pull air into my lungs no matter how hard I tried. B, being the fearless man he is, slapped on his shoes and wen't to investigate. "Be careful," I gasped.

I sat there by the door, Jayden now looking out as I clutched his leash in a death grip. I heard no screams or sounds of attack, just B's sneakers as he moved along the pavement.

"Piggy!" he said then, in a childlike voice. "Piggy, oh another piggy! One, two, three, oh piggy by the door…" his voice trailed off as he reentered the house the way I had done just moments before. I heard the screen door close and imagined the javelina bursting through it.

"Close the door," I hissed as the door slid along the tracks and the satisfactory click of the lock allowed me to exhale. Returning breath would be difficult to grasp again.

"Piggy! Jayden sees the piggy," B said and I burst into tears. "Oh crap," he said, and knelt beside me, rubbing my back.

Only a few tears leaked as my body wracked with sobs. That is the worst kind of crying, when you're sobbing with no cleansing rush of tears to accompany it.

"Panic…attack," I managed as I concentrated on not concentrating on my breathing, the way B had instructed me when I had experienced my first anxiety attack when we were newly dating all those years ago.

"I'm sorry I made light of it, should I take Jayden out?"

I grasped his fingers, communicating that his apology was not necessary, still holding Jayden's leash, not willing to relinquish it. "Out front, go with me," I whispered and wondered if I could stand. "It's not that I don't trust you, but I'll panic if I'm not with him."

B understood completely and we went to the door. He inspected the front before I went out. My fear had transferred for a minute to Jayden, who stood by the door, unwilling to go out. "It's ok," I said in my chipper voice and he relaxed and went out. I'm sure he could smell the beasts in the air because after he was done he just wanted to sniff. B kept guard for a minute and then when I was sure Jayden was done, we went inside and I was finally able to giggle and release some of the nerves.

My body was still trembling five minutes into the new book and when one of the characters said, "life turns on a dime" I thought that sentence couldn't be any closer to the truth.

I think the rains must send smells into the air which lure the javelina close to our doors. The last time one had come onto the porch, it had been raining. Perhaps trying to explain why they come when they do helps me compute what had happened. There have never been any reports of people or dogs getting hurt by those things here at the complex, but last summer, farther in to the center of town in an old historic neighborhood, a dog was attacked by one while his person took him for an afternoon walk. I'm still not sure how it managed to sneak up on the woman. Maybe since it was daytime it was louder out, or maybe she just wasn't as observant as I am. Even with thoughts of a new book in my head, I was on high alert as always when we went outside. It's lucky those rodents of enormous size are noisy. I just wonder about the state of my neighbor's patio.

I need to talk to management about people feeding wildlife. It's cute to feed the bunnies and the birds. I've done it, not recently, but I used to enjoy watching the squirrels on my back porch munch on sunflower seeds. However you don't just attract the cute lil beasties. You also reach out to the monsters. Life, it turns on a dime, doesn't it? I'm just grateful the only result was a thumping heart and trembling limbs. Maybe Jayden will now associate the javelina with his person's fear and not think of them as play things.

Thank you for shopping with Amazon. Would you like a bra with your Audible?

2011-12-13T18:05:00.002-07:00

Oh cue the spam when this post hits Twitter.

I can't begin to describe to you just how confused I was about how audible.com would save me money. I've always known I was a visual learner, hence being great at geometry and not algebra, so what happens when you take the vision out of a visual learner? Mucho confusion about Audible, that's what.

Folks on Twitter kept trying to explain to me that Audible would be so much cheaper than iTunes, where I've been getting Audible books. Pay Audible fifteen bucks a month and get a credit. Use your credits towards books. I'm sure you're nodding your head because it makes perfect sense to you, right?

I think I thought a credit was equal to a dollar and so I thought the fifteen dollars translated into credits or something. Is that what I thought? I honestly don't know, but it really made no sense to me how I would save money. I never know when I can afford fifteen a month, but since I'll soon be changing banks, I'll be eliminating some automatic stuff so I figured now would be the time to check out Audible. After all, I could cancel it.

Going to the website made it click. A credit is worth one audio program. Ah! There was the image I needed in my head. An audio program is like holding a book in my hands and the credit is like a poker chip in my brain. Exchange. There ya have it.

So I signed up. I got in on a special, or maybe it's always this way, where the first two months are half off. So I paid seven bucks and change and got a credit. Now, what to buy what to buy.

Abridged books should be shot. No really. The word abridged should not exist and no one should publish abridged books. What is the point? If a writer writes a book that is four hundred pages, chances are they needed each page to convey the story. So why are you going to chop pages out? Have we become such a society that we can't even read an entire book?

Ok, that's better after a rant. Now I can explain. I wanted "Hannibal" by Thomas Harris. It's the book after "Silence of the Lambs" which I just finished reading again for the umpteenth time. My copy is narrated by Frank Muller. Love him! iTunes only had "Hannibal" abridged and narrated by Thomas Harris. In fact, they don't even have the Frank Muller "Silence of the Lambs" anymore. Guess I got lucky back in the day. Anyway, I thought going directly to the source in Audible would yield more pleasing results. No. Abridged, narrated by Thomas Harris. You know what I hate as much as abridged books? Books narrated by the author.

Back up plan was the new Stephen King book, which has a date for the title and I can never remember the date. When I looked it up on iTunes just after it came out, it was nearly fifty bucks. Gulp! However, with my credit poker chip deal, I got the almost fifty dollar book for my membership dues of just over seven! Ok, totally understand the Audible now. You could put your credit towards something that costs two dollars or fifty. Best to spend it on expensive stuff, for sure. There was something I read that said some items are more than one credit. I wonder what the heck those would be?

Say I want another book before I get another credit next month. Well, as a member, I get thirty percent off the price of audio books at Audible. So there's that, but the best part?

Free stuff!!!! That's always a good thing. They have a section of free stuff for members. There are interviews with authors and such and even free novellas. There are also very inexpensive documentaries! Geekgasm! I got a biography documentary about Lizzie Borden for sixty cents. So if I can't afford a book before I get another credit, there are still tons of audio type things for my listening pleasure.

One of the best things about this thing today, was being able to use my Amazon account to sign up for Audible. Talk about easy! Which leads me to my first ever real issue with Amazon. Part of my last order hasn't shipped yet and it's sold by Amazon, LLC or whatever. There was no contact seller info I could find, so after about ten minutes of hunting I finally found a way to contact Amazon asking for updates on why my item hasn't shipped.

Naturally it's the part of my order I'm most interested in since it's a bra. Yep, a bra. I've never ordered a bra online. Normally, as most women will tell you, that is the sort of thing that must be tried on. But getting to the store is a pain and my old Hanes Her Way bras I bought at Wal-Mart back in 2007 are just a tad too big these days with my weight loss. So I took a chance and ordered a bra based on reviews from Amazon and I just want it darnit!

Ok phew. I'm in a strange mood. I'm still hurting pretty bad, but at least I had some fun stuff to write about. Thought about writing about wondering where things go when you delete them, but I'll save that for tomorrow.

Nice! Published this and checked email and Amazon already replied to let me know my bra is now on backorder, with apologies and an upgrade in shipping once it's available. Carol, weren't we just talking about writing letters?

Thoughts on pain management and how scared I am of it

2011-12-12T10:28:00.002-07:00

Pain management has always been something in the back of my mind, something I've known I'll need to look into eventually but I really didn't think eventually would come so soon.

The neurologist I saw when I was first diagnosed with MS in 2006 said there's no pain with MS. I realize now that I have a huge resentment at that man. I believed him. I wish I could have videotaped myself this morning to show him. No pain with MS? Here, watch this. Watch the sobbing and the bending over in pain, watch as I just try to get my dog fed and relieved, watch as I sobbed just wanting to get to the couch, watch as I lay there unable to move but needing to since no position was comfortable and tell me there's no pain with MS.

It feels like an exposed nerve on a tooth. Everywhere. It feels like daggers are being shoved into my knees and then bolts of pain radiate down my shins and up my thighs. It feels like a school of little pain children was just released on the last day of the semester and they're running along my bones and muscles and nerves.

Four Advil eventual took the very edge of the pain off and canceling my doctor's appointment eased the sobbing, knowing I wouldn't need to leave the house. I'm grateful they were understanding and rescheduled me for next week. Always find a silver lining, always. Or go insane with it all.

I do what I can to ease the pain. I exercise and get regular massages. I stretch. I do yoga. I soak in the bath. But those things don't help the flairs of acute pain like what attacked me this morning upon awakening.

I knew rain was in the forecast. I felt it Friday while I was on the phone with Carol. "I suddenly feel rain pain," I said.

"Is rain coming?" Carol asked.

"I don't know, let's check." I hopped on my weather page. Yep, fifty percent chance of rain Monday night. It's Monday morning and already raining. Add that to the early arrival of Aunt Flo for her monthly visit yesterday and you have a recipe for disaster.

I wanted pot this morning. Just the thought of it brought tears of longing for the relief I knew it would bring. I never enjoyed pot recreationally even in my drinking days but I did smoke it if it was available when I had a migraine or cramps and it worked like nothing else ever did. When I have moments of acute pain, it's all I think about.

Today I finally accepted that it's time to discuss pain management with my doc next week and that terrifies me. Just thinking about it makes the tears well up again. I'm afraid of pills. I'm afraid of getting hooked on pills. I'm afraid my strength in sobriety will ebb one day when emotions have my bases loaded and I'll talk myself into pain I don't have so I can take a pill. I'm terrified of what drugs do to organs. I love the fact that I don't abuse my liver with booze anymore. I don't want to make it process anything else. But four Advil isn't good either. I see that now.

This is another turning point in life with MS. I've talked with Carol before about how the blindness made the MS real for the government and for many people in my life. I didn't look sick before I couldn't see. It took the loss of my eyes to show how severe my disease is. I don't mind the blindness. Too much awesome stuff has happened as a result of going blind, like Jayden and the Rays. I hate the MS though. I hate that my blindness is seen as my primary disability. I hate the people see me as so capable. Why don't you work? Why don't you go back to school? Those questions had all stopped when I went blind but they creep up again from time to time. You're so adjusted. Yeah, until rain happens while Aunt Flo is in town or even when she isn't. Today was just a powder keg exploding finally letting me know I need to have a backup plan for severe pain days such as this.

I'm just scared. I had to write it out that I'm scared. There are others like me out there. You've been scared too. Maybe you'll google something about being scared of pain management and read this and know you're not alone.

Here's another silver lining. The couch came in the most perfect of times. I don't see me getting up off this couch for any length of time today. It's perfect and comfy cozy for bad pain days. Thank you, Carol!

I loved E. Salem's music before...and now?

2011-12-11T18:21:00.004-07:00

I've never had the pleasure of following an artist from the beginning of their career, until now. I first learned of E. Salem's musical talents when he performed in the Rays Spring Training Talent Show.

I was incredibly impressed and soon discovered his Twitter account and got to listen to more of his singing when he posted youtube videos of his cover songs. Those tweets quickly became a bright spot for me.

I knew from his tweets that he was working on some original music and I got to hear them when he posted them on his Myspace page. I fell in love with the songs and found myself singing along right away. I loved the raw sound and acoustic guitar. I have to be honest and say I was worried about what would happen if he got signed and started recording those original songs in the style of today's music. Would I hate it?

I was not disappointed. Salem released an EP on iTunes recently and I downloaded it today. I LOVE IT!!! I knew three out of the four songs and when the first song played, a grin filled my face.

The familiar acoustic guitar began playing "Don't Stop" and I sang along. When the beat track started, my heart leapt! What a different sound to the song I already knew so well and I loved it. Salem still has that raw sound I love and the beat track mixed with the acoustic guitar his fingers so expertly play gives way to an upbeat song that just made me want to get up and move.

The next song began with piano and I love his talent on the keys. The acoustic guitar entered again along with a beat track and he started singing "What You Need". Again, I began singing along. This song is a great mix of Salem's bluesy voice and rap phrases. I'm not a big fan of rap, but I really like it in this song. Maybe it's just Salem's voice that makes me fancy it. This song is also incredibly sexy. I thought it was sexy before and now? Oh my!

"All About You" came next and I hold a special place in my heart for this song. It's just Salem and his guitar, just like the version I had heard before but he's refined it just a bit. I adore this song.

The fourth song I hadn't heard yet. "Down to Love" is now competing with "All About You" for the spot as my favorite. The mix of piano and acoustic is beautiful and I think the song really shows off Salem's vocal range.

I hope he releases more originals for download. iTunes has this classified as pop but to me, pop today is all that electronic robot sounding stuff and Emeel Salem is far from that. His music is raw and you feel him singing from his heart.

It's amazing to me to have followed Salem's budding career like this. We've had several exchanges on Twitter which makes me feel even closer to his music. If you're looking for some new music, check out the iTunes page for E. Salem's EP, or search E. Salem in iTunes. I've had the four songs on repeat since I downloaded them almost two hours ago.

Doggy Diaries - Video/Audio: Jayden's First Play Date with Rudy

2011-12-10T11:09:00.001-07:00

Georgie moved into a new house a few months ago and got a puppy too! I've been dying to get over there and check out the house and meet Rudy, but we were waiting for him to get bigger before bringing Jayden over. Finally we made plans to get together for a play date yesterday and thanks to Carin, I brought my iPod and got several videos.

First I want to mention how excellent Jayden's work was before we got around to the playing. Rudy was in his kennel when we arrived, but he was barking and Jayden lost his focus a little. A quick obedience session got him focused on me again so Georgie could give the tour of the huge house. Jayden did great, even remembering where the bathroom was when I needed it later haha!

We let the dogs sniff each other while Rudy was still in the kennel and Rudy was growling. I was a little freaked out by that, but Georgie said it just looked like he was anxious to play. She got him out and carried him outside as Jayden had to guide me in the back yard to take him where he could go relieve. He did fantastic on the rough terrain of the backyard, taking me over loose stones and showing me a pretty big step, even though he really had to pee and there was another dog there.

We let them sniff each other while still on their leashes and then brought them into the enclosed patio. I really like that feature of the house. The large patio is completely fenced in since they have a pool, so we were able to let the dogs free but they couldn't get far. It's the perfect dog run.

This was Jayden's first play date since becoming a guide dog and I had no idea what to expect. At first he didn't even seem interested in Rudy which surprised me until I thought about all the work we've done on dog distractions. I still need to blog about how well he's done at Saavi with all the new guide dogs.

Anyway, eventually he figured out that he was allowed to play. I was giving Rudy some love while Jayden sniffed around the patio and Georgie went inside to get coffee. Rudy broke free of me and the dogs were off! Rudy started making this sound like he was hurt or scared and I freaked since Georgie was in the house and I called Jayden and couldn't figure out what had happened and then Georgie came out and laughed. Rudy would entice Jayden but then run scared, making this whimper that wasn't a painful whimper, just an oh crap I picked on the big dog and now I better un, noise.

Georgie had just set the coffee on the table between us when the dogs went on their second run. Bye bye coffee! Rudy realized he could fit under the table and Jayden couldn't.

I finally remembered to get the camera out and I ended up with four videos. I think the audio is pretty good. You can tell which dog is which because Jayden's panting is louder and Rudy's footsteps are smaller. You can even tell them apart when they drink water. Eventually they shared the water dish together. It was so much fun!

Rudy is a lab/shepherd mix and is around six months old and about half the size of Jayden. Georgie says his lab looks really come out next to Jayden but he's got shepherd coloring. He is such a sweet dog! And Georgie has a knack for training. She had him in a sit stay on the outdoor couch at one point when I took Jay into the yard to relieve and that six month old puppy obeyed. It's cool for me to be around a puppy and think about how Jayden was at that age, eager to please but loves to play. He's still that way. Ok, on to the videos, yeah?

Ok, this starts off with Rudy barking like mad, trying to get Jayden to play. They had already been on two runs at this point. The only barking you'll hear in all these is Rudy. You hear Jayden growl in a later video, but Jayden never vocalizes at all except for that.

You hear me and my friend Georgie laughing and shrieking a lot hehe!

Direct link to Video One

In this second one, I was trying to get Jayden to sound vicious again, since I had never heard him sound that way. Georgie said his entire face changed when he was growling at Rudy, teeth bared and everything, snout all wrinkled up, wow! Georgie takes the boys into the yard and I end the video.

Direct link to video two

The third one is really short, but I think it has a good closeup of Jayden.

Direct link to video three

The fourth video is the longest. At one point Jayden chews on a mesquite pod and I've got my fingers in his mouth. At another point he's making gagging sounds and you get an idea of how hovering I can be when Jayden is making odd sounds haha! Carol knows what a worrier I am. I don't play with rope toys anymore because they always made Jayden gag. Rudy had one with a ball attached and Jayden destroyed the ball on it immediately. I think he was gagging because he had still been playing with the remainder of the rope toy. Unfortunately I wasn't videoing later when they were playing tug with it.

We finally get Jayden sounding all vicious. I think it's after one of the times Rudy entices him and then hides and Jayden's like, come on dude! He didn't do it as long as the first time though, bullocks.

Oh yeah, I had been paranoid the other videos didn't record so I asked Georgie if this one is. The joys of blind videotaping haha!

Direct link to video four

Yesterday was the most fun we've had in awhile. We were there for a good three hours. A few times, Georgie took Rudy inside to give us all a break and so we could sit and talk and drink coffee. Jayden passed out and then Rudy would be back and they were off again. Rudy had only gotten to play with one other dog, but Georgie said he was much older and huge and didn't really play, more just tolerated Rudy. It was a great match for the two dogs I think.

When we got home, we both crashed out on the couch Jayden told you about yesterday. I had gotten the videos off the iPod and was listening to them and at first Jayden didn't seem to register Rudy's barking, but he woke up eventually and acted as though Rudy were in the house hehe! We are going to have to do that more often. It's the perfect safe location for my paranoia about Jayden's safety and great company with Georgie. Best day in a long time!

Unrelated thoughts while uploading: Now that I'm hardwired, uploading to youtube is soooo much faster. I can't believe I wasted so much time being wireless.

Today is Mom's birthday. I miss you, Mom!

I wonder if I could blog every day until November? NaBloPoMo kickstarted the regular blogging again. I decided to do it every day in December. Maybe I'll just take it one month at a time.

Doggy Diaries - Pooch Ponderings - The Couch

2011-12-09T17:05:00.001-07:00

Mom gave me a couch when I moved here. For a long time I didn't know it was my couch and I wouldn't get on it until she said it was ok and she had the towel down but soon it was always ok and it was mine. She used to be on it all the time too when the white thing was near it so I'd have to curl up on one side and I couldn't stretch out on my back but then she moved the white thing and most of the time it was all mine and sometimes she'd ask me to move over so she could sit with me and use that silver thing that's small but makes the white thing talk or she'd have that string stuff that turned into a big thing.

You guys, yesterday she moved my couch. She's been moving a lot of things and using that loud thing a lot so at first when she moved the other couch I didn't care but then she moved my couch all the way across the house and it was where my mat usually is. I stood there and looked at it. Am I still allowed on it? My towel is there. But I don't want to get told no so I just looked at so she sat on it and told me ok and I got on my couch while she used the loud thing over where my couch had been.

Then Carol came over! But she had two dude guys with her and mom put my leash on me! In the house with the leash? What?!?! Huh!?!?

I couldn't say hi to the dude guys even though I tried and they carried in this HUGE thing you guys. It was huge. I was stuck in the kitchen with mom on the leash looking at the dude guys with the huge thing. Where did it go? Then they went in the cats' room where I don't go and they brought out a big thing from in there and carried it outside. Then I was allowed to say hi to them.

Then, they put my couch in the cats' room! Are you bloody kidding me? The CATS get my couch? What!?!? Huh!?!?

They took the door off the room after they had my couch on it's side twisting it and hurting it. Then it was gone. My couch was gone.

Then mom let me off my leash and I went into where my couch had been The big thing was there and one of the dude guys was putting its winter coat on. He said it was coffee. Mom asked if it was coffee with cream and he said yes. I sniffed him and before he left he gave me a big old pet.

Then Carol and mom sat on the big thing and mom sounded happy. Of course she was; she loves coffee, you know, that black stuff.

I stood there and looked at them and mom invited me up. Oh, I'm on this thing with mom *and*Carol? Told you it was big. Apparently it's also a couch. The coffee couch?

Mom and Carol did some work out of a book and I got on the couch. It doesn't have a towel, just the winter coat.

After Carol left mom got on the couch with me and then we went to the place where mom lays on the bed for awhile and I nap. We came home and dad was home and I got on the couch again and didn't get off till mom took me outside to pee.

We went to bed and mom gave me my snack and I didn't get on my bed. When she changed clothes I went to the door but it wasn't open all the way. She got in bed and I walked to her but didn't lay down. Then I walked to the door. She stayed in bed. I walked to her. She pet me and asked why I was restless. She. Just. Didn't. Get. It. I went back to the door. I went back to her. I went back to the door. Finally she got up and opened the door and I ran to the coffee couch. She asked dad if I was on the couch and he said yup and they laughed.

I never went to my bed in mom's room last night. I love my coffee couch. The cats can *have* that other one.

Mom's on the couch with me. We had a fun day. Guess what I got? A Rudy! Mom says she has videos for you, but she's too tired to put them on what is it? Ooboo? Whatever. We'll tell you about my Rudy tomorrow. Right now we're just on the coffee couch and mom is drinking it.

No time to really write but here

2011-12-08T19:39:00.002-07:00

Busy day. Good busy but busy. Got up, did laundry, while loads were in began moving furniture. Moved white couch to move blue couch out. Put blue couch in hallway thing. Jayden wondered why I moved his couch. Finished laundry, put stuff away, vacuumed where old couch was, washed dishes, Carol tried to find guy to help move couch because first guy flaked. Carol's couch had been gently used by two neighbors after her, great couch, wanted me to have. Gugys came, brought couch. Took old couch out of spare room. Oh yeah I had cleared that off at some point too. Guys had to take door off to get blue couch in. Guy put cover on couch for me. Carol and I went through insurance booklet ordering me stuff out of it out of my allotted money they give for disabled. Gathered some things things for Carol and we were both starving so we heated up Amy's bowls. Carol left I sat fir a minute then took shower. Massage at five, ride came at quarter till. First massage since beginning of October. He needed a chisel in some places. Had been so tired after shower I didn't even want to go, how sad is that? Came hom, B put DiGornio pizza in oven and tried burning a CD in iTunes but his PC didn't see it. My Mac did so I burned the CD on another CD and that worked on his computer weird. Did all that while eating.

Now it's almost time to turn in. I'm stretched out on my new couch with Jayden. We both fit so nicely. Yay for wireless headphones and keyboard!

Not gonna edit. Yeah, triggering my own pet peeves. ;)

Fitness Update

2011-12-07T17:57:00.001-07:00

I didn't really know what to write again today and while I had good news at the gym, I didn't want to brag about the workouts again. However…haha! That's exactly what I'm going to do. I think a conversation on Twitter inspired the urge to brag.

My target weight since beginning to work out in September of 2009 was 150 because of my height, frame and the muscle weight I would be putting on. At my first weigh in, I was 179.

During my drinking days, my heaviest weight was 225 on my 5'7" frame. I always carried weight well, but I most definitely showed that weight everywhere. When I sobered up in April of 2005 I dropped down to 180 within a few months. Alcohol is incredibly fattening, especially when you're a beer drinker like I was and I hated lite beer. The carbs I ingested daily, wow!

I had never been fit. Even when I weighed around 160, I was pudgy and not at all strong, though I looked good at that weight. I was never athletic or in to exercise.

Throughout these last two or so years, I've seen moments of weight loss followed my months of holding steady. For the last few months, I've held steady at 156.

Today I weighed in at 154!!! I can't believe I'm now only four pounds away from my target. It's so exciting! I've mentioned countless times here that aside from the weight loss and looking good, I'm amazed at my strength and stamina on good physical days. I'm still plagued by MS fatigue, but exercise has improved my energy levels drastically.

The benefit of taking the weight off as slowly as I have is that I've trained my metabolism so even when I go through periods of no exercise, the weight doesn't come back. I have plenty of muscle for fat burning.

I figured it would be a good idea to blog this milestone so I can keep track, and also maybe to inspire anyone looking to resolve to get fit. My suggestion though? Don't make it a resolution. I don't make those. Resolutions are made to be broken. Why not just start today. Set a goal, a target weight and remind yourself that it takes time. Go on, what's your target weight? Start now. Don't wait until January first. I started in September two years ago, so December sounds like a good month as well. Make it a Christmas present to yourself. The benefits are far too numerous to list.

I'm so proud of myself I could eat some chocolate. Oh wait, I did that earlier today. I don't eliminate anything I can have in moderation. I eliminated Cheetos because I found I couldn't stop eating them hahaha!

Ah, speaking of food, B is making cajun pasta and garlic bread. Yummmmmm!

Oh PS - I must add that I kicked a paralympian's butt on the TRX. She tried doing the plank/crunch I was doing and it nearly killed her hehehe! And she couldn't hold the plank as long as I could. Talk about an ego boost!

On this date 2009 and 2010

2011-12-06T18:35:00.001-07:00

As I thought about what to write today I had a few ideas but nothing that was really grabbing me. I don't feel like writing the few heartwarming stories mulling around in my brain nor do I have energy to be silly about nothing. So I had the brilliant idea to check out December sixth for the last two years. Not sure I wrote on the sixth in 2009 yet but last year's made me laugh. This might also test my willpower a bit. I have not eaten Cheetos for about a month now. For about the first week or so of abstinence, I was snacking on fresh veggies and cheese cubes at night while reading which was tasty but I got lazy and didn't feel like chopping veggies anymore. Luckily I didn't go back to the Cheetos habit, instead enjoying some sunflower seeds when I get the hand to mouth urge while reading.

I was just telling Carol today that my willpower was tested when a tweet triggered me yesterday. Someone tweeted that they craved Flamin' Hot Cheetos but didn't feel like driving to the store. My first thought was, it's a good thing I *can't* drive to the store, or I just might have gone and gotten me some Crunchy Cheetos. The obsession passed however. So what did I blog on December sixth last year?

Puffs or Crunchy?

When the Cheetos craving first began last year, it's been a year wow, I asked B to pick me up a bag and he brought home a bag of Puffs. I had thought original Cheetos meant crunchy but no, Puffs were the original. I had taken a poll on the blog and Twitter I think, maybe even Facebook. So, two days in a row now, I'm being tested with Cheetos references. Uh oh!

2009 had three posts. One post announced that voting for the puppy pool was over, another post gives the pool results. Maddie, if you still read here, can you leave your address in a comment? I won't publish it. I can't access the Facebook message with it. Yes, two of the winners still have not received their prizes. Just call me slacker. Toby's raiser, I still haven't been able to mail it.

This is strange too, because the other post is written from the cats' POV and I've been planning a Pooch Ponderings post to write about a day from Jayden's perspective.

Unfortunately these posts don't tell us much about what I was up to on the tenth the last two years, so maybe I'll do another on this date post again soon. Archives are fun!

Oh, in the cats' post, Fi asks if anyone knows how to get rid of her dreads. B started feeing the cats Fancy Feast dry cat food and her coat cleared right up.

From the Desk of My Sleep Deprived Mind

2011-12-05T04:47:00.002-07:00

This is the first time my insomnia has been so bad that I've decided to just give in to it and get up. Usually I just lay in bed, listening to the swirling thoughts in my head as the pain in my body competes with my thoughts until I finally drift away. Not this morning though.

I think I'm going on about two hours of sleep. I flipped over at one point, exposing my unplugged ear and B's music woke me up. He needs music to sleep and it's been getting louder and louder at night. I finally checked the time after tossing and it was 1:30. I decided to try and get up for a bit. Didn't the insomnia articles used to suggest getting out of bed? Isn't that supposed to help?

I often read tweets in the mornings from people who can't sleep so I thought I'd give it a go. After thirty minutes I tried to sleep again. It was deliciously warm in bed. We're under a freeze warning so I threw a huge crochet blanket on the bed for added warmth. Unfortunately the monkeys in my brain still would not shut up and eventually the pain reached critical mass and all I could think about was coffee.

I still fought getting out of bed, being about to rise and then thinking against it. My mind would wander some more, like thinking about how the wireless didn't work yesterday when the weather was rolling in and how Carol fixed it by suggesting I power everything down so it could all come back up together. I imagined the modem and the router being lost in the mist like in Gone with the Wind and they couldn't find each other.

"Mr. Router? where are you? Mr. Router!"

"Ms. Modem, over here, can you hear me?"

"I hear you, oh Mr. router I hear you but I can't find you! We can't go on like this!"

"I know, Ms. Modem, we just have to pray they power us down and back up and finally clear away this mist…"

Yeah, the thoughts in a sleep deprived brain.

What else let around my cranium that is fit for public consumption? Naturally now I can't remember. There was some really good and creative stuff, too. Oh well.

I finally got up just after 3am after trying to sleep for an hour. The first time I got up, Jayden didn't budge. I had moved his bed away from the wall so he'd be warmer and he was curled up as close to my bed as he could get. The final time I got up however, He was like, "yeaaaaaaaah! Food! Food! Food!"

Oh honey, no. I'm so sorry but no. Notice it's dark out? Most times if I wake up earlier than normal, I'll feed him like always, first thing. But this wasn't waking up early, this was like why bother having slept in the first place?

It's now 3:55am. I read Twitter again after getting up for the second time, after making coffee. There were maybe five tweets. One thing I noticed is that both times I tweeted, I instantly got spammed. Do the spammers think sleep people and/or drunks will more easily fall for spam links? I'm sorry, but if you click on spam in Twitter, you deserve your virus.

I did my morning writing. I didn't do my morning writing yesterday because the broken internet consumed me. Is that why I couldn't sleep? I process so much in my morning writing. I bet it's a combination of that and life stuff.

I think the last time I was awake at this hour was when I stayed at the Diner until they opened again after the old Friday night. That was good times. Or when I stayed up all night at the young people's conference in northern Cali. But those were fun times being awake at this time. Not exhausted and freezing times.

I just had, "no woman, no crime" in my head. Is that how it goes? No woman no crime, no woman no crime! Is that it? Oh lack of sleep delirium, you're actually somewhat fun now that I've had some coffee.

I wonder if this post will yield any good search results. I used to get the funniest search queries back when I wrote a lot about random things.

I had a funny thought when I refilled coffee but it's gone. I'm conversing with a stranger on Twitter about sparkling vampires. That's one of the best things about Twitter. Someone I followed retweeted someone who said they had never seen any of the Twilight movies and were proud of it, or something. The person I follow wrote, "double ditto". So I retweeted and wrote, "triple ditto?" Then the stranger and I continued chatting about Twilight and I had to convince her, him? Not sure, that I've never seen the movies because I mentioned the sparkling bit and then we launched in to more possible plot points that probably are not in the plot at all. We haven't even begun following each other. Sometimes you end up following strangers like this, sometimes you converse briefly and then poof! They're gone like Keyser Soze.

Do you ever write a name like Keyser Soze and then go Google the spelling? Good thing I did. I had Keyser as Kaiser. One of the spellings had some funny sounding character in Soze though.

How many words have I written in my sleep deprived stupor? Let's ask my online word count tool since Text Edit doesn't have a word counter. Oh my! 978 words? Oh dear. Well, if you've stuck with me this long, kudos. This is as long as my short stories. Too bad I can't seem to write fiction lately. That would have been nice to do during these wee morning hours. Instead I've written what? Something to bait the searchers? Time will tell. Yes.

Ok, I'll edit and post and then get back to cleaning up labels on the blog I started last night and then maybe start the daunting task of organizing my documents folder. Good times! Who needs sleep?

If your wireless goes out during a storm, don't do what I did

2011-12-04T17:33:00.002-07:00

I've never experienced weather affecting my wireless before. Last night it started acting up but it was late so we didn't mess with it. Upon awakening my first thought was, I bet the internet isn't working.

Sure enough, no internet when I woke up. I didn't know how to start my day without Twitter to go along with coffee. I immediately started troubleshooting. I even tried getting in to a neighbor's wireless so I could Google, but everyone is smart and password protected.

We have a router through T-Mobile because we have one of their home phones. We had gotten it after I went blind because we had both gone over our cell minutes. I'm not sure why we bother to keep it now, but anyway. The phone worked, but not the internet. I know nothing about the interworkings of a router so I thought perhaps the wireless part of it was broken. I decided to troubleshoot using an old Lynksis router I had kept.

There I was, not fully caffeinated, switching out a router blind. There's a first for everything.

My laptop recognized the network but naturally, I couldn't remember my old password. I tried to get in to the modem settings page to change the password but I couldn't without being connected to the internet so I moved the laptop on top of a tall cabinet near the router to hardwire in. For some reason though, I could not access the modem page even now being connected to the net. I was chatting with Erik, checking IP configurations, neither of us understanding why I couldn't pull up the modem page. My IP showed that my laptop was talking directly to the modem even though it was connected to the router. I realized why much later while at Gamma's.

B got up and I finally just walked him through accessing the modem page on his desktop but I had the incorrect login information. I'm still not sure why, since I'm pretty sure Carol and I set it up to match the wireless network, but perhaps since it was a different router, therein lay the problem. I still don't know. By this point my body was screaming after standing at the tall cabinet to access my hardwired laptop for I don't know how long.

I decided we'd just hardwire the laptops and figure it out later since I needed to get to Gamma's. Months ago I had planned on buying a fifty foot ethernet cable when I was dropping baseball feeds, but after Carol fixed the wireless, I never ordered the cable.

The one I had was short but B could use it for his laptop. I sent him to Best Buy to pick me up a fifty footer and he called while I was eating at Gamma's. They didn't have a fifty footer, only a twenty-five and it was $140. Gag what??? I told him that was nuts. I had found a fifty footer on Amazon for seven bucks. Look around, ask an employee. Best Buy was swamped so he went next door to Office Max. An employee walked right up to him, listened to what we needed and found it for him. $42. Gulp, but I was desperate and that as better than 140.

I should back up and mention that just before going to Gamma's, I called Carol to ask what to do in Vista to get B's laptop to recognize the ethernet. She told me, but also suggested turning off the power strip. She's had to do that before when there's crazy weather, which we have right now. Power everything down so it all comes back at the same time.

We did that but there was still no wireless so we left and that's when B got my ethernet cable.

Of course I kept thinking about it the whole time I was at Gamma's and figured out the reason my laptop was showing connection to the modem and not the router. Initially I had plugged directly into the modem. I think that's when the laptop got confused. I then plugged into the router to attempt to access the router password.

When B picked me up, he said that when he got home, the wireless worked fine. Everything was fine. Ugh. It must have just needed more time after the power down.

Now the wireless works fine and I have a $42 ethernet cable. I can't decide if I should return it, or hang on to it, since I've wanted to hardwire anyway. I can get one cheaper on Amazon, but I like the security of having the ethernet cable in my closet.

Long story short? If there's weather and your wireless is hinky, power down, power it all down and give it time after you give it all juice again. That way you might not waste three hours on a Sunday and end up exhausted because you didn't have your morning ritual.

Hey, at least now I know it'll be simple to hardwire and I can do it myself if I ever so desire. ;)

Have you ever wondered what crazy things baseball players have been asked to sign?

2011-12-03T10:50:00.003-07:00

I had never given a second thought to the things baseball players are asked to sign. That's why I couldn't wait for my Twitter friend Morgan to compose her blog post about just that. Would you ever ask a baseball player to sign your baby?

Morgan asked dozens of baseball players on Twitter, "what is the craziest thing a fan has asked you to sign?"

I hadn't heard most of the responses since we don't follow the same players, so I was thrilled to read her post with all the answers. Is a player from your team featured? Go give the post a gander and be sure to participate in the vote at the end.

Fabulous job, Morgan!

Oh PS - I'm pretty sure I remember Michael Schlact tweeting that the fan ate the thing he signed. Ew?

Audio/Video: Hanging with Ro Episode Three - Silly Bells

2011-12-02T15:24:00.003-07:00

I just slapped a title on this post and had to edit to say it made me think, Silly Bells…silly bells…why are they ringing you?

Now back to our regularly schedule post.

Since I went blind, I haven't touched my Christmas decorations. This year something changed though, as I listened to audio of Carin and Steve coming up with drunk lyrics for Christmas carols. The deal was sealed when I downloaded some Trans-Siberian Orchestra. (That's how itunes spelled it, so I'm going with it.)

It was really nice to get all that stuff out again after so many years without it. I was feeling so silly about the bells that I decided to get audio/video of the decorations. I forgot to mention during the video that the star for the top of the Christmas tree is on top of the vase with the lights in it.

I really, really really, love being a dork, if you didn't know that already.

Topics include:

*Steve and Carin's blog that inspired the need for bells

*Drunken angel singing. No I'm not drunk

* Video of the areas with the decorations

*Quick shot of Jayden

*Naturally, Evan Longoria comes up. I couldn't believe it as I listened to the audio. Really? Will there ever be one of these things without his name mentioned?

Direct youtube link

PS - No I'm not on pain killers. That's just me. =D

PPS - Now that I'm not active, the pain in my head is screaming.

PPPS - When you do multiple PS's, is it PPS or PSS?

That time I had a cyst removed

2011-12-01T19:27:00.002-07:00

If you have a weak stomach around medical stuff, don't read past the asterisks. I tweeted something about my afternoon including paramedics, lidocaine, iodine and sutures but it wasn't dramatic and I got some DMs asking if I was ok. I didn't mean to alarm anyone. It was really nothing. I had a simple medical procedure done and it's nothing serious, but I'm going to go into detail.

***

When I had my physical last year, I had my doctor look at a bump on my head. It had begun to freak me out because it felt sort of like how they describe a bad lump in the breast. It wasn't pea shaped however, more of an oval shape. At first it was squishy but it began to harden. I told Georgie about it and she said she had had those before and they were benign cysts, but it would be good to have it checked. My doc confirmed that it was nothing to be concerned with but if it bothered me, she could remove it.

I went the last year without it changing much, but it began to feel like a dull toothache and I was wondering if it might even begin to be noticeable, so I decided to have it removed. Unfortunately she couldn't do both the procedure and the physical on the same day, so I have to go back for my physical. It's actually rather good timing since she can remove the sutures then.

B took the afternoon off work to drive me which was nice because the ride I had scheduled with paratransit would have made it an incredibly long experience. After we signed me in, I handed over six scrub tops I had found while cleaning and washed. When I schedule my appointments, I asked if any of the women in the office might be able to use them. It was a little misty eyes making when I folded them up after washing, remembering buying them with Gamma and thinking about the adventures I had when I worked in medicine, but I was glad they'll go to someone who can use them.

As B and I were sitting, someone came out of the office and let us know the paramedics would be arriving shortly and would be backing up the doctors' schedules.

I didn't wait much longer than the norm and really, my doc's office is rarely a nightmare. They called me back and I cracked up as Jayden took me straight to the scale. I also love their scale! It always has me about three pounds lighter than the gym. I'm thinking the doc's scale is more accurate…haha!

I only waited in the exam room about ten minutes when my doc came in. I just love my doc. She's like hanging out with a friend. We constantly joke around and tease each other which puts me at ease right away. She injected my head with some lidocaine and that was the only painful part of the whole thing.

It was totally bizarre feeling my head go numb. She had to snip some hair and I asked her if she expected a tip. There was a student observing, doing her medical assistant externship for the same school I got my phlebotomy certificate from.

I began asking my doc how she was going to get the cyst out and she explained it would be a small incision and then she'd use curved forceps to work the cyst out from under the skin. I asked her what causes them and she said basically it's a sweat gland gone bad. Ew!

It was so weird to feel pressure on my head and feel her pulling and prodding, but not feeling any pain. We talked about those people who have that disease that kills their pain receptors and ow odd that would be, insurance issues for people who need this sort of thing. She had a patient with a cyst like mine that had gotten to be the size of a golf ball before she had insurance!

Eventually she exclaimed, "I got your cyst out and I got it all in one piece. That rarely happens!" I remember back when she took some moles off, she told me she enjoyed those procedures, so I knew she'd be enjoying digging into my head. The extern said she was glad she could watch and I said I wished I could watch and my doc said, "wanna feel it?"

Heck yeah I did! I held out my hand and she put the cyst in my palm. Ew!! Hahaha! It felt like one of those landscape pebbles you might have in your yard, but like it was covered in silicone or something. I marveled that that was under my scalp and then was like, ok take it hahaha! The extern gave me a paper towel. The cyst didn't leave much residue and doc said it wasn't bloody. The lidocaine she used was infused with an agent that decreases blood flow. I was curious if I'd bleed a lot since head wounds bleed like crazy.

She sewed three sutures in and I was done. It was slightly woozy making, so I sat there a minute to make sure I wouldn't get faint. I said I'd see her soon for my physical. Remember that professional crush I mentioned? Yeah it's applicable to women. I just love her!

Oh the extern had also asked me if I thought it was worse going blind later in life or being blind since birth and I told her I just didn't know. I love the fact that I remember what my doc looks like and my doc was like, "yeah I'm forever young. You can't see the grey I have now." I also said I had been talking with a friend about Monet and I was grateful I had been able to see Monet. So, there's no good answer to that question.

B and i left and were assaulted by freezing air. The temperature must have dropped twenty degrees while we were in the office. I stayed in the car while he ran into the store and it started pouring.

I started feeling incredibly loopy. I wondered if lidocaine could make you feel stoned? I called Carol when I got home and she reminded me that I haven't had any mind altering drugs in how long? Yeah. I then remembered when I had a tooth extracted when I was about a year sober, I freaked out because I felt the lidocaine and had to call my sponsor.

This time it was just fun and I called it a freelapse. That is until my head started hurting and I felt a bit queezy. Food helped the queezy feeling, but my head is really starting to hurt. My hair is matted with iodine and I can feel the sutures. Weird! And it's flat again! Whoa!

So that was my afternoon. I got to feel a foreign body after it had been extracted from my scalp. Guess you can't really call it foreign since my body manufactured it, but it was cool nonetheless!

#NaBloPoMo - Workout review including a short video clip of me

2011-11-30T14:52:00.002-07:00

Today marks the end of this year's NaBloPoMo. Posting every day has been really good for me, so I've decided to do it through December as well. It was nice to sign up for NaBloPoMo this year, though I'm not exactly sure what the point was. I didn't win any of the possible prizes. ;)

I was hoping to have a video today of me doing the TRX training I've mentioned here and there. However since my trainer is certified in this, something he signed might have caused legal issues had we video taped it. He said it could be something like, if I did the exercise wrong, it could be a poor reflection etc. I had planned on giving a disclaimer that it wasn't a training video or anything, just me showing off, but we weren't comfortable with it. Too bad!!

I did get a quick video of me acting all goofy after my workout though. I think I was energized from the TRX and perhaps that explains the clapping. Why was I clapping? The ending is funny because my trainer couldn't get the camera to stop. He said he didn't mind if I didn't edit that, which is good because I don't know how anyway.

I thought I'd wrap up this month of posting by looking back on my fitness levels. When I started working out at the blind center in September of 2009, it was partly to increase my stamina for guide dog school and also to try and lose some weight and get some strength. I never thought I would have accomplished what I have. To some it might seem like it took a very long time. It's been just over two years now, though there have been times when I lapsed due to health reasons or circumstance. December is a tough month since so many take time off for the holidays, so it's not like I have diligently worked out twice a week for two years.

The good thing about how long it's taken me to get so close to my goal is that it doesn't come back. I've lost twenty-three pounds and it doesn't come back. It doesn't matter if I take a month off from exercise, the weight just doesn't come back. I'm six pounds away from my target weight of one-fifty! Six pounds!! Exercise has also done wonders for the MS. Wonders I tell you. I still get fatigued, but I don't stumble like I used to.

Looking back I can say that losing the weight was the easy part. Making a few dietary changes and ramping up the cardio made taking the weight off fairly painless. It's the toning that has been hard.

Toning was coming along nicely but very very slowly just doing weight training and decline sit ups with a ten pound weight. I was getting stronger and stronger and shaping my body nicely, but I just wasn't getting as tight as I wanted.

This TRX is amazing. I've been doing it only about a month and I can't believe the difference it's making in my problem areas of triceps and abs. The great thing about TRX is it engages your entire body even when you're focusing on one muscle group. Add this insane ab circuit that I do between cardio and TRX and the toning is finally happening the way I want. I find that my strength surprises me. I need to be careful moving something because I'll put too much muscle into it haha! It's fabulous!

That's why I'm really disappointed I couldn't get video. I'm seriously contemplating buying a TRX for home, though. There is a door unit you can use if you don't have an anchor in your wall or ceiling. If I do decide to purchase this for the home, I'll enlist Carol to come get video.

I did grab a quick video though, after my workout. I think the energy is the reason I was clapping my hands. The end is funny too, because my trainer can't get the video camera to stop. He gave me permission to leave that part in.

Blinks, it's just a shot of me in the gym wearing my gym clothes. I think my tank top is dark grey, one of those gym type tops. If I remember right the running pants are a lighter gray. I can't remember.

Direct youtube link

#NaBloPoMo - First Sestina Poem (Cheese warning!)

2011-11-29T16:54:00.004-07:00

Today I've been simmering with increasing annoyance over something completely out of my control. Long story short, I let myself get annoyed because I didn't want to start a project and get interrupted by an inspection that never happened. I could have just done my stuff anyway but no, I sat and seethed. I desperately needed out of that awful mood and I had to write a post for today. I know it's bad when I don't even feel like writing.

I was recently reading through Jordi Scrubbing's blog and ran across his first Sestina poem. He had linked to another who linked to a page explaining how to write one and I bookmarked it even though it didn't make much sense to me. Today I decided I'd figure it out or cry trying.

I found this page on how to write it, which finally made the concept click. It recommends writing six words on paper but obviously I can't do that so I instead wrote them in a text document. I just wrote words based on what I was doing and the mood I was in and went from there. The resulting poem is cheesy but I was just getting a sense of how it worked. And you know what? It got me out of my bad mood as the end of the poem shows.

It looks like we might be starting a chain of writers writing Sestinas, so if you write your first, throw me a link so we keep it going. I challenge you to try it! Ok, here's the unrefined result:

Banishing Annoyance

I sit and wait as Bolero plays
Different things I have done to fend off growing boredom
Time waisted sharpens annoyance
At least today I did not combine it with hunger
The world would be more peaceful if everyone used consideration
I just want to get to my chores

The only thing in life that will wait for you are chores
Lamenting lost time as an eighties band plays
I give doing dishes thoughtful consideration
Perhaps a party with suds will divert the boredom
Sleepiness set in after curing hunger
Attempting this poem is distracting from annoyance

I dislike the feeling of annoyance
After all they are just chores
I'm sure my dog is feeling hunger
I check the time as Metallica plays
No longer am I plagued by boredom
However I still wish they had shown consideration

Would you give the thought of eating squid consideration?
Does waiting for hours cause you annoyance?
Do you find difficult poems a fun cure for boredom?
How loud is your music when you do your chores?
Asking questions as Guns n' Roses plays.
A song induces past feelings of hunger.

As time ticks by I feel pangs of hunger
as I give dinner some consideration
I must keep writing as the song plays
No knock on the door deepens annoyance
Think positively, at least I got out of chores
and there is no longer a hint of boredom

Baseball is so great to battle boredom
Now I feel a deep hunger
for my favorite sport and not the chores
I've forgotten the lack of consideration
and find I'm losing the feeling of annoyance
thinking about the game Longoria plays

McBride plays and I've lost my boredom
Annoyance has fled and I just feel hunger
Who cares they lack consideration and kept me from chores

I plan to write more of these and actually add some substance. This first one restarted my day so I'm glad for that!

I just thought about this after I posted and realized I need to increase the verbosity settings in Voiceover so I can hear punctuation in Jordi's sestina. Hello, learning curve. ;)

Another last minute thought, why does his sound different? On mine, Voiceover doesn't read each stanza through, it separates each line. Anyone have any ideas about why that is?

#NaBloPoMo - Nothing Turned Rant

2011-11-28T17:29:00.001-07:00

I had another post planned for today, something I've saved for a few weeks in a bookmark, but I just don't feel like writing about it. It's one of those things that gets my blood boiling a bit and I don't think I have the mental energy. So what will I write? I have absolutely no idea. I think I read somewhere once that you should never begin a writing project with, I have no idea what to write, but why not? It's my blog and people tend to like my Nothing posts.

Oh speaking of people's opinions on how you should write, I should have saved this link. Let me dig it up. Ok there it is. This blog basically promotes not editing your writing for typos. Can someone play that record screeching sound?

I ranted about it a bit on Twitter but since it's in my brain again after I decided I didn't know what I'd write, it must need mentioning. I always, always, no really always, go over what I've written before I hit send. Whether it be a tweet or an email or a blog post, I always check before I post. Rarely, I'll hear a mistake in a tweet and laziness makes me send anyway, but not often. There have been times when I didn't feel like editing and in that case, I come out and say I don't feel like editing. Here's why this is important to me.

My writing is a reflection on me. I take pride in what I write even though it's not something that will go into a book and be paid for. Just like I'll cringe if my house is a disaster and I get unexpected company, I expect my writing to be a reflection of my intelligence and my education.

I notice typos so much more now that I use a screen reader. The link above states that if the first and last letters of a word are correct, our brains fill in the rest. That's true, I read that thing that went around with words spelled wrong in the middle and I did it visually and could read the sentence. However when your computer is converting text to speech, typos are like nails on a chalk board. I think it's ridiculous that someone calling themselves a writer is basically saying, don't correct your typos.

I'm not insane about perfection on my blog the way I would be if I were writing something for publication. I know my grammar isn't perfect and I don't always follow rules. But if there's a glaring typo? Oh I can't stand it! I don't hear punctuation and things of that nature and if a name isn't capitalized I won't know it, but if you write, " I was watching a baesball game last night and I couldnt believe that ump's call", I hear those mistakes. I just had to tell my computer I meant to typo the words baseball and couldn't. Yet those mistakes still make it in to things I read on a daily basis.

I just think fixing that typo and adding the apostrophe mean you take pride in your work, that's all. A typo in a word is much easier to know how to fix than a hyphen or whether to use an adverb or not. Just read your work out loud if you need help catching those mistakes.

Wow, I wasn't expecting to go on a rant. I'm testy right now. We got a note on the door on Saturday informing us that the apartment complex was giving us forty-eight hour notice to enter. I almost swear the flier had today's date for the insurance inspection, and it was forty-eight hours in advance of today so doesn't that make sense? I didn't go to the gym, because while I don't need to be home for that, I prefer to be. I leave Timmy in a room when I go out so he doesn't escape when I leave and come home. I also don't want to walk in the door and hear voices in my apartment. Even if I did logically know it was management, that would still be frightening.

I've waited all day and nothing. I called the office and no answer. It's now 5:08pm and I'm annoyed. If it is tomorrow and I was wrong, why did the notice say forty-eight hours?

Perhaps that is why I'm being a spelling crazy in this post. I'm aggravated and hungry. I never did fix lunch, thinking that as soon as I sat down and got my hands dirty, they'd show up. Hungry and annoyed is not a good combination. Looks like I'll be waiting for them all day tomorrow, too. Lovely.

It's really a luxury problem. I really am in a pretty terrific mood; I just feel inconvenienced. I'll be doing a Hanging with Ro episode featuring Erik and I really want to get that recorded before NaBloPoMo ends.

It's been rather fun writing every day! Maybe I'll attempt to keep it up. Ok, lay it on me, how many times did I use punctuation incorrectly? I bet there's no typos though, unless something wasn't capitalized. I can't hear that unless I check the beginning of every sentence.

Yep, B just called and he thinks the date on the notice was actually tomorrow's date. We both focused on the forty-eight hours bit. Right there, there's another reason to check your work! It should have been seventy-two hours! Ok I'm done, really.

No I'm not. I meant to include that typos can be fun sometimes, especially in chat. My friend typoed a word (yes I meant typoed as an adverb) and I couldn't tell what he meant to type. We ended up using the typo to describe a kind of moment in a baseball game. In that case, typos are fun.

#NaBloPoMo - Il Canto (Music survey thingy)

2011-11-27T19:10:00.004-07:00

This morning I reached out to Twitter needing help with what to write today. After some discussion, Steve came to the rescue with a music post idea that morphed into one of those survey deals you answer with the songs on shuffle in your music playlist. Steve, being the wonderfully amazing man he is, went and found such surveys over at The Vomit Comet. Let me tell you about Steve. If you need a Canadian man who will always be a fantastic friend, That's Steve. Having a bad day and need a pick me up? That's Steve. Have you ever wondered if a man speaks to the beer bottles in his fridge, giving them a pep talk? That's Steve. Do you enjoy listening to a sudden outburst on subjects such as the word "tweeps"? That's Steve. I could go on and on about this incredible man, but we've got a music survey to get to.

Carin found Steve's music survey and since he originally said I should write a post about how wonderful he is, I'm modeling mine on his. You probably know the drill. Shuffle your music playlist and answer each question with the song that plays. Hit next but never, ever skip. I'm switching it up a bit and including the artist, since I never know the artists on these things when people do them. I'm also going to add some more current events/pop culture type questions to make it a little longer, because I can. I think I'll also throw in little comments after iTunes answers the questions for me, if they're funny. I wrote all the questions down before going to Gamma's. Man I can't wait to turn on the iTunes later!

Ok, home and finally done coming up with the last bit of questions. Gonna turn on my "just music" playlist so we don't get audio books and described movies. Here we go! iTunes, please make this good…

Here are the original questions.

1. If someone says, "you're hot", you say?

Concrete Angel (Martina McBride)

*My muscles are hard as concrete?

2. How would you describe your life?

One Blue Sky (Sugarland)

*I love this! So positive!

3. What is your life long goal?

Nessun Dorma (Paul Potts)

*I had to look this up. Apparently it means, "nobody shall sleep". This means my goal is to never be boring.

4. What do your friends think of you?

Get Out of This Town (Carrie Underwood)

*I'll just be in the corner crying.

5. What do your parents think of you?

The Past is the Past (Tantric)

*Wow. A little misty here, I must admit. That's perfect.

6. What do you often think about?

The Unforgiven (Metallica)

*Uh oh, does that mean I'm holding a grudge? Hmmm.

7. What do you think of the person who likes you?

The Valkyrie: Ride of the Valkyries (St. Petersburg Symphony Orchestra & Stanislav Gorkovenko)

*Hahahahaha! This cracked me up when it started playing. Interesting.

8. What does your best friend always say to you?

Waste (Seether)

*She does? Alrighty then.

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Freak on a Leash (Korn)

*Kinky!

10. What is your favorite saying?

Plush (Stone Temple Pilots)

*I might just have to incorporate this...

11. What will you dance to at your wedding?

Million Faces (Paolo Nutini)

*It's actually a decent first dance tempo for a wedding that will never happen.

12. What will be played at your funeral?

Bark at the Moon (Ozzy Osbourne)

*This is fitting since I'm a Freak on a Leash.

13. What is your biggest fear?

Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, Op. 46: IV. In the Hall of the Mountain Kin (Tbilisi Symphony Orchestra & Jansug Kakhidze)

*Wow ok so I looked it up. Peer Gynt was a play and one of the descriptions was: "has also been described as the story of a life based on procrastination and avoidance." I'd say that's a pretty relevant fear. iTunes knows me well.

14. What is your biggest secret?

Castle On a Cloud (Les Misérables Original London Cast)

*It's my happy place.

15. What do you think of your house?

Black Sabbath (Ozzy Osbourne)

*I got nothing. iTunes missed this one I think.

16. What will you name this post?

Il Canto (Paul Potts)

*I think I'll change the title of the post. That won't hook anyone.

That concludes the original survey. Hmm, what should I add? Ok some of these sound like Magic 8-ball questions.

17. Do you prefer Apple over Microsoft?

Sugarland (Sugarland)

*That's pretty perfect because Apple is more of a happy kind of Sugarlandish type company to me than Microsoft.

18. Is Twitter better than Facebook?

Jupiter (Jewel)

*Yeah I think Jupiter is a cool planet.

19. Is he/she just not that into you?

Intro/Escape (Journey)

*Hmmm. I don't know how to take that.

20. What do you think about 'Twilight'?

Lithium (Nirvana)

*Yeah I think I might need that if I read/watched 'Twilight'. Maybe that explains the sparkles...

21. Was Casey Anthony guilty?

Fall Down or Fly (Lindi Ortega)

*Uh huh, she flew into hiding.

22. How do you feel about politics?

Concerto for Piano and Orchestra, Op. 16 in A Minor: Allegro Molto Moderato (Slovak Philharmonic Orchestra, Marian Lapsansky & Bystrik Rezucha)

*I think the minor chords say it all.

23. How do you react when someone refers to your sports team incorrectly?

Overture to Egmont, Op. 84 (London Symphony Orchestra (LSO) & Alberto Lizzio)

*iTunes would pick now to throw out all the classical pieces, wouldn't it?

24. How do you feel about Four Square?

The Point of No Return (Phantom of the Opera)

*Hahahaha that's kinda funny.

25. Will that big problem ever get resolved?

Wishing (Tantric)

*And Tantric makes me misty again. Really? Just wishing? Ugh.

26. What will play when you cash in your freebie card? (It's laminated!)

Sex Type Thing (Stone Temple Pilots)

*Hahahahaha!!! And notice the band before this question was Tantric? Hey, a girl can dream.

27. What do your Twitter friends think of you?

Hey Now (Tantric)

*Hey now what? Am I boring? And hmm, the freebie card question is sandwiched between two Tantric songs...

28. How do you feel about the holidays?

Un Giorno Per Moi (A Time For Us) (Paul Potts)

*Nice. This track translated for me. Pretty fitting. It should be a time for us, not commercialism.

29. Will the Cubs ever win a World Series?

Nova Heart (Spoons)

*Hahaha! A nova is a star that gets really bright and then fades again. So maybe Cubs fans' hearts will always swell without that happy ending? Hope iTunes is wrong. I'm glad a Spoons song came on since Steve and Carin got me that album.

30. What are your thoughts on Justin Bieber?

*Heart Failure (Sixx: A.M.)

*Hahahahahah!!!! Trust me, not the swoony kind of heart failure.

Well that was fun, and hard work. Why'd iTunes have to play all those classical songs? Hope you enjoyed it.

PS - iChat shows my iTunes tracks, so Erik is my proof that I didn't skip. )

#NaBloPoMo - In Love with Steve Jobs

2011-11-26T16:17:00.001-07:00

Being in love is about passion. passionate love does not have to be romantic but there can still be a romance to it. I am passionate about a lot of things, baseball of course as regular readers know, but I'm also intensely passionate about Apple. My post, It all started with an iPod, explains why.

I'm currently reading the biography of Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson and I am captivated and rather sad that I didn't learn about this man before his death. All I knew about Jobs before beginning this book was that he was the co-founder of the company I have come to love with increasing passion. When he died I felt an immense sadness even knowing nothing about him. His company brought technology back to me and for that I will forever be grateful.

I'm finding it difficult to write this. Perhaps that is why I didn't attempt to write about him immediately after his death. Sometimes it's difficult to grasp the different emotions that go flying about my brain when i feel deeply about a particular person or event that touches me and ignites a passionate sense of gratitude. Maybe not knowing what I know now about him was also the reason I didn't attempt to try and write about my feelings around his death. I couldn't put my finger on how I felt before, just knowing I felt a loss, but it's so much stronger now.

I'll just describe the emotional reaction I had to one part of the book. Isaacson writes about the unveiling of Macintosh in 1984. He describes what Jobs was doing on stage, the way the crowd cheered, the images on the screen. What brought me to tears was the description of Jobs choking up after the computer speaks and the crowd goes wild. I was laying in bed, iPhone cradled in my left hand listening to the audio book, weeping. I'm getting choked up again as I write this.

The day after Jobs' death, links were going up on Twitter like an assembly line putting out freshly built Macs. One of the links I clicked on was a video of the very day Isaacson wrote about in the biography. As I listened to the audio book and remembered the sounds of the unveiling, I put images to what I had heard.

I got emotional the first time I heard it, hearing Jobs' voice and that computer way back then converting text to speech, but I couldn't picture the setting and I certainly didn't know Jobs had gotten choked up just as I had. When I heard that, the damn broke and tears soaked my pillow.

The next morning I pulled up the video. I had bookmarked it the day it had been posted on Twitter. I sobbed the entire time it played, imagining what I had read the night before.

I just now sat here with my hands on my keyboard, at an intense loss for words. There really isn't anything I can add to describe my feelings about Steve Jobs and the loss of that brilliant mind. Read the book. Just read it.

Here is more audio of Jobs accepting an award. I'm not sure when this was, but I love listening to him talk. I wish there was more to say. I feel like his intense stare is pushing me into silence the way it did to so many during his lifetime.

I began this post yesterday and now I have more to write. I've reached a part in the audio book where Isaacson spoke with Jobs near the end of his life. They went through his iPad playlist and discussed some of the music. If you've read the book, you'll know what I'm referring to, but I don't want to give it away for those who haven't. The sadness inside me swelled even more and once again I was overcome with emotion at what a visionary we had the pleasure of witnessing during our lifetime. As I lay in bed trying to quiet my mind to sleep, I felt him. Have you ever had that feeling that though someone's physical body is dead, part of them remains? I feel that with my mom sometimes, like she's near when I'm struggling or intensely joyful. I felt that last night about Steve Jobs and it reminded me of this old eighties movie I loved as a kid.

It's called Solarbabies, and it's a futuristic tale about an evil organization that is holding the world's water captive. A group of teenagers escape on their roller skates after discovering a magical orb the young boy names Bodi. I'm not sure of the spelling but it's pronounced Bo-dye. Anyway, at the end of the movie, Bodi sort of explodes and surrounds the kids with energy after they've freed the water. Bands of energy connect the group and they notice they can still feel Bodi, that he's everywhere now.

That's how I felt about Steve Jobs last night. He was larger than life and to me, his energy just can't be contained. I have a feeling he can't rest if he's not still in control somehow. I also don't think he would be offended by that statement. The feeling that his energy is still here is "insanely great".

- Written on my Macbook

#NaBloPoMo - What's in a crush?

2011-11-25T14:04:00.004-07:00

When I was just a youngin, I crushed on boys a lot. I can still remember the little purple diary with white hearts and the proclamations of, "I have a boyfriend. His name is Joseph". I was in first grade. Like much of the crushes I had later in life, Joseph never knew I existed. At least then, I had the fact that he probably wasn't in to girls yet going for me.

For some reason this morning I was reflecting on the word "crush" as it relates to an almost three-three year old woman in a committed relationship. Do I have crushes now?

This train of thought led me to another consideration. I've been in my relationship since before I went blind. I've experienced being attracted to men based on attributes besides their looks. Just because you are married or committed doesn't mean you don't still window shop. It's human nature. For me, only if there is intent behind an attraction, is is dangerous.

Evan Longoria is a good sample to showcase my uncanny ability to pick out attractive men even when I can't see them. Evan could be a cheat though, a cheat for me I mean, since he's an athlete. I'm not saying all athletes are attractive. Cough CC Sabathia cough. However something about Evan attracted me before I ever heard him speak or received a description of him. Here is where I think for me, the word crush is, in most cases, admiration. Longoria was the rookie of the year in 2008 when I fell in love with him and consequently the Tampa Bay Rays. His and the Rays story hooked me emotionally. The young athlete who wasn't even thought of as the big thing until he was, the struggling baseball team who changed their name and went to the World Series. It was emotion and a desire to clutch on to something great in my time of literal darkness that galvanized the feelings of attraction for Evan. It just so happened that he was also gorgeous. I got lucky.

However I've lost track of times I've been out with the girls, hear a man speak and whisper, "he's cute, isn't he?" I've never been wrong. At least the girls have never said otherwise and I don't think they'd lie.

Those instances were purely based on voice after an "excuse me" at the store or a quick conversation at the register. I call that talent, but that is more the superficial attraction I notice now as a woman without sight.

The question about crush versus admiration came out today based on "getting to know" someone based on their online persona. Twitter and blogs and youtube channels are a great way to peer into a person's soul, if they're the type to share their personality online. Of course you will never get the entire picture of someone until you've been with them in person and often times not even then, but you get a pretty darn good sample.

Several women, myself included, talk about their Twitter crush. Is this a phenomenon? Do men do it too? I liken it to that crush in high school. Will I see him in the hall today after fourth period? Will he tweet in the next hour? The butterflies are similar. Only it's not the first comes love variety for me. Which is why I think it's more of an admiration. Admiration crush?

I had a professional crush on the doctor I worked for before I went blind. There was never any intent behind it, I was never tempted to go outside my relationship and come on to him in his office, but there was definitely a crush type feeling at times. I remember marveling on it then, how when we discussed a patient's mystery ailment and the doctor figured it out, I found myself aroused, but not in a let's get a hotel room way. I love medicine, I love medical mysteries and there I was, side by side with a man with MD behind his name as the light went on in his head after I showed him some lab results. I grinned as he thumped the patient's chart with his thumb and made the aha sound. It was an amazing experience for me. I dubbed it the professional crush.

So perhaps the Twitter crush for a woman my age is simply an admiration crush. The ones who give me butterflies are ones who share similar interests like baseball or writing or forensics. I had the thought though, I've never had an admiration crush on a woman on Twitter so perhaps it is based on sexual orientation, which would make it a step above admiration? I suppose you also have to factor in life circumstances. Maybe it's just fun to feel fourteen again. I could go on and on, but I won't. Something to ponder.

#NaBloPoMo - Twitter Me This - So Thankful for You

2011-11-24T19:32:00.002-07:00

I've wanted to write a post about the friends I have on Twitter for some time now. I decided today was a good day for it since I'm so thankful for the fellowship I have there. Anyone who says online people aren't real friends must not experience the joy I do every single day when I read your words.

I joined Twitter last year during the baseball season because Jason Bartlett got hurt and I wasn't getting news fast enough. I never thought Twitter would turn into such a rich source of fun people as well as news and breaking current events. I also never expected the fun during games, yelling and groaning with other Rays fans. I miss that…

I figured I'd go to my following list and start writing down names. I started this this morning and am now finishing up after the food festivities. I was about halfway through the Rays group when I got home. It's fun to go through the list and notice how long I've been following some of you. If I've left anyone out, I apologize. I'm putting people down who I had or have had nearly daily interaction with. I'm so glad you're in my life, all of you!

If there were duplicate names, I've added a last initial if I know it.

Here are the Rays Family: (I love how we keep in touch even though it's the off season!)

Suzette, Melanie, Ed, Morgan, Mike, Tony, Steve, TB Rays Addict, Professor Twain, Kimberly, Tim, Dave W., Mario, Manda, Sarah, Mark, Claudia, Sherry, Jordi/Mike, Brenda, Lizz, JB, Cyndi, Joseph, Johnny, Joel, Stephanie, John, Jill, Andrea, Aaron, Jamal, Jim C., Heidi, April, Aviatrixt, Michael, Chris R., Jim D., Dave C., Bradley, ds, Houston, Vicki, and Cork.

Of course there are the baseball players and Joe Maddon and Evan Longoria was the first player I followed. It was fun to scroll all the way down and find the first person in the Rays group I followed. Should Cork Gaines get some kind of prize? Haha!

Here are the people in the category of service dog handler/raisers or assistive technology users and/or Blogger friends, again in the order I started following: (I love how much we learn from each other and how much fun we have!)

Carlos, Nicolai, Shane, Samara, Austin, Dan, Rose, Ceci, Ricardo, Taylor, Ashley, James, Sheri, Brooke, Katrin, Torie, Liam, Barb, Carin, Steve, Shanna, Sadia, Sam, Amanda and L^2.

So what prize does L^2 get? Hehe! I'm such a nut. Especially when I'm food stoned.

There are tons of other people I follow like writers and celebrities and those accounts that just tweet silly stuff. I'm grateful for the interaction I've had with writer Justine Larbalestier, because she's taught me a lot in the few interactions we've had.

Twitter is great for following your favorite athlete or writer or celebrity or politician or whatever floats your boat. While I most definitely enjoy reading tweets by those in that category, it's the interaction with those of you I've listed that have enriched my life in ways I'm not sure a social network should haha!

What struck me this morning as I began this post is that I never knew any of you before I lost my sight. If that's not a silver lining to going blind, I don't know what is!

PS - Highly food stoned if this post makes not much sense. Haha!

#NaBloPoMo - Audio: Hanging with Ro Episode Two

2011-11-23T15:51:00.002-07:00

I decided to do another silly recording for today's post. The recording explains why haha! Forewarning, there is major computer swearage in this one haha! I explain why I never swear on the blog, but this was spur of the moment. So if you don't want to hear it, just turn the volume down for a few minutes when I tell you in the audio haha!

Topics include:

*The aforementioned computer swearing

*How I got my Macbook

*Apple vs. Windows accessibility

*Holiday rant

*TRX training at the gym

*I always mention Evan Longoria and probably always will

There's more than that but that's a gist. Remember, there's computer swearing! You've been warned!

Direct youtube link

#NaBloPoMo - Doggy Diaries - Video: Quick walk with Jayden

2011-11-22T17:02:00.001-07:00

I took a quick video this morning while doing laundry. I'm glad I took it because I don't have the mental energy for the Steve Jobs post I had planned to write.

I'm told you can see Jay from the mid back to his head and that my pink Crocs clogs with the holes in them are visible. Blinks, it's just a quick walk with the camera pointed at Jayden. My sidewalk was described as having pores haha!

If you follow me on Twitter you might have already seen it.

Direct youtube link

#NaBloPoMo - Experiencing the Game (I miss baseball)

2011-11-21T15:13:00.001-07:00

I've had this post just sitting in my computer and since I'm really missing baseball, I thought I'd share. I was working on it during the season but it's just been collecting dust. Here it is, as it was when I left it, I just took my name out. Oh baseball, I miss you…

***

Baseball is an experience. Finding your seats in the park, smelling hotdogs and beer and cracking salty peanuts between your teeth. Listening to vendors shout about their goods as you keep track of balls and strikes on the scoreboard and quickly take in your breath as a ball flies across the field. The baseball game is nine innings, sometimes more, of excitement and sensory overload.

I have never been to Tropicana Field. I have never even been to Florida. Living in arizona and being a rabid Rays fan comes with its own set of challenges as far as showing my support to the team I love so much. The Rays made me a baseball fan in 2008 and before that, the only sporting events I had been to were some college basketball and football games. I've only been to one baseball game since becoming a fan. In 2009, B and I drove to Phoenix for a Diamondbacks/Angels game. The most exciting part of it for me was the fact that B.J. Upton's brother Justin and Willy Aybar's brother Erick would be in the same building I was. They were brothers of Rays, the closest I ever thought I'd be to my beloved ball players.

I don't remember much about the game other than the Angels won it 2-1. I remember we had great seats, behind home plate and up a level or two, and we even had a server. We didn't have vendors in that era and we never had to leave our seats to get food. These seats were in one of two sections at Chase Field for people with disabilities. Since I am blind, we took advantage of such wonderful seats. The customer service desk had given me a radio so I could tune into the broadcast of the game. I remember pressing the radio to my ear, listening to the broadcasters while trying to take in the noise of the crowd and feel the enormity of the place. I remember the thrill and excitement of just being at a major league game more than I remember any spectacular plays. I think there might have been a home run. When I listened to the All-Star festivities this year I thought, I was there. I imagined the place the way I imagined it being there in person, though I could not see it. My guys were there, Matt Joyce and James Shields and David Price, in the building I was in once. It brought me just a little bit closer to the Rays, in a very odd way.

My dream is to have the in person experience at the Trop some day. I'm hoping to go in April, if the cards fall correctly. It's hard, being a huge fan of a team that plays so far away. Rays Index correspondent, Jordi Scrubbings, wrote an article about the guilt of not going. I feel that guild, even though I quite literally cannot swing physically being present at the Trop. I experience the game in my own way. While season ticket holders might get to know their seat mates, I have gotten to know my Twitter mates. We tweet about great plays or bad calls and groan and curse together. I have gotten to know a few of my Twitter mates on a more personal level and they have niched my life in ways they'll never know, much like the Rays team has. It's online that I experience the game, listening to all the radio broadcasts through my subscription to Gameday Audio at mlb.com. Dave Wills and Andy Freed have become part of my life on a daily basis, their voices filling my home, or traveling through my wireless headphones as I move about the house.

I have my own little rituals, personal mantras I say to myself when the guys come to bat. Some of them are quite personal, so I'm grateful for the solitude when uttering them out loud and when not alone, repeating them over and over in my head. When things get tense during a game I tend to pace around the apartment and I'll never forget one game in particular. It was the Rays first win of the season this year, on April eight. It was against the White Sox. Dan Johnson was at the plate with the ability to get the Rays closer to the win. It was the ninth inning, I had my wireless headphones on and I was wearing the carpet down pacing so fast. I walked into the kitchen when I heard the call. Johnson hit the ball hard with two men on base. I held my breath and clutched the wall as my heart raced and when that ball left the park I sank on to my haunches, the air released from my lungs in a tight squeal. The Rays had taken the lead. They might finally win a game!

During the game on Sunday August seventh, Dave Wills tweeted a question, "if there was a movie about the Rays...who would play Andy Freed?" I thought about this for a second. Not knowing what Andy Freed looks like, I thought about his voice and the first actor to pop into my mind was George Clooney. I tweeted Dave, explaining that based on voice, I would pick Clooney.

About ten minutes later, Wills told Freed during the broadcast that he had a new best friend, I can't remember word for word. I had called the post game show a few nights earlier, when Dave and Andy were filling in for Rich Herrera. I knew I had to call and talk to the men I invite into my home every day. Dave Wills somehow knew I was the same woman who had called and had now tweeted him because he said to Andy, "remember {Ro} the girl from Tucson who called a few nights ago?" Andy remembered. Dave went on to explain what I had said in my tweet about George Clooney. Andy said something about telling his wife that, who loves Clooney. They went on to talk about the game and I was left feeling ecstatic!

In that moment, I almost felt a part of. I almost felt like I was there, showing my support for my team and all because my name had been mentioned on air, a discussion taking place between the two broadcasters who for me, are just as important as the athletes themselves. The broadcasters help me "see" the game. Since I hadn't been a baseball fan in my sighted days, I can't picture the parks. The only players I can envision are Randy Johnson and Derek Jeter. Why I have images of them in my head, I'll never know. Through descriptions during the game I have my own images of what the Trop looks like, the catwalks and the Rays tank. Discussions with women on Twitter have given me ideas of what the guys look like. Those are fun discussions, thanks ladies!

Because of the hundreds of games I've listened to, I quickly call to mind what a double play would look like, the way the dirt appears after a hard slide, the ball rolling just foul along the line. I have an image of the Green Monster at Fendway and the ivy at Wrigley. I've come to know certain sounds at certain parks like the annoying whistle that plays at New Yankee Stadium when a guy is out or the soothing sounds of the train in Seattle. All the auditory experiences during a broadcast are what I've come to love instead of peanut venders and the beer guy. It wasn't until this season that I realized a sound I heard at the Trop was the repetitive "beer, beer, beeper" call and not a fan making a strange bird sound.

I even find myself speaking along with the commercials I hear so regularly, or shouting along with the featured calls of Wills and Freed during station representation announcements at the top of the hour. Game time is quite sacred for me. I hate when I have to miss a game which luckily is a rare occurrence. When I do, the best way to catch up seems to be by reading all the tweets and getting minute-by-minute updates with feelings attached.

During the bottom of the ninth on August 31, 2011 Kyle Farnsworth was on to save the game against the Rangers. Dave Wills helped me experience what a pitcher feels when he uses a split finger grip. Farnsworth was struggling and had thrown over twenty pitches. Wills talked about Farnsworth's recent elbow tenderness and said they had been concerned about that particular grip. Wills explained the grip, spread your index and middle finger as far as they will go. Try it and you will feel it in your elbow. I did this with my right hand and instantly felt a pulling in my elbow as well as an ache in my forearm. I did it three or four times and five minutes later, my hand was still stiff from it. It was incredible to experience that since I find it difficult to imagine the pitchers' grips.
For me the words "baseball" and "Rays" mean more than a game or a team. They are emotions I find very difficult to express. Jordi Scrubbings recently wrote Fields of Solace, a piece I deeply related to. While I don't get the escape at Tropicana Field, I experience the escape of the game at home and for those three hours, all is good and right in the world.

***

Just a few more months to go before the world is right again.

#NaBloPoMo - It's fun to read an entire blog

2011-11-20T10:16:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile since I've had the desire to read every post of a blog I find. I recently did just that, creating temporary bookmarks as I went so I wouldn't lose my place. I've had the blog on my roll for quite awhile now but just hadn't sat down to write about it.

The blog is called, "Culture Shock" and it's written by an American who now lives in Croatia with his Croatian wife and their three children. He writes about the differences between Croatia and the states in such a way as to make you want to visit, at least it's made me want to apply for a passport.

He describes what it is like to learn another language and even the culture shock he experiences when visiting his home land of America. How quickly the pace picks up, how everyone has a cell phone out no matter where they are, how America has baseball, his favorite sport. He's even bringing baseball to Croatia! The differences are vast and quite interesting. I enjoyed stories of pay bathrooms, crazy parking, tight roadways, ice free beverages and how dare you have a "dirty" car?

One of the aspects I like about "Culture Shock" as well are the posts about Christianity. Since I am quite a spiritual person, I tend to drink up the things I like about the different faiths, and Jeremy's posts give me a sense of enlightened comfort without making me run screaming from religious talk. I truly appreciate that.

I was already admiring Jeremy and his family so you can imagine my surprise when I finally reached the beginning of the blog and read his introduction to find out he had been named the Time Person of the Year! How refreshing, I thought, that the award went to a man doing selfless missionary work in Croatia. If you read nothing else on his blog, please go read that post. I assure you, you will enjoy visiting the link he provides about his award. I know I did.

#NaBloPoMo - My Story: Right Eye Blind and MS

2011-11-19T12:32:00.003-07:00

Yesterday Carol came over to begin helping be go through the storage containers in the spare room and organize the memories stored within. We threw out some more stuff that had no business being kept and she read things I had written before losing my sight. The most valuable things were letters I had written in my drinking days. What a reminder of why I don't drink! One line read, "I'm soooo hungover. I know a beer would help but I'm scared." That pretty much summed up the end of my drinking days.

She also looked through a CD full of pictures from my partying days. It was really good to reflect and remember but it also left me rather exhausted and numb. There were also many reminders of Mom and my childhood. We did this for about five hours. This morning I felt the urge to continue writing my story here. I haven't written anything in the my story label since 2009. Wow.

In case you are interested and want to read the other posts in order, here's the school days, college, mom and alcoholism, deciding to get sober and first year of sobriety.

So when last I left off, I had been sober a year. Everything was pretty great. I had a host of amazing friends, a good job, a nice car and an apartment I had never drank in and loved. Life was just pretty spectacular. I was very involved with a fellowship of young sober people. I was twenty-seven. Life was great! I loved being sober!

There was a young people's conference in Prescott, AZ in May of 2006. I was thirteen months sober and hadn't planned on going. I didn't want to spend the money since I had just spent a lot going to a conference in California. Then I decided it would be fun to make a day trip out of it and just go up for the Saturday night main speaker meeting.

My friends had already all driven up and I didn't want to make the drive alone so I called my friend G, my ex-boyfriend who had become a great friend, and asked if he wanted an adventure. He wasn't in the program, but agreed at once to take the trip with me.

A couple days before that Saturday, I felt like I had an annoying migraine behind my right eye, which was odd, because I had always had migraines behind my left one. Then the vision started getting weird, kinda like looking through TV fuzz. I had had a week long migraine like this once, but in the left eye, so while it was strange I wasn't concerned.

The morning of the trip, it was as if a curtain were slowly being lowered over my right eye. It started like a black shadow just on the top of my vision, and the migraine-like pain was still there. It ached when my eye moved. I was excited about the trip though, so put it aside, figuring I'd go to the doc on Tuesday if things were still weird.

Things got worse by the time we arrived in Prescott. I could hardly see out of the right eye. The entire top of my vision was obscured. The pain was getting really bad. I made it through the meeting and even managed to dance for awhile afterwards and then on the drive back I could no longer ignore it. Moving my eyes to check my mirrors or glance behind me to change lanes was becoming excruciating. Headlights were like daggers into my brain. We were driving back in the middle of the night.

We stopped at an IHOP and while we ate, we discussed my eye. I thought it must be a detached retina or something. We talked about the ER but I was trying not to go that route. As we stood in the parking lot after eating, I looked at a street light. I closed my left eye and the light vanished. The right eye couldn't see the light. I decided the ER was indeed absolutely necessary. G drove the car back into town and straight to the hospital. It must have been four or five in the morning on Sunday.

The ER was blissfully empty and I was in good spirits. I was very sleep deprived and goofy and had had a great time with G on our little trip. I didn't wait long before the triage nurse called me back. G went with and my vitals were checked. I was asked to read the eye chart, which I could do until they asked me to close my left eye. I still was in good spirits. Whatever it was, they'd fix it.

They took us to an exam room and the doc came in. He was completely confused. Nothing looked detached or torn but my pupil was doing something strange. He had G look too. When light was shined into my right eye, the pupil would dilate and then bounce. Literally bounce. He showed me in a mirror. The brown strands of color around the black pupil bounced in and out lazily. The doc brought in other docs to have a look.

Finally they wanted me to see the ophthalmologist on call. I would need to go to his office. They told us where to go and I knew the place. I had taken my Gamma there. It was the same doc.

We met him at his office at six or seven on a Sunday morning. It was strange to be let in by the doc and have no staff or patients around. It was just the doc and G and me. He examined both my eyes and I told him he had done surgery on my Gamma's eyes. He recognized the name.

Suddenly he backed away and said he wanted me to go back to the hospital and have an MRI. He would call and arrange it as we drove. He wanted it immediately. My stomach began doing cartwheels. This did not sound good.

"I'm worried about MS," he said. "This looks like optic neuritis, which often presents in multiple sclerosis. I want you to have an MRI immediately."

I stared at him. I had an eye problem and this man was telling me something was wrong with my brain? I knew what MS was, sorta. I loved this movie called Hillary and Jackie, about a cellist who had MS. It was a true story.

I peppered the doc with questions. Couldn't it be something else? You're sure the retina is ok? Anything but MS. Please! He was very matter-of-fact with me. He hadn't seen optic neuritis in a patient without MS. The condition is usually temporary, with vision being restored, but MS is not temporary.

G drove me back to the hospital. They whisked us back into a room and I was prepped for the MRI. I had never had one before. G and I sat in a daze, sleep deprived and scared. He and I went all the way back to when I was a freshman in high school. I was so grateful he was there. I didn't call anyone; I didn't have time. That ophthalmologist must have made it very clear that I was to have an MRI STAT.

All I could think about was my lack of insurance. I had just started a new job in the cytology department of a lab, preparing specimens for testing. My benefits wouldn't be active for another ten days. Luckily they enrolled me in Arizona's version of Medicaid. A hospital visit is the easiest way to get that accomplished.

I actually slept in the MRI machine. I was all bundled up in blankets with country music coming through the headphones clamped to my ears. I found that machine comforting. When they pulled me out however, my right eye was completely blind. I thought it wouldn't open. It was open, just not seeing.

G and I waited what seemed an eternity for the results. The doc assigned to me looked like Detective EAmes from Law and Order: Criminal Intent. She was very nice. I remember laying on the gurney, cotton ball taped to my arm where the MRI IV had been. G was sitting in a chair next to the bed, leaning his head against the wall. We discussed all my strange ailments I had experienced while we had dated in my drinking days. Could MS have been the cause of all that? I had been through heart tests and blood work but nothing had ever shown a thing. After I got sober, my doc and I thought it had all been my alcoholism. It made sense. It could have been.

When Dr. Eames finally came back and delivered the news, brain lesions, definitely MS, need to give you steroids, should admit you, all I could do was cry and scream at her, "what the F*ck did I bother getting sober for!!!!" she placed her hand on my arm and told me staying sober was the best thing I could do for MS.

They hooked me up to another IV and I questioned what they were giving me. No narcotics, I'm sober, no narcotics. Steroids, that's all. Why steroids? It's what we do with the onset of MS. Why? Questions. Everything a blur. A gram of Solu-Medrol began pumping into my arm. A gram? Will I get addicted? Will I have super human strength? It's not the stuff the athletes take. Oh. But you need to have someone with you. You could go a little crazy. I'll stay with her. G would stay with me. Watch her for any drastic mood changes. I wasn't being admitted. Another doc wanted me admitted. I'm chairing a meeting on Tuesday, I need to go to meetings, don't admit me. Ok but come back for the next three days for steroids. Three days? Three days. Outpatient, come back. Call your doctor. You need a neurologist. Steroids dripping through the rubber tubing. I can't see out of my right eye. It'll come back, the vision would come back. What else will happen to me? Will I be paralyzed? We don't know. It's different in everyone. Multiple Sclerosis. Thirteen months sober. New job. Love my life. MS. Right eye can't see. Steroids.

I remember calling my sponsor. I remember G driving us back to my apartment. I remember we had stopped and gotten fast food. It was a Sunday. Monday was a holiday. G would need some things from home. I went with him. We told his parents. It is all such a blur. We came back to my apartment and my back hurt. My body hurt. I wanted to sit in the sun. The sun helped. We were so tired but we couldn't sleep. We had known each other so long. We had been in love. We had lived together until my alcoholism drove him away but he was there, supporting me. Georgie was having a barbecue the next day. I wanted to go. What if I got so sick I could never go again. I had to go.

I went, after my steroid treatment the next day. I crawled into Georgie's bed and we cried and cried. She had just been through something huge, too. At the barbecue people asked what was wrong. Other sober people. I told them. I cried. I told others and cried. Georgie told others and we cried. I hadn't told my family. I couldn't see out of my right eye. My balance was completely crazy. I was hyper from the steroids but depressed and exhausted. I still managed to laugh. I remember still finding my humor, the day after it all happened. I remember laughing through my tears.

G stayed with me while I was still on the high dose steroids. He went to work during the day when I could be around other people. I didn't go crazy from the steroids. After the IV doses were done, I had to take pills to taper off at home. The heartburn was terrible. I was hyper and didn't sleep well. I got bloated and I couldn't cool off. I hated those stupid little white pills.

I shared everything at the meeting I chaired on Tuesday. I was surrounded by love and support. The timing really couldn't have been any better. Getting the diagnosis at thirteen months sober, when I had my feet under me and a host of friends, the trust in my higher power, it really was perfect timing. Dr. Eames had been right. Staying sober was the best thing I could do.

I left the job, because with the onset of the MS came shaking hands that couldn't accurately pour. The sudden loss of vision in my right eye killed my depth perception and accuracy was out. I ran into walls because I couldn't see on the right side. My left leg had gone heavy, almost dragging at times.

My doc found me a neurologist she loved. She almost felt bad she hadn't diagnosed the MS before, instead blaming my drinking. I assured her it was good, because if I had been diagnosed when I was drinking, who knows what would have happened? I doubted I would have gotten sober. Things would have been very different.

My neurologist told me not to go online. Don't go read about MS. Don't do it. He said most of his patients with MS were "a depressed lot". He said don't let the depression get me. Don't read, don't look into what might happen to you. MS is different in everyone. He assured me the vision would come back in my right eye, though colors would be muted. I wish he had been right, sometimes.

Ok, I'm going to leave off hear. I didn't expect to write what I just wrote. I suppose that's what happens when the memory and the fingers team up, huh? It's quite therapeutic to write about my past. I don't know why but it is. Hopefully I won't wait another two years to continue.

#NaBloPoMo - Free Audio Books

2011-11-18T20:01:00.001-07:00

Today has been really busy, so I'm throwing up the quick post I was determined not to do for NaBloPoMo. Just don't have time for anything with more substance.

This is cool though. Audio books are free when they're old classics and the copyright is expired. They are read by volunteer narrators. You can't get Stephen King books or anything like that, but there is a lot of good stuff and it's fairly accessible. I downloaded "Phantom of the Opera" last night and it's nice to have a free book.

To check it out, click here.

Thanks Ceci!

#NaBloPoMo - Doggy Diaries - 21 Things at 21 Months Together

2011-11-17T17:32:00.001-07:00

Today is twenty-one months since I was matched with Jayden at GDB, so I thought I'd write twenty-one things, in no particular order, I adore about my JayBay. :)

1. The sound of him drinking water, and the wet snoot he almost always puts in my palm afterwards.

2. Touching him on the couch to find him on his back all sprawled out and happy.

3. The contented grunt he makes when I scratch his ears or touch him unexpectedly.

4. Hearing him begin to bark or growl in his sleep.

5. Dream wagging.

6. How proudly he trots when I ask him to find his empty Wobbler.

7. His reaction to the word, banana.

8. How he gets completely still when I ask if he wants a cookie after he finds the empty Wobbler.

9. How he hops backwards into a heel position when I've got a treat and tap my left leg.

10. When he comes running and stares at the magic ice machine at Gamma's.

11. How happy he makes Gamma, how he watches out for her, too.

12. When it's close to feeding time and he watches my every move, then when I put my face close to his he goes still waiting for me to ask, "are you hungry?" then bounds off the couch and bounces in to the kitchen.

13. Hearing his contented sighs, reminding me I'm never alone.

14. The way he puts his chin on my knee, sitting in front of me, when he wants something.

15. He insists on being on the floor with me while I'm doing yoga and he will get bored and begin furiously chewing a bone, making me smile.

16. He makes laundry fun. Laundry was a chore I hated until he began making it an adventure.

17. His doggy bow every time I get the harness out. It's like he's asking, "how may I be of service?"

18. The way he freaks out when I blow raspberries on his tummy.

19. How he nibbles at my hands and fingers when we're cuddling and he's being really affectionate.

20. The way he wraps his paws around my arm. It's like our version of holding hands.

21. The fact that he's always with me, even when I'm vacuuming and he can't help, he's never far away. In fact when I vacuum, it's almost like he's afraid the loud thing will get me.

I just realized I didn't really include Jayden's guide work. Having a guide dog, it's just a given that their work will be incredible and naturally I love the independence he gives me, but really that's just a bonus. The best part about having Jayden is Jayden, pure and simple. How did I live without him? He has completed my life!

#NaBloPoMo - My favorite pain reliever is Yoga

2011-11-16T11:25:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I told myself not to talk myself out of going to the gym. I did just that this morning, but out of necessity. There was no way, with the amount of pain I was in, that I could get myself and Jayden ready, wait for paratransit, add more pain even though it would have been good pain. I knew exercise would be good, but it was Yoga I craved, not cardio and lifting weights.

I've only taken three Yoga classes in my life. Two at GDB on Tuesday nights and one here at Saavi. The classes at GDB were wonderful. Deep stretches with controlled breathing in silence with a few other people in the room. The one at Saavi was intense muscle toning Yoga with music and moving from one pose to the other with no regard for breath and it smelled like feet. Taking paratransit home afterwards killed any relaxing the stretches might have invoked.

I bought a CD of the Yoga class from the instructor at GDB and this is perfect for pain relief at home. It's quiet in the house and Jayden insists on laying on the floor with me, which makes me smile.

I knew I needed this today. The level of my pain had reached a point last night that had me wishing I had a script for pot. I never enjoyed recreational pot back in my drinking days, but I sured loved it for migraines or cramps. So when my pain reaches critical mass, I start wishing for it.

Luckily, Yoga has the same effect. When I'm through with my hour long session, my pain is all but gone and my mind is relaxed. I feel so much better right now; it's like night and day!

I had a neurologist tell me once there's no pain with MS. Really? Do you have it? Yeah didn't think so. I can't even fully describe it, I don't think. There's muscle pain that just comes from being tense but there's also nerve pain. Everywhere. Like when ice touches a nerve on a tooth, everywhere. Even touching a cat will hurt. It's gotta be like fibromyalgia. I think the muscle pain is intensified because I'm blind now, being on high alert constantly, aware of my surroundings, moving about slowly especially when the pain is bad. There's also of course just normal life stress that adds to that. My bones even hurt. I'm going to talk to my doc next month about the possibility of arthritis. Cold weather is better for the MS since it helps the nerves from inflaming, but cold adds to my physical pain since it tenses the muscles, so there's really no win win, except that I'm in much less danger of a bad flair during cold weather.

When I first begin the Yoga, sitting on the chair hurts. I'm only on the chair briefly and as soon as the stretching and breathing begins, the pain begins to ebb. It's rather miraculous, to be in that much pain and feel it start to dwindle away. Oh thank you Yoga, thank you!

I don't rule out medical pot for my future, if it gets to the point where Yoga and massage don't cut it anymore. I hope it never has to come to that, with my addictive nature. However I'd rather get hooked on medical pot than narcotics, so I'll turn to the weed before the pill if it ever comes to that. For now though, Yoga is incredible and I need to do more of it, instead of just waiting until the pain gets this bad. It's also free, doing it in my house, and there's no travel afterwards, which is fantastic.

You know what else? After a massage or Yoga, I have a slight improvement in my vision. It's not like I can see anything, but shadows are more apparent, the slats on my closet door become sharp. It's like contrasts become more prevalent when I'm that relaxed. Weird, huh?

I highly recommend Yoga for chronic pain. I'm grateful I had two classes though, because I still remember things she told me about my form which is really good to know.

I'm so relaxed and pain free right now, so happy making.

#NaBloPoMo - Hazy Nothings

2011-11-15T17:04:00.002-07:00

I am completely exhausted today so I have no real brain power left for a post. How bout a nothing stream of consciousness post? Yeah why not.

It's almost time to feed Jayden so this will be fragmented. An Offspring song is playing. Do you ever have a day where you're in such a daze it almost feels like the day didn't or isn't happening? That's how I feel today. I'm so tired.

I woke up in the middle of the night and was in so much pain I couldn't get back to sleep. A storm system is moving out and the constant change in the weather lately is killing me. I haven't been able to afford a massage since I think the beginning of Octoberish so ouch. Add all the cleaning I've done, moving furniture and scrubbing and ugh. It's not pretty.

Thank goodness for the bum cushion. The pain would be world's worse if I didn't have that. Bum cushion? Yeah, I don't feel like finding the link right now. Maybe by the time I go to publish this, I'll go find it.

I think Silverchair is playing now. Yep, Silverchair.

Anyway, back to the hazy day. The hours seem thin, thinking back on them. The day doesn't seem to have any substance, like trying to remember a dream. It's like thinking back on my past and straining to remember what happened in a blackout. Ok it's not THAT bad; I do remember today for the most part. I'm just so tired.

I had plans to go to Gamma's today since we skipped Sunday due to weather. Oops, it's Jay's feeding time.

Ok so yeah, Gamma's today. Gamma invited Aunt B too, so she picked me up. This morning I walked around like a zombie getting ready. I remember talking to Georgie on the phone, and discovering a product on Amazon didn't have free shipping anymore. Sad making. If it doesn't have free shipping, I don't buy it. I remember almost falling over in the shower, on the curtain side not the wall side. That would have been bad.

Once we got to Gamma's I was ok, just felt tired. Then Jayden kept me from running into a wall and he wasn't even working. I had him on leash after taking him outside. I love it when he leash works.

After we ate and chatted Aunt B and I headed out. It was nice not to have to take paratransit as originally planned. Jayden kept me from falling off the steps of the front porch. Geez, I was so incredibly out of it.

Luckily I had prepared coffee before I left, sensing I'd practically need a coffee IV upon arriving home. I brewed it and then the afternoon gets really hazy. I don't even really remember what I read online. I know I tested a site for someone on the accessibility list which I shouldn't have done in such a state. Then 'American Pie' started playing and I remembered audio I promised for a Twitter friend. I don't know how I even managed to do that. I suppose things you do on a regular basis can be done on auto pilot. I've literally felt stoned today and I absolutely despise that feeling.

It's kinda funny if you saw me walk right now, all herby jerky, kinda like buffering audio. Funny when I'm not stuck on the scary. Times like these make me wonder if the MS is waking but I really think it's just the perfect combo of ever changing weather, not sleeping well last night and built up pain from no massages in awhile. I think the gym will help tomorrow, if I don't talk myself out of going. Don't talk yourself out of going, tomorrow Ro.

I hear voices outside and Ozzy Osborne is singing.

Oh it's two nights now with the veggie medley. So good, so so good. The cubed cheddar really adds just the perfect amount of flavor. It's yummy. Tomorrow's a weigh-in day though I really don't expect two nights of eating veggies to make much of a difference. We shall see. I was 156 at the last weigh-in. Target of 150. So close, so so close.

A jet is flying over. I love that sound. Oh it's rumbling! I can feel it in my stomach. Love it!

No more tears, sings Ozzy.

It's 4:46 pm. Can I go to bed yet? Not for a few hours. I'm listening to a collection of short stories by Stephen King. Fun stuff. One of them referred to a thirty two year old woman is being in early middle age. Early middle age? Ouch. I'm thirty-two. Early middle age? Oh well, at least I'll always picture myself at twenty-nine. I think I will get relevant links for this post. It's the least I can do. I'm not THAT hazy. I really do feel like I'm trying to recount a dream, thinking about my day today. It's like trying to hold water in your hands.

Just added the two links. Now the sentences about not finding the links don't make sense. But they shall stay since it's my blog and I'll leave them if I want to. Stone Temple Pilots are singing now. I need to do another audio blog. Got lots of good response to that. I didn't get any comments on the, oh great we need another link, playing with Jayden audio I did yesterday.

Who's this singing now, I can't tell. Siri? Siri where are you? Oh right, I don't have you. Alex, check iTunes please, who's this? Aerosmith? Wow, this is very early Aerosmith. Doesn't sound like them.

I'm gonna go listen for typos and see if anything else comes to mind.

#NaBloPoMo - Doggy Diaries - Audio: Jayden playing with, and losing, a milk jug

2011-11-14T16:11:00.002-07:00

Jayden loves to play with empty milk jugs. This afternoon I organized another cabinet and found an empty one I had rinsed and saved for him. We began playing and he ran with it and lost it. He went in the bedroom and stood by the dresser but I didn't find it. Then he got on the couch and gloomily lay down. I was a woman obsessed trying to find the thing for him!

I searched under every piece of furniture in the living room since it had sounded like that was the last place he'd had it, but the fact that he had stood in the bedroom made me feel around under the bed. I have no idea how he managed to get the thing under there, but there it was.

When he discovered I had it again, he jumped off the couch and was happy again. I had just given it to him when I thought to grab some audio. Someone had suggested Jayden audio after the Hanging with Ro bit. Jay seemed disappointed when I took the jug again, but they get destroyed so quickly I didn't want him to kill it before I grabbed the iPod.

We got some great audio! Eventually he went running again and lost the jug once more. The end of the audio gets a little boring as I look for the jug again, but by that time I was so worn out I gave up and stopped the audio.

As of this moment, I haven't found the jug again, but I haven't searched very hard. ;)

Enjoy!

Direct link to youtube audio

#NaBloPoMo - Replacing Cheetos

2011-11-13T10:07:00.001-07:00

I go through phases where I'm totally addicted to Cheetos. I end up eating them at night while listening to an audio book and it becomes total habit. I don't go through a whole bag so that's a good thing, but still. After I'd have my fill of Cheetos, I'd go looking for something else. It had gotten a little out of hand.

I didn't gain weight, which is good, but I've stopped loosing as well. I'm only six pounds away from my target, so something has to change to try and reach that goal. The last two nights I didn't have any Cheetos. The first night I finished the Red Vines I had and then raided the peanut M&M's I had found while cleaning out cupboards. Apparently it's not Cheetos at all, but nighttime hunger and the desire to snack. Last night I felt the hunger but ignored it and instead thought of healthy snacks for the evenings.

When we go to the Melting Pot, my favorite dipper for the cheese is the raw cauliflower. When there's a small piece I won't even dip it in the cheese. It has such a yummy nutty flavor almost. I also love raw broccoli. The other night when I was thinking about stopping the Cheetos I thought about those little baby carrots. Last night I thought about making a nice big mix of veggies on Sundays for the week ahead.

Carol and I had talked about this very thing and she had mentioned cheese and crackers. Her dad enjoys that at night. It's actually been studied and they say eating before sleep keeps your brain functioning. Who knows how accurate that is. Are eggs bad for us right now? Is coffee going to kill us? Who knows when "they" say. Anyway I was contemplating cheese and crackers, too. Chedder cheese on a wheat cracker, with maybe some spicy mustard. That would take work every night though, I thought.

My mind wandered back to the cheese and cauliflower and I thought, what if I chop up cauliflower, and broccoli, add the baby carrots and cube some cheddar cheese? That would make a delicious snack mix, if you ask me. I don't have ranch dressing in the house, so that's even safer.

Cheese is good for you in moderation, but I did have the thought that adding cheese to my veggie medley would be a bad thing. Why though? It's not like I'd cube an entire brick of the stuff, and it wouldn't be that horrid cheese sauce.

So, I think I'm going to get that stuff today. I wonder if one head each of broccoli and cauliflower will be enough for a week? The last time I cut up a head of broccoli, there wasn't very much of it. Maybe I'll get two of each, a bag of baby carrots, and a small brick of cheddar cheese. Yes, that sounds like a good plan.

I'm blogging this to hold myself accountable for this switch. I won't completely deny myself Cheetos, but I can't stay in the habit of eating them when I get a bag. It needs to stop at one bag every so often. I'm such an addict! One is two many and a thousand isn't enough. Maybe the veggie medley at night will kill the Cheetos craving.

Do you have any tips for night time snacking? I read once to brush your teeth before bed. Duh, I always do. The article said if you brush your teeth, you won't want to eat. Huh? Ok, that doesn't work for me haha! I'll just brush them again.

I'm getting hungry now, thinking about my veggie medley! Oooh, mushrooms. I could even add sliced raw mushrooms...

#NaBloPoMo - The Empty Bottle

2011-11-12T12:28:00.004-07:00

This morning when I beeped Timmy so I could put him in the spare room and go outside, it sounded like he was inside the white couch. I couldn't figure it out; there was no room for him to be inside the couch and he's never been under it before. I thought maybe the receiver had come off and fallen between the cushions so I started feeling around.

I've vacuumed out that couch I don't know how many times. I use the hose extension even. How I had never vacuumed the right side of the couch by the arm before, I have no idea.

My fingers felt the grime there and an old milk ring Spinelli used to play with. I could feel that I hadn't ever vacuumed that side before. I was cursing my past self when I felt something hard. Upon further investigation, I discovered it was a bottle. Hmmm. I left it there for B to look at.

When I told him about Timmy beeping from the couch, oh yeah, he had been under it, B looked where I told him I had felt a bottle. He jokes with me a lot so when he exclaimed that it was an empty bottle of Jim Beam, I didn't believe him. He was laughing and I reached out for it.

I unscrewed the cap and sniffed and my stomach curdled oh gross oh gross it smells like whiskey oh ick oh ick oh no ewwwwwwww!

I was shrieking all this as I capped and held the bottle in front of me like a dead rat and dumped it in the trash. It was one of those smaller bottles, a pint maybe? It's been over six and a half years since a liquor bottle has been in a place I call home. I think my reaction was the funniest part of it. It might as well have been a severed head, with how I freaked out. Hahaha!

Jayden thought this was funny too and began running all over the house as B and I laughed at him and the discovery of the bottle.

It must have been there since before the previous owner gave it to me. Heck, the couch had been someone else's before it was hers, so who knows how long it's been there? I just can't believe I had never vacuumed that spot before.

If anyone is thinking maybe it was B's, no way. He's over fourteen years sober and if any alcohol had been drunk here, I would have smelled it. I can smell it on a person if they pass me in the store, that's how sensitive I am to it these days. So no, you bet your bum it wasn't him.

Nothing like an empty bottle of whiskey in your couch to keep it green. I actually like the reaction I had to it. I literally recoiled as if from a hot flame, or a severed head.

#NaBloPoMo - Doggy Diaries - Trash and laundry, robo and canine

2011-11-11T18:26:00.003-07:00

There was a discussion on Twitter recently about robotic guide dogs. There was a link, but I didn't click it. A robotic guide dog? No thanks. The discussion was interesting though, what if it rains, what if the battery dies. I couldn't help but think about Scott Westerfeld's "Leviathan" series. Which is better, machine or beastie? It's a brilliant series of books. You should read them if you like alternate histories and fantastical creations.

Anyway, back to the robo dog. There's no way a robo dog could intuit when you want the trash vs. the laundry. You would have to give it a command all the time. Sure, you might have to give a dog the command too, left or right etc, but I'm pretty sure most of them begin to read your mind. Ask any guide dog handler and they'll tell you it's true.

What amazes me about Jayden and has for awhile now, is that when I'm dragging the laundry cart behind me, he needs no cues. He knows right where to go. As soon as the cart comes out in fact, he gets excited. He takes the "dry" out of laundry, that's for sure. His excitement makes it less of a chore and more of an outing, until it's time to put the clothes away that is.

We had stopped taking the trash out, leaving it to the man of the house, after Jayden took me to the neighbor's house one day after I tossed the bag. I was stuck with my handled trash can. I never just carry a bag in case I have to set it down in a hurry. I felt terrible because the neighbor lady wanted to chat and I had laundry I had to get back to. This must have been months ago now. I don't think I blogged about it so I can't remember.

Anyway, doing all the cleaning required trips to the trash so I finally decided to let Jayden take me again. I did some patterning after we tossed each load, using the trash can as a kind of cane, feeling the curb and pointing us in the right direction. Eventually he took me straight home and rekindled my confidence in the route.

Here's where my amazement really kicked in. One day I had several loads of junk and didn't fancy taking them one by one with the trash can. So I got the laundry cart out and loaded it with two bags. Hey, at least it cut the trips in half. As usual, Jay got excited when the cart came out and I expected him to try and go to the laundry which is the opposite direction of the trash.

He knew I had trash bags!

With no verbal or physical cue from me he went right to the trash even though I was dragging the laundry cart. This might seem small, but for the proud guide dog handler, this was exhilarating. I love to see his mind working. It's almost like you witness new paths forming in their brain. I could almost hear him thinking, "she didn't sort all those clothes first."

When I did laundry next, I wondered if he'd want to go to the last destination the cart had travelled to. Why did I even doubt? The boy took me right to the laundry. There were more trips to the trash, but never both on the same day. See what I'm leading up to?

Tell me, would a robo dog take you to the laundry with your cart full of clothes and sheets and then an hour later, take you right to the trash with the cart loaded with two trash bags and a box? I think not.

That's exactly what Jayden did today. After the laundry was put away I decided to haul the last bit of trash from the cleaning adventures. Without missing a beat my boy turned in the direction of the trash with no cues from me. What a smart dog!

We spent lots of time outside today since it was beautiful out. We decided to take a walk after the clothes were put in the dryer which worked out well since the electric bill needed dropping off. We can no longer use the outgoing mail slot since people break into it. Thanks, idiot people. Then again, outgoing mail, the one thing we mail a month, is a great excuse for a trip to the office so maybe I should thank the idiot people. Until summer that is, and then the man of the house can take it down in the heat. ;)

My boy is curled up on the couch after his great work today. If I knelt in front of him, he'd give me a kiss. Robo dog? Fah!

#NaBloPoMo - A plea to the future me

2011-11-10T16:12:00.003-07:00

Dear Ro of the future,

This is a plea to you, yep a plea. Take a sip of coffee. Ready? Ok.

Now, I've forgiven the past me for the stupid way I packed the last two times I moved. I was so anxious to get into my new places that I thought I'd save time by just shoving everything I owned into boxes and big plastic Rubbermaid containers. Or coffee cans. Or plastic cat litter containers. Sure, I got rid of a lot of stuff but why did I keep all the pens?

Future self, I can tell you with the utmost certainty that slacking at the time does not save time. Sure, you might think it saves time in the moment, but you know that law of conservation of energy? Well, that applies to packing and storing and cleaning. Whatever time you push forward remains and collects dust. Yes, time collects dust. Just remember your sinuses and itchy eyes and all the sneezing.

In case you don't believe this post, which knowing me, you will but just in case, and because you'll probably do some slacking between now and whatever chunk of time might collect dust if you're not on top of things, here are a couple reminders. Here is how it all started. Don't let all of Carol's hard work go to waste. Just don't. Here's a post about the cats' room. That room has been the hardest of all. today's work on that room is why I'm writing this letter to you, future self. It's awesome in there. It really is. Everything is dusted and now covered with old sheets. The window is actually open. You emptied a bottle of Febreeze and a bottle of Lysol in there today. You vacuumed the heck out of that room, moving everything in there. It's amazing. Do not, I repeat, do not, let that room go. Seriously.

It hasn't happened yet, but it most likely will have by the time you read this post in the future. Carol will be coming over to help me go through the stuff that didn't get tossed. She's going to be putting more hard work into this house. Don't let that be in vain. I'm not sure what to threaten you with. Just remember this sense of accomplishment. Remember forgiving your past past self for the stupid packing because how were you to know that you'd go blind and leave all that stuff for way too long? Will you be in that forgiving of a mood six months from now? A year? I don't think so.

You haven't always been the best at keeping clean and organized, but you're damn good at it now. Don't forget that. It's ok if you have some bad spoon weeks when you can't do it, but pick it up as soon as you're able. Remember, you live with four animals and a boy. Remember that. Keeping this kind of house hold clean is a full time job.

Ok, finish your coffee and go clean something.

Love,

The November 2011 Ro

#NaBloPoMo - Another edition of Keyword Gems. Is your search query here?

2011-11-09T16:57:00.001-07:00

I knew I had one fairly easy post for NaBloPoMo and I'm cashing it in today. I don't have time to write something from scratch, so I'll bring you another edition of 'They Landed Here', which I've been titling, "Keyword Gems". These are search queries I save that made me laugh at the time of finding them on my stat counter. In case you find that you're one of the people searching for these terms, don't worry, I have no way of finding out who you are. Stat counters don't work that way.

Below each query is the thought I had at the time of saving the search term. Hope you enjoy! Oh yeah, I copied this idea some time ago from VomitComet. Check out their "You are Here?" label for hours and hours of laughter!

***

Remember the rapture?

20 May www.google.com 86 year old man says the world ends tomorrow

20 May www.google.com what's up with the world ending thing tomorrow?

21 May www.google.com.au so i heard about the end of the world, oh wait

Now back to our regularly scheduled search queries.

3 Jun www.google.ca doggy positions

*Is my mind just in the gutter? This made me LOL for real.

2 Jun www.google.com.ar describe a commercial

* A british voice speaking that is actually a little green gecko telling you you can save fifteen percent or more on car insurance

1 Jun www.google.com evan longoria's marital status

*I get these search queries a lot. Evan, inquiring minds want to know. (Though I'm pretty sure with the media the way it is, we'll know he's engaged before his parents do.)

6 Jun www.google.com use iphone to see blind person

*I think you can just use your eyes to see us.

7 Jun www.google.co.uk the song about carole

*Just had to save this one for Carol. I wonder if the E on the end of your name was a mistake? Maybe there is a song about Carole.

7 Jun www.google.ca what I want need to know about short story

*How I learn know to write.

8 Jun www.google.com but I asked her to put the dog away

*And she didn't??? Dude.

20 Jun www.google.com I don't know how to crochet and I want to crochet a blanket

*Probably need to learn how to crochet, then...

21 Jun www.google.com "can i put my laptop in the freezer"

*Is it scary?

23 Jun www.google.com.au what would happen if there was no guide dogs?

*A lot more white canes would be sold.

24 Jun www.google.com should stay in the market? 2011 june

*Huh?

25 Jun www.google.com.au how to want to write again

*If you find out, will you let me know? Update: There's this great book: "The Artist's Way". Read it. It makes you want to write again. *

25 Jun www.google.com is evan longoria a jerk

*Absolutely not. I'm biased, but we've all got the same information on the guy.

25 Jun www.google.com sam fuld catches videos

*Sam Fuld catches everything.

27 jun www.google.com.tw "rock paper scissors" umpire test

*They appeal to first and…paper beats rock. Strike three.

30 jun www.google.com Mom did cal is that sentence rite

*Your mom did cal? As in, California? That's a lot of doing. Or perhaps you meant calculus. I'm thinking you also meant, right or correct. (This search query landed the searcher on another keyword gems post. I thought that was kinda funny.)

4 Jul www.google.co.uk. do you agree with guide dogs

*Not all the time but usually my guide dog knows what is best for me.

15 Jul www.google.com.vc WHY DID CAT WENT ON THE ROOF?

*Maybe his litter needs changing.

29 Jul www.google.com "Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven!" movie

*"Seven" was a movie with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. This search though, sounds like a "Friends" episode.

22 Aug www.google.com "my sighted boyfriend"

*Yeah, I've got one too.

11 Oct www.google.com 30 year ols women laying in the sun

*Well almighty then.

7 Nov www.google.com Hear+the+sleigh+bells+jingle,+jingle,+fingers+freeze+and+then+they+tingle.

*Yeah that's about how I felt about that song, too.

#NaBloPoMo - The Cats' Room

2011-11-08T17:27:00.002-07:00

I had another post in mind for today but I got busy and then I got a link on Twitter that I want to write about but I'm too fatigued for that either so I'm just going to write about why I was busy and this will be fairly pointless except for my own memories in a year when I look back on cleaning the cats' room. How's that for a run-on? Future self, I want you to ask yourself a question right now. How's the cats' room? Have you been keeping up on it? Please, oh please, tell me you have.

I might have mentioned the spare room here recently since it is included in all the cleaning I've been doing. Basically it's been the catch all room since B and I moved in here February of '08. I haven't tackled that room since going blind. You can imagine the clutter and dust, I'm sure. Add to that the fact that before I got Jayden, we moved the litter boxes in there so I could put a baby gate up. It was already pretty much the cats' room, since there was an old chair from B's old apartment in the corner, with an old comforter over it which created a nice little cave behind it. Spinelli had also enjoyed an old robe on top of a cabinet thing in the closet for a long time.

When L gave me a couch to replace the old and battered one I'd had forever, I decided to put that in the cats' room as well, since they had already clawed it to high heaven and well, I spoil my animal kids. It had just gone into the room in front of the growing pile of clutter and eventually, there was just enough space in there to get to the litter boxes for cleaning. The closet wasn't arranged in a way most conducive to space. Old clothes and scrubs from my days in medicine hung there, collecting dust and providing a medium for smells to cling to.

In a word, the room was gross. I was mortified at the thought of anyone seeing it and when B's dad visited here the first time, I couldn't believe B actually showed him the room. Why, oh why, would you purposely point out that room?

Now that I've begun work on it, and made a huge dent, I think what that room symbolized for me was the last of my sighted world. I put things in there when I could see, when I had plans for the room. Combine that with my tendency for pack rathood and what's left is oh no, don't go in there. Close the door. Don't let anyone see.

It's been liberating to clean out that room. Carol has been offering to help me with it for over a year now. I decided to make a start on it on my own though, to decrease what dust and clutter I could before allowing her to inhale that air. I've thrown out so much stuff. So much had been ruined by being left untouched and so much junk had been kept by the old sighted and sentimental me. I wish I had counted how many pens I threw away. Pens? Why did I keep so many pens?

The last time I worked in there I managed to move the couch along the wall to get it out of the way so I could get at what was behind it. I knew I needed to move the chair in the corner over a bit so the couch could move towards the corner and give us more than a six inch path between it and the wall so that was my goal today.

I found the Harry Potter braille book Georgie got me when I was about four months blind. That, along with a braille labeler, extra tape I had lost, which I also found today, and my white cane, was how she pushed me into action and put me on the road to learning how to live blind.

The book was in a cardboard box, the top volume covered in dust. I retrieved a plastic zipper bag, the one my bum cushion came in. It was perfect to store the book just in case I ever learn contracted braille. Maybe that will be a project after the room is done, to sign up for Grade 2 braille at Hadley.

Long story short, I had to kill Spinelli's den behind the chair so I could vacuum. I hope she forgives me; it had to be done. I'm vacuuming every bit of carpet I end up freeing. There's only one more corner left to tackle in the room, and then I can have Carol go through the stuff I've set aside. Most of it for possible donation, some of it because I can't quite remember what it is. I had moved the bookcase that was taking up room into the closet, so now it's perfectly set up for storage once I clear out the "Carol pile", as we've been calling it.

Today I was able to reach the window. It was like a long awaited destination, to be able to straighten the blinds and scrub the glass. The room hardly even smells dusty now. What a hard job, but it's leaving me with such an incredible feeling of accomplishment and liberation that I'm not even embarrassed to write the details of just how bad it was anymore. Look all you want! I think we might even be able to do away with the baby gate once I'm done. B found an igloo style litter box that seems pretty impossible for a dog to get to the contents.

After I met the goal for today I showered off the muck and finished reading 'Carri'. That might be another post. It's amazing how much I related to that book. I had to finish it because since I listened to music on the iPhone while cleaning, I lost my place in the book and it was just easier to find my place on the laptop. The book had been burned from CDs, so the iPhone doesn't hold the place like it does an Audible book. Such a luxury problem. :)

#NaBloPoMo - The Yoga Strap Adventure

2011-11-07T11:52:00.001-07:00

I'm beginning this post at 11:17am. Weather conditions are as follows:

Temperature: 47 degrees F

Humidity: 81 percent

Dewpoint: 41 degrees F

Wind: North at 0 mph

Pressure: 30.30 in rising conditions

Clouds: Scattered clouds

Forecast: Today
Showers and isolated thunderstorms this morning...then partly cloudy with isolated showers this afternoon. Highs 55 to 60.

Before I go any further, if the wind is blowing at 0 mph why do they say it's blowing north?

For anyone with any kind of auto immune disease like mine or arthritis, or old surgery scar tissue or an old injury or any kind of physical or mental condition that makes this kind of weather send your body into panic mode, you'll understand why I included all that weather information. Heck, just about anybody would be affected by this weather, yeah? Especially those of us in the desert, for all you cold weather folks laughing at my chilly conditions. This weather is precisely why I chose to stay home even though I had my ride lined up to go to the gym and was very much looking forward to it.

Yesterday at Gamma's, we sat at her kitchen table, both feeling the approaching weather. An eighty-seven year old and a thirty-two year old, comparing aches and pains. I asked if she still had that knee brace she always hated, because my left knee was giving me fits and I just wanted pressure on it. I've also known for awhile now that I need to give my knees support when I work out. She didn't have the brace but she had an Ace bandage. I knew I had found one of my own during all my cleaning, so figured that would be a great way to brace both knees for today's gym adventure.

Last night I practiced wrapping the knees and felt instant relief. My bandage is a lot newer and fit more snuggly. The one Gamma gave me had lost most of it's stretch, but added a nice warmth.

When I got up this morning it was cold, but not raining yet. By the time B went to work, it was pouring and I decided it was a good day to stay home. Canceling my paratransit always feels like calling in to work for some reason haha! I always try and cancel at least two hours before the ride is scheduled to arrive.

I next called G and he knew immediately I wouldn't be in today. I said I would do Pilates and yoga and quickly got ready before I lost my motivation.

I've been meaning to fashion a strap out of a ball of leftover rope, for one of the yoga exercises. I don't have a proper strap or tension band, so I've used Jayden's leash but even completely unhooked, it's not quite long enough. It also really hurts my hands to try and hold my leg straight up in the air to get a good stretch down the back of it. The leg suffers, since I don't pull on it the way I should as my hands scream in protest.

So I decided what length of tope would be appropriate, and then cut two more lengths to match. I wanted to braid it, so it would be thicker and easier to grab and also so it wouldn't be so thin it cut into my foot.

The cats very much enjoyed the braiding of the rope. I had to go into the bedroom and close the door. The braid came in handy to lure Timmy later, since he doesn't beep right now.

After I did the Pilates ab and leg workouts, I switched to the yoga. I have all these workouts on my iPhone. The yoga is from the instructor at GDB, who teaches yoga to the students. I wonder if she still does?

The braided rope strap worked well enough. It was longer, so I got more of a stretch in my leg but the rope dug into my hands even as I wrapped it around my palms. I thought about tying in a handle somehow later. I still just wasn't happy with it.

I had wrapped both my knees, not necessarily for the exercise since they aren't tough on the knees, but more so because they were throbbing with this weather. I decided to unwrap the old bandage with no stretch and throw it out. Then as I balled it up, I got an idea.

Would the Ace bandage with no stretch left work as the strap?

After I returned to my warm sweats and fluffy socks, I brought the ball of Ace into the area where I do my yoga. I folded it in half and got on the floor. Oh perfection! I could wrap the fabric around my palm and it didn't hurt and it was plenty long enough to rest my elbows on the floor. The surface area of the bandage is much more comfortable for my foot. This time, I did add handles. I just planted my left hand where the good stretch position was, sat up and tied a square knot. I then did the same with the right side. The resulting strap is soft fabric with perfect handles tied at the correct spot. Yay!

I played around with it a bit, standing and figuring out how to stretch my arms with it. What a perfect use for an old and stretch free Ace bandage! I suppose the braided rope will now be a cat toy.

As a funny aside, after the yoga ended and she said, "namaste" and I was enjoying the post yoga stoned feeling, Carin's voice filled the room, and then Steve's. Huh? Oh yeah, I had moved a piece of audio they had done at the Vomitcomet to my phone at one point, and stuck it in the yoga playlist to find easily. It cracked me up, because usually when I'm done with yoga I sit there for a bit, coming out of the half comatose half meditative mind set I always fall into. Perhaps, if Carin and Steve hadn't begun talking immediately, I might have sat too long and forgotten about the strap, stripped off the Ace bandage with no stretch and thrown it away. Maybe, just maybe, we have those Canadians to thank for the excellent use of an old Ace bandage with no more stretch.

#NaBloPoMo - But for the grace of God go I? Hmmm.

2011-11-06T10:14:00.002-07:00

The definition of grace that most relates to God found here states:

8. a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.

b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.

c. An excellence or power granted by God.

I looked this up after I wrote the following post, just to be sure my thoughts made sense. One of the definitions not yet listed applies to the later thoughts, so I will include it where appropriate.

One of the sayings in some forms of addiction recovery is, "But for the grace of God go I". We often say it when someone relapses or dies from their addiction, as a way of reminding ourselves that death is waiting for us too, if we pick up a drink or a drug. I am certain I would die, if not physically, the person I am today would die. The spirits would kill the spirit, so to speak.

I've said it countless times. I said it after Amy Winehouse died. I thought, how tragic, but for the grace of God go I. For some reason I thought about that phrase today and realized how much I dislike it.

When I got sober, it was suggested I put my trust in something bigger than myself and my addiction to make it through each day. What I've come to understand about this is that, left to my own mind or what I perceive to be my own mind, I will fail. For all I know my higher power is just my good conscience, but there are days that that belief can get me into trouble. It's just easier trusting something else, something I can't define. For a lot of people new to recovery, this concept is daunting because of the name God. A lot of us come into sobriety with resentments at God, whether it be because of our pasts or because religion had made us uncomfortable. For me it was the latter. I don't ever remember having a resentment at God, perhaps I did but I'm sure I quickly realized, through step work, the resentment was actually at myself.

Religion had always been a sore spot for me. Don't tell me what to believe. Don't tell me I couldn't have been in love with a woman if that's who I had been, don't tell me I have to frown upon one who loves a person of the same sex, don't tell me I can't make decisions about my own body, the list goes on and on. These days I don't deny you those beliefs if they contribute to your faith and make you happy, but that doesn't mean I agree with them. Knowing I don't have to agree with them has made it possible for me to trust God. That is my decision; not everyone recovers with a higher power. Plenty recover with their own will power or their religions.

Luckily when I got sober, it was suggested I turn my life over to the higher power of my understanding. My understanding? You're not going to tell me what to believe? Sweet! The word God on the walls freaked me out at first, but I soon understood that I could do away with all the things I had heard about hellfire and damnation and come to believe in the God of my own understanding. What a huge relief! I had always been seeking for something to believe in that didn't make me sick and finally I was free to truly begin my seeking, and seeking I never stop doing. Which is probably why the thought came into my head today that I don't like the phrase, "But for the grace of God go I".

If I'm to believe fully in this statement, am I therefore to believe that God chose me to have grace because I grasped recovery? Maybe I'm thinking too much about the statement, the way so many of us do when it comes to words. However I think this is exactly why I had such strong "survivor's guilt" when I really began to recover and be happy when countless others continued to suffer. I felt like I had been chosen and that just didn't sit right with me, because my God loves everyone.

I call my higher power God because I got sick of saying higher power all the time. I also don't share the true name I have for my higher power. That is a deeply personal story. It's really just that simple. I don't know what God is, but that's a universal name for an individual's higher power. I capitalize the name because it's a name but I don't capitalize him because the intellectual in me says you don't capitalize he unless the word begins a sentence. I know a lot of people do and that's totally fine.

Fortunately, I've become so much less judgmental of religion and every so often, don't mind reading about it. I'll read something religious, leave what I dislike like, hate the sin, love the sinner. Ouch, really? That means I have to believe in sin and believe in a condemning God, which I don't. I know right from wrong, my opinions of right from wrong rather. For example, murder is wrong, but even that has degrees. What about self defense? I can now ignore religious statements that make my heart hurt and smile at the religious teachings I find comforting.

My God is a loving God who's will for me is to be happy, joyous and free. To treat others as I would be treated. That's about it. Be who you are and I'll love you anyway because that's how my God is. (That doesn't mean I like everyone haha!) Keeping it nice and simple like that keeps me from manipulating it. I can't find a loophole in that simplicity. Happy, joyous, free, treat others kindly because that's what I want for myself. That's it. I can't manipulate that to suit my will when I'm not aligned with that of my higher power. The addict in me will find any loophole, any manipulation and run with it, dragging me down and that can't happen. I love who I am too much today to let that happen.

So, for me to say I'm sober and alive because of God's grace makes me feel like I'm saying the next person won't get God's grace and that makes me ill. Here is where I'm adding that other definition:

6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.

This definition suits me better (see how I manipulated to suit my own beliefs? See why I have to keep my concept of God simple?) because my sobriety is simply a daily reprieve, a "reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition". Perhaps Grace of God is just a simpler way of saying that. My recovery is held steady by my conscious contact with God, something I must maintain, something I have chosen to maintain. I don't believe God booms down vengeance and I also don't believe God bestows just certain individuals with sobriety, leaving others to suffer. Those of us graced with recovery, one day at a time, have made the decision to trust something other than ourselves to give power to. The power most certainly was not bestowed upon me.

I suppose for me it's now, "but for the grace of my trust in God go I", for it's when I stop trusting in a higher power, that I'm in danger of walking near the edge of the roof and falling.

PS - I wrote the majority of this post Saturday to post Sunday. That's just a coincidence haha! Sunday is not a day of worship for me. I don't worship, but trust and that trust happens daily. Just a trust that I'll be ok no matter what happens, a trust that I don't have to pick up a drink to be ok.

PPS - Recovered atheist amaze me. Truly. That is not a judgement, I just don't know how they do it haha!

#NaBloPoMo - Are you a Florida girl?

2011-11-05T10:41:00.002-07:00

As I was working up a sweat and getting my heart pumping on the treadmill Wednesday at the gym, one of the employees was talking to G about the Arizona Wildcats basketball game the previous night. I was mostly tuning out the conversation, just happy to be back in the gym since I had almost lost it.

I grew up with the Wildcats and clearly remember the night they won it all in '97 but that was during the Lute Olson era, and ever since he left, it's just not the same for me. I vividly remember when I got his autograph. I was in my early teens and we had gone to the Red/Blue scrimmage game. Afterwards, we went down into the tunnels and I got to meet him. I held out my folded paper and said, "can I have your autograph? You're my favorite coach." When I tell that story, I always voice that part with a timid, child-like drawl. I felt so foolish after the words had left my mouth but he signed it happily. I can still imagine the looping signature.

So, my ears perk up whenever the University of Arizona is mentioned in any capacity. As I trudged along on the treadmill, listening to the classic rock on the stereo, the employee said, "what about you, did you watch the game?"

"Nah, I had the hockey game on," I replied.

"Oh hockey, you're hardcore!" he said, and I could hear the grin in his voice. I don't think the last word was actually hardcore, but it was something along those lines. I didn't have time to mention I'm a rookie fan, this being my first year following hockey. "Who's your team?"

Here it comes I thought. I'll say the Tampa Bay Lightning and he'll ask why Tampa Bay. Before he had a chance though, G launched in with how fanatic I am about the Tampa Bay Rays, how I'd have the radio broadcast on my iPhone while working out, etc. Men always talk about my sports fandom as though they're talking about their kid's amazing accomplishment.

"Are you a florida girl?" the man asked.

No one had ever asked me the "why" question in that way before. I've had people ask me if I'm from Florida, which I guess is basically the same question but the way he asked it almost made me want to answer that yes, yes I am a Florida girl.

The urge to say yes caught me off guard and I quickly blurted the story of how the Rays captured my heart in '08 when I went blind and it just feels natural to follow the Lightning now that I want to get into hockey since a lot of my friends on Twitter follow them. He quickly latched on to the blind thing, since his daughter has been blind since birth and he has taught at the blind school. Conversation moved away from sports and on to adjusting to blindness and attitude, accomplishing anything you want and on and on for a bit. I really wanted to get back to sports.

I've been reflecting on the gut feeling to say that I am a Florida girl. Those words are rather open ended when you think about it. If someone asks if I'm from Florida, the answer is obviously no, I've never even been there. But, are you a Florida girl? Are you a baseball girl? Are you a country music girl? Are you a science fiction girl? How about a Mac girl?

Isn't labeling yourself as {insert something you like here} girl or guy saying you are a fan of said thing? So perhaps I'm a fan of Florida. It could work. I absolutely adore the Rays and they're a Florida team. As a result of them, I've met the most amazing people, mostly in Florida. One in Boston, but you get my meaning. In fact I have an entire post planned about the incredible people in my life today because of the Rays.

So am I a Florida girl? In a way, yes. Will I ever move there? Doubtful, the humidity would kill me. If I ever get rich however, you bet your bum I'll be going there at the beginning and end of the baseball seasons when it's not summer.

#NaBloPoMo - Time taking its time to pass

2011-11-04T15:14:00.004-07:00

Have you ever had a day that seemed it would never end, but not in a bad way? That's today for me. It's now approaching three in the afternoon but it feels like it should be early evening. Usually when I have days that feel really long, it's because I'm incredibly fatigued and begin counting down bed time at noon.

Usually days I feel great mentally and physically seem to fly by, and are few and far between. I'm not sure what sets today apart, but I'm already telling the negative voice in my head to shut up. It's a false sense of happiness, it whispers. Tomorrow won't be so good.

Shut up, just shut up. I know tomorrow might be full of ick. It's supposed to be cold and rainy. I have no doubt that it will be, because as I lay in bed reading last night, I felt the pressure begin to change in my ears, and this morning my sinuses felt like a water balloon being filled too full. Luckily a Zyrtec fixed that little problem.

I had laundry to get done before the afternoon when the winds would come. They would come, with gusts up to fifty miles per hour, so my weather page said.

Any guide dog handler will tell you trying to work in the wind is no fun at all. You can't hear a thing and it's lucky you have your dog. It's still just completely undesirable however, and one of the times Jayden and I got lost in the early days was due to wind. I couldn't hear my sound sources to know where we were. Today I had to get the laundry done early and actually began bright eyed and bushy tailed. Well unless you factor in the fact that I sounded like I was getting a cold before the Zyrtec kicked in. I'm just speaking of my attitude, which is rarely that happy in the mornings haha!

Carol kept me company on the phone during this chore; my Bluetooth headset coming in quite handy. I don't make a habit out of working Jayden and talking on the phone, but going back and forth to the laundry room is no biggie.

I had just put the last towel away and walked by the front door when I heard the wind. Good timing. Carol and I hung up and I heated up some lunch. I was thinking it was nearing time for afternoon coffee but when I checked the time it was just coming up on noon. Or was it eleven? I can't remember. Noon I think. Regardless, the day was crawling by and I took notice of it for some reason. I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe someday it will become clear, or maybe it won't. Maybe it just doesn't matter.

As I was eating lunch my friend L called. It's been ages since we've caught up. She wasn't feeling well today so she took a personal day and had run by Target before going home to relax. We talked while she shopped and I mentioned something about my Glade Plug-In with the fan I love so much and how I'm hoping this year to find holiday scented oil. She had just passed that section, and decided to pick some up for me. I was so excited! The one she found had a free plug-in warmer. Nice! She'd run it by after she was done shopping. We hung up and I tidied up a bit, easy with how clean my house is. Unfortunately she couldn't come. Something came up with her son so she's going to try and drop by tomorrow.

I dissolved into the deliciously hot bath I had been looking forward to all day. I listened to an audio book while soaking in the hot water, which cools too darned quickly.

I got out and gave my hair a blow out after lathering with yummy smelling lotion. These baths are always treats to me which is silly, since I can take them as often as I like. In all actuality however, they sometimes completely wear me out, so it's a gamble. How will I feel after this bath? Luckily today, great.

It's just now three. I think I'll go catch up on Twitter since I was fairly busy this morning. I wonder what I'll read. I wonder what fun information I'll get in those brief statements.

I suppose this is one of those silly and rather useless posts, but I really was marveling at how slowly the hours were ticking by, letting me enjoy a day of feeling good and getting things accomplished. Shut up, negativity. Tomorrow might be full of ick, but it's up to me to keep it from being miserable. And, I have new scented oil to look forward to. It's the simple things. :)

#NaBloPoMo - Audio: Hanging with Ro Episode One

2011-11-03T12:15:00.004-07:00

I had the idea this morning to do an audio blog of sorts for today's post. I had the music playing and had already resigned myself to being lazy today since I'm sore from the gym. My iPod wasn't charged so I gave it some juice and then started recording. I decided to call it, "Hanging with Ro" because essentially, that's what it is. I hope it's at least mildly entertaining haha!

I was going to try doing a transcription of the audio but wow, that's practically impossible. Ok maybe not impossible with some practice, but that's going to take awhile to master that skill.

Topics include but are not limited to:

*Music that sounds the same

*Evan Longoria in a toga

*Twitter (You might hear your tweet)

*Suspension training

*Silly accents

*A description of my work area

I don't think the topics are in that order but I thought I'd give you an idea of what you're about to listen to. If you like it, please comment here. If I should do more of these, let me know what you'd like to hear. I had fun doing this!

Click here for the direct link.

#NaBloPoMo - I just had to finish the book

2011-11-02T15:00:00.003-07:00

Let's see how quickly I can write today's post without it being something simple and silly just to fill the space for November second for my third 30X30 project. I have no idea what this will be, let's see, shall we?

I knew I would be pressed for time today and this morning nearly talked myself out of going back to the gym. There had been a small hiatus but that might be explained in another post. I knew I was cutting things close, getting a post in today before things get too busy later this afternoon and still, I inserted the final CD into the laptop, an audio book my friend JB sent me.

This will also be another post, one I'll write for sure this month because the book deserves much more than a passing mention. It was sixteen CDs in all and I had burned them into iTunes to transfer to my iPhone (iAddict?) to read at night. I knew I was nearing the end of the book last night so had added the next book JB sent, to begin after this one ended. I had somehow managed to skip the last disc, much to my dismay as I lay in bed last night, hungry for the ending.

I told B this, after I had begrudgingly began the next novel, and B said, "King's endings always suck anyway; you aren't missing anything."

At first I almost agreed with him, even made that same reference as I ended yesterday's post, but this one was going to be different, I knew it.

I often take a character into myself when I read, especially if I really get into a good book. I'm finding bits of Liesey in me now, though a lot of the parts of her that I've taken into me were already parts of me, long ago buried. Her husband Scott too, is taking some residence. After all, they were two now, weren't they?

After I returned home from the gym today I knew I needed some lunch and Liesey said, "why don't you finish my story as you eat your Amy's Bowl?"

And so I did. And so her story became the first of King's novels to not only disgust me and make me cry out in the evenings when I didn't hear B enter the room. It made me shut the book off after the can opener came out and when my fingers danced over the top of the mixed fruit can Gamma gave me, I was never so relieved to feel a pull top there.

The ending was perfect. The afterward by King made my inner writer stir and beg to go "down to the pool".

This is one of those books that shall be kept, put in a safe place, into the pool I might need to visit somewhere down the road when I need to find my inner Liesey again.

I had thoughts of running home and writing about my day at the gym. That will be in another post, maybe. For when you reach into the pool and lazily run your fingers through the cool water, they take on a mind of their own and who knows what you'll write? I'm grateful for this post. I don't think I've ever put my immediate feelings down "on paper" right after finishing a book before. A year from now I can read these words again and remember the feeling this book left me with. Calm, serene, happy and not at all empty. It's a first, finishing a book and not feeling empty, rather feeling completely and utterly satisfied and not needing more. I really believe this is a first for me. I want no more. The story was closed, the last out made. Bool for real now. I wish I had an RC.

#NaBloPoMo - How about an introductory post?

2011-11-01T14:09:00.003-07:00

For some reason the fact that I was able to officially sign up for NaBloPoMo this year is making me a little twitchy about the coming posts. The last two years I just did it for fun and slapped a 30X30 label on the posts. I'm still going to keep the same label for this year. I do want to change some things though, since before I just wrote a post for the daily count and it might have been just a link somewhere or something irrelevant.

This year, I'm really hoping to spark my inner writer back to something of a breathing being again. I used to say I might be a writer but eventually I came to believe that I am a writer. If you're good at something and enjoy it, I believe you are that thing. Sure, I might not get paid for it, but that might come and if it doesn't, I'm still a writer.

So having that part of myself take a leave of absence has shaken me. Unofficially doing NaBloPoMo last year seemed to awaken that part of me and I ended up writing over sixty thousand words of a young adult novel. Will it happen again this year?

This blog has never had a specific kind of content. I started it to document my journey of getting a guide dog and it has become a way for me to take snapshots of my life, the way I used to do in written journals. The biggest difference is that it's public, so there's a lot of things about my life that don't go into these "pages". It still has it's own brand of catharsis however, and it's wonderful to have something to look back on.

I want to say I know what will come out over the next month but I don't. I do know I want to write a little more bout myself. I have a ton of friends on Twitter now and my posts are linked there, so who knows who might read? Do you want to know more about me than my tweets portray? You might get that information here, but again, I have no idea what might come out haha!

I've been furiously cleaning my house. It's much deeper cleaning than the normal maintenance cleaning. I'm going through every nook and cranny and getting rid of stuff. In the book, "The Artists Way", Julia Cameron writes that as you practice the steps in the book, you'll find yourself wanting to start cleaning out cupboards and drawers because your artist child is trying to awaken. It's something like that anyway. Is that what is happening to me? I hope so. I've missed writing.

I have a few ideas for some posts and I know there will be a "They Landed Here" post, since I've been saving search queries for quite some time. Aside from that, who knows? Of course I'll write about Jayden and probably baseball. Is there something you're curious about? Something you want me to write, to explain, to tell the story of? Like, how the heck does a blind chick clean? Those questions are normal and I love it when people ask me those things on Twitter. It's so much better to ask than just sit and wonder and never learn. Most of us don't get offended.

Well, I had no idea what this first post would be and I suppose it's now a sort of introduction. If you're a regular reader, thanks for sticking around through the ebb of the writing. If you're a Twitter friend, thanks for reading and getting to know me more, if you keep up with me this month. If you're a Rays fan, how achingly missing the team are you right now? ;) Maybe I'll write about the boys.

Here's to writing daily again! I never missed a beat the last two Novembers and now that I'm officially a NaBloPoMo blogger, I'll have to be passed out not to write. Let's just hope Blogger holds out with the accessibility.

I feel like Stephen King; I don't know how to end this post. "Bool, the end!"

Officially a NaBloPoMo blogger this year

2011-10-31T18:20:00.002-07:00

The last two years, I couldn't officially sign up for NaBloPoMo because of a CAPTCHA, but that's gone this year. Thanks L^2 for the tweet!

To sign up, fill out the form here and write a post a day for all of November. Happy blogging!

Oh, here's some more info on NaBloPoMo. You could win a prize. I never win anything, haha!

It's almost time to blog every day. Scary making!

2011-10-30T18:54:00.001-07:00

Beginning Tuesday, I'm back to writing a post a day for thirty days. Officially it's called, NaBloPoMo, but the last two years I haven't signed up for it. When I first heard about it, the sign up had an inaccessible CAPTchA so I didn't even try last year and won't this year. I've heard there's no real point anyway and the whole reason I do it is because at least I'm guaranteed an entire month of my life going down in the books.

I'm a little frightened of it this year. I just have not been able to write. Whether it be blog posts or short stories or anything. It's almost like Twitter has murdered my inner writer. Since I can get away with just writing a hundred and forty characters several times a day, I don't have to sit down and work. Or who knows? Maybe it means nothing. Maybe it just means I don't feel like writing.

One of the posts I have planned next month is about the book I'm currently reading which today has me in such a gross place every time I think about it, that the thought of being a writer makes me want to run screaming. It'll make more sense once I write about the book, but I'm waiting until I'm finished with it. At first I loved it, thought it was creative and different and then oh no oh no where's the freezer oh but I can't put the iPhone in there oh I think I might vomit oh no don't do that oh are you really going to do that oh I need to turn this book off and as I read it this morning I clutched Timmy so tightly I thought I might suffocate him and of course it's King. Who else?

The thought about not wanting to be a writer because of possible fame has come up for me before. Book tours? Appearances? I mean I know that's thinking way big, but that's what happens to successful writers, right? I don't want to be famous. I want to write just to write but I don't want to go on tours. I don't have the energy for that. Has an author just made enough money to be comfortable without giving in to fame? I wonder.

That was a ramble. I read back on the last two 30X30 labels and last year there were a lot of posts about writing. I was so excited about it last year. I spent so much time creating. And now? It seems the best I can do is write silly blog posts about…what?

It'll be interesting to see what comes out starting November first. It will be nice to have a guaranteed month of this year on the record. Quite honestly, I'm grateful NaBloPoMo isn't in the beginning of the year, because 2011 has not been the best year for me.

Alrighty then, not sure why I wrote this post. Maybe to prepare myself to begin writing daily and also so the few people left reading here will come to expect a post every day starting Tuesday and I'll need to be accountable. At least blogging doesn't really take creativity. I'm hoping writing about daily stuff brings back the creative writer in me. I've got a short story to write. The block needs to go. Last year, daily writing in November corresponded with me writing a whole novel. So here's hoping!

My Inner Monica

2011-10-23T10:38:00.001-07:00

B's dad was here last weekend so just like any time a guest is coming, I wanted to clean the house. I do maintenance cleaning but come on, who doesn't do a little more when you're going to have company? Especially living with so many animals, vacuuming and dusting even more was imperative.

I couldn't thoroughly clean around Brian's stuff since there was no way I was going to touch his electronics. Carol came over to go through my audio books for donation and to help me straighten up and I swear we conjured Monica. We really do conjure people. She'll attest to that. This was our first fictional character, however.

She attacked all the places I haven't been able to get to. Since B has converted to using iPods, his stereo sat untouched, collecting dust. He agreed to let me donate it, and Carol's neighbor has fallen love with it. Yay! It took a day to get the living room cleaned up since that's where B's desk and my desk live, where we spend the majority of our time, which means so do the animals and their fur. After it was done, it felt so nice in here. I don't know about you, if you're blind that is, but for me when a room is freshly and thoroughly cleaned, the room feels lighter and more open. Am I just weird?

It didn't stop with the living room. Monica stayed with me when Carol left, she just took a long nap while B's dad was here. I took Monday off and did nothing but talk to Carol all day. Then Monica woke with a vengeance on Tuesday and hasn't stopped.

You know that deep cleaning that you do, for some it's called spring cleaning, some may do it twice a year. Or maybe for those who have Monica all the time, it happens constantly. I'm talking the kind of cleaning where every drawer, every cupboard, every nook and cranny gets emptied, scrubbed, stuff sorted into trash and donation, the things being kept goes back into it's place nice and organized. That sort of cleaning has not happened in this apartment since we moved in.

Something about going blind two months after moving in to a place really kills Monica. At least it did in my case.

I realized just what a shover I am. I want to clean this off. Shove. What do I do with this? Find a drawer and shove. There, it looks neat on the outside, but oh please, don't open a drawer. The closet? No!!!

Furniture has been in the same place for nearly four years. That means a vacuum has never touched that carpet. *Start the horror music*

The bedroom was the hardest room. That's the room with most of the drawers, you see. Oh Monica had a field day with that room. I wish I had kept track of how many runs to the trash Jayden and I took. All the working out really paid off when I moved all the furniture. Jayden thought the world was ending when his kennel and bed disappeared.

I have to wonder if the canisters full of hair and dust my vacuum sucked up should have been saved to help with the next oil spill.

Putting everything back in it's place and taking deep breaths made Monica giddy with the sense of accomplishment. The smells of Lysol and lavender swirled about, dancing on the air as a reward for all the hard work. My cool changing screen with the pockets has a rightful home again, instead of being folded up and propped between a wall and a chair. I put it there when I was sighted, with plans for it that just never took fruition until the task of cleaning finally didn't seem so daunting with no sight.

Every drawer has an old candle tucked inside so the pretty scent masks that of old wood. I can reach into any of them and find exactly what I want. It's very, very happy making.

Saturday was meant to be a day off. Perhaps I'd attempt some writing. Maybe I'd do some reading. Monica was still awake though, and she would have none of it. You aren't too tired to do the hall closet. That won't be a huge job. Not after the bedroom. You can do it, come on, let's go…

After that came the kitchen cupboards, where once again my shoving was evident. I even found chocolate! Score! There was now room to put serial in a cupboard rather than on on top of the fridge. My step stool came in quite handy for all these tall places. Gamma had just told me about how to climb a step stool with a sore knee. Up with the good, down with the bad. That little rule came in quite handy.

This time B ran the trash out, which was good since it was rather hot out. Yes, October and it's hot.

Today will be a day of rest. I'm taking strawberry rhubarb pie to Gamma. Monica is accepting this fact, though bitterly. She still has me stopping and thinking, oh that would work better there. I tell her to shut up. We'll pick it up tomorrow. The spare room must be tackled. Monica will have loads of fun in there. It's been the catch all room since we moved in. Oh my.

All this work has had me thinking on more than one occasion that perhaps I could work. I have to play the tape through though, and remind myself that this is temporary. It's work in my own home at my own pace and is purely physical. Anything mental taxes me much more these days. I'm being very careful, too. At the first sign of fatigue, that's it. I'm done. I'm taking baths and doing plenty of stretching and I should probably take out stock in Advil. That wouldn't work since I use the generic.

Why did I write all this? Well, I don't go to Gamma's for awhile and Monica was threatening to start me cleaning again. I also need to prepare for next month, which will be a post a day after doing no writing for quite awhile. I think this is perfect. Baseball ends and the deep cleaning begins. This will be the time every year when the furniture gets moved. When Monica finally goes away, maybe the writing will begin again.

PS - Blogger has done its own insane reorganizing, and soon we may all be forced to adapt. As of what I know now, this will mean no accessibility for us blind folks. If I suddenly stop writing next month during NaBloPoMo, that is what happened.

Ode to the bum cushion

2011-10-14T15:52:00.001-07:00

I bought a desk chair back in December. Just your run of the mill office chair on wheels. Of course it felt great in the store, sitting on it for five minutes. I was creating a more ergonomic work area since before, I had my laptop cart set up by the couch. It was comfy on the bum, but the twisting I had to do to type was just bad.

So, back to the chair. I thought I wouldn't be able to have arms on it, so there's not even arms. It has been the most uncomfortable awful chair! I really think that's been part of my writing drought. I just have not been comfortable.

There's this store called, Relax the Back. I've heard commercials for it and have always wanted to check it out. B's dad is in town, so we went and checked it out today. I told the salesman my chair is awful and I spend a lot of time on my computer. Naturally he wanted to make me fall in love with a chair, and he succeeded.

If the chair had asked me to marry it, I would have said yes.

He showed me all the features, the memory foam in the arm rests, the adjustable lumbar memory foam, the rocking feature, the reclining feature, oh my.

Then I asked how much it was.

Let me just say I could have bought a brand new Macbook with the Apple Care for less.

He began running through the less expensive options and none of it was in my price range. Really I couldn't afford to be spending money at all, but I just get in so much pain whenever I'm on my computer, that I've been desperate. I've tried pillows, I bought a memory foam back cushion on Amazon which I even tried sitting on. Nothing has helped.

I asked if he had anything that could just go on a chair. of course he did. He put the cushions, bum and back, on a plain old chair and wow, it was almost as comfortable as the desk chair that costs more than a Macbook. I bought the seat cushion.

It has a removable tailbone insert thingy. When I mentioned that my tailbone always hurts, he told me about it. The insert was already removed. I wanted to try it with the insert. Ouch! That's definitely my problem. This cushion lets your tailbone just kinda "float".

I absolutely cannot wait to go back and get the back cushion. It has an adjustable lumbar area and works well with the seat cushion. When we got that thing home and put it on my chair, I sighed with happiness. I've been sitting in it for hours and I can't believe the lack of pain in my tailbone. My back even feels better, though I know that cushion will help that even more.

I think I'll be able to cut down on massages now. The only way I've been able to manage the level of pain has been to get a massage every three weeks. I get an incredible price but still! If I can cut those down? Totally worth it. I had some buyer's remorse after we left because I'm gonna be really hard pressed now to make it through the month, but I think it's going to be totally worth it.

B's dad said he expects more blog posts from me now. I told him I'd write an ode to the bum cushion. So, here it is. You went back to the hotel before dinner. It's Friday. Here's your post. :)

More posting is coming soon anyway, since next month is NaBloPoMo, 30x30 it's called here at the Roof since I can't register for the actual blog posting month. Wow, almost no blogging for awhile and soon I'll be trying to write every day. Wish I could get that back cushion before November.

Doggy Diaries - He's ok, emergency vet visit

2011-09-28T11:59:00.001-07:00

I know I haven't written like I said I was going to. I have to get this down though, since the blog is how I keep track of Jayden's health and such.

We started our day like normal. As soon as I got up I fed and watered him. He ate no problem but didn't drink but that's normal since there's water in his food. I took him out and everything was normal. We came in and I got on my computer like normal and he got on the couch like normal.

After about five minutes he let out the most God awful screaming and got off the couch and started walking around, screaming. I went to him and started touching him and when I got near his hind quarters he kept screaming. I didn't keep my emotions under control; I just couldn't hide it. I had never heard him scream like that.

B was in the shower and I just kept trying to touch Jay and he was kind of squirmy around and it felt like he was trying to sit or hunch which scared me because they do that with bloat so I began crying even harder and he just kept whimpering. B got out of the shower and I called for him and he heard Jayden screaming and I was sobbing and he said Jayden looked ok and then Jayden went to his bed in my room. B said he thought I was scaring him and I probably was. I know you're supposed to stay calm but I haven't been ok emotionally to begin with and I just couldn't control my sobbing.

Jayden got on the couch again but then screamed and got off it. B had to go to work and I called Carol and she said she was coming over and I called the vet and the actual doctor answered. It was only just after 8am. He recommended a mobile vet because I didn't know if Jayden would get in the car with the pain he was in.

During the phone calls Jayden went and lay by my bathroom, a place he never lays. He wasn't breathing heavy or anything and his nose was wet and cool. When Carol got here he was excited to see her but very calm. I don't know if he was calm because of the pain or calm because I've been working with him to stay calm when people come to the door. I had almost wished he'd gotten excited, but it had been a very stressful morning and my emotions didn't help matters.

She looked him over and watched him walk and he looked ok so I called the vet back. Oh the mobile vet didn't answer the phone and still hasn't called me back. My vet could get us in at 9. It was 8:30.

I threw on clothes and Jayden seemed happy to leave the house. I did human guide and just heeled him. He got in the car no problem and didn't have a pain response.

He was happy at the vet but not too crazy. The vet came in right away and started with everything but his hind quarters. Everything was find and then he got to his back side. He examined the tail and as he got closer to the base of Jay's spine, he caused a pain response. The tail felt ok though.

If you're squeamish, this is a warning.

They checked Jay's temp and he did not like that. He reacted much more strongly than normal. When the vet did the rectal Jayden was not at all happy and ended up screaming again. The vet said everything felt normal inside. He said it could maybe a slipped disc, but didn't really think so. After the rectal, Jayden seemed to have perked up. We all noticed it. He wasn't so sensitive about his hind quarters being touched. The vet said the glands felt a little full but not too full and he decided to do another rectal since the first one seemed to have given Jayden some relief. It was also the only place the pain seemed localized. The poor vet said he hated doing those twice and as if it was an afterthought he said, "I don't like doing it to the dog twice". I'm sure he also doesn't like doing those, who would?

None of us wanted Jay to go through that again but he had to. This time the vet expressed a little out of both glands and Jayden didn't react as badly.

Basically the doc is stumped. It might have been swollen glands, it might have been a twisted tail that righted itself. After the two exams, the vet moved the tail like crazy and got no pain response. He prescribed anti-inflammatory medication and if Jayden has any more instances of screaming, we'll run further tests.

The vet tech said she cut the pills in half since Jayden will take one half a day. The pills are beef flavored. After Carol left I got the pills from my purse and when I felt it, it didn't feel cut. I called the vet back and she assured me she had cut them. I told her both ends felt smooth and she assured me I had the right medication. I called Carol back and she turned around to check the pills.

I had grabbed a bottle of Aleve from my purse.

It was a rough morning to say the least. Jayden happily ate the half of the correct pill but now he just wants to be left alone. He hasn't gotten back on the couch. I hope he's not afraid of it now. He also isn't interested in water. I'm keeping a close eye on that. He drank voraciously at the vet but not here.

It's so hard to just leave him alone. It's also hard that he wanted nothing to do with me at the vet but that makes sense. The vet tech had treats. I just of course go into my head and worry that I played a part. The last time he got sick, right after I brought him home, I had been having emotional problems and now here again, I've been depressed. I know my depression didn't cause pain in him, that's just silly. I suppose any parent of a dog or human wonders if they did anything to cause their children pain.

Naturally, I'm hovering like crazy, but I'm leaving him alone. At least there are two more business days left in the week if we need the vet again.

The Blow Out - Not sports, hair

2011-09-08T11:52:00.003-07:00

Awhile back, during one of my epic phone conversations with
Carol, she told me about something she had seen on TV. Gwynet Paltro was endorsing the blow out, something to help busy moms save time.

Basically the concept is to go to the salon to get your hair dried. Your hair looks great for days. Excuse me while I laugh.

Today on Twitter that topic came up. I thought it would be fun to write about.

Here's my take on this. I think it's pretty ridiculous. I guess if you're rich like Gwyneth Paltrow, why not? It gives the hair stylist some business and probably some pretty easy business. However there was a day I was at the salon and a lady was in getting her blow out. It didn't sound all that fun for the stylist.

Yes, I go to the salon and I go to a nice one. Back in the day I wore my hair long so I didn't have to style it. It could air dry and just be free. I got tired of long hair though, mostly because when I vacuumed, the hair on the floor wrapped around the brush and it also got in Jayden's face a lot when we played. So I donated it to Locks of Love.

I'm still very low maintenance. The way I see it, if you get a good cut and you tell the stylist you want it to be easy to style and he or she actually listens to you like mine does, you've got it made.

I give myself a blow out. I blow dry it or use a flat iron on it when it gets a bit longer. It lasts until my next washing. I don't use product except this Garnier hair milk stuff Carol turned me on to. A dollop in the hair after a shower, good shampoo and conditioner and when I give myself a blow out I'm good to go.

So how often are women going to the salon for a blow dry? It floors me. I understood the ladies of the past, with those crazy hairstyles they had to wear. They'd go to the salon for a "set". But those were crazy styles with pins and hair spray. It makes a little more sense to spend the money on that.

But a blow dry? Really?

Maybe I'm just being a reverse snob, like my mom used to call me. Maybe someone can enlighten me. to me though, keep your hair healthy by not using a ton of heat and product, get a good cut from a stylist who understands when you say you want to style it in five minutes and you're good to go.

I used to get really cheap cuts back when I could see to spend the time to style it. Now, it's worth it to spend a little more every two or so months on a hair cut that is easy and grows out well.

Maybe the women just like that after the salon smell. I like that. I'm not paying money three times a week or however often they go, just to have that smell though. I just don't get it. Do you?

The Fragile State of Blogger

2011-09-07T14:34:00.001-07:00

Day two of writing every day haha!

I wish I wasn't going to write a downer post about the state of blogger. I'm scared. I don't want to have to move my blog to Wordpress. You have no customization with them and apparently you can't even add a stat counter like I have. I have so much fun with that, I don't want to lose it. I'm used to Blogger and it's simple.

I don't know if any of you have tried the new editor. I haven't and from what I see on Twitter, there's no point. It's completely inaccessible and even the sighted folk don't like it. Will it be like the Twitter website though, where you could use old Twitter for months and now are forced to use new Twitter? Luckily with Twitter, I use a client that's accessible and easy. If Blogger makes us use the new editor eventually though, all of us blind bloggers will have to move.

I don't have the first clue how to even contact blogger and frankly, I don't think they much care anyway. Maybe I'm just bitter.

So, blind bloggers, will you move to Wordpress soon, rather then suddenly not be able to write on your Blogger blogs? Do you know what we can do to stay here? Is there a group starting an uprising or anything?

Oh yeah, with Voiceover, I now have to use form controls to access the title field. I know it's not so with Jaws. Have any of you noticed any other strange issues?

How to make your iPhone stop talking *Edited

2011-09-06T20:35:00.002-07:00

I had a search query on August 25 that read:

my iphone 4 is talking "slide or double tap"

I'm thinking someone might have accidentally turned on Voiceover for the iPhone. If anyone else has that problem and stumbles upon this post, just do a three finger double tap to make the voice stop talking.

A friend of mine had this happen with his iMac. He was messing around with keys and it started talking. That might be rather frightening if you don't know that all Apple products come with a screen reader for the blind haha!

If your iMac starts talking, just press command + F5. If it happens on a Macbook, press command + function + F5.

Hope this helps future searchers. :)

*Looks like I was a bit mistaken. Please check out the comment from Amanda for more. I guess you don't turn the screen reader off and on so easily, so maybe this query had nothing to do with what I thought it did.

Oops and schedules

2011-09-06T10:28:00.001-07:00

I thought that September was the month that I write thirty posts in thirty days, otherwise known as NaBloPoMo. I've never called it that since I can't actually sign up for it. At least I couldn't in the past. Maybe it's accessible now. Anyway the point of that mistake was that I thought I was six days behind on it and I was going to try and scramble to get caught up and start posting every day.

I have so gotten out of the habit of blogging. I don't really know why. That last writing venture didn't work out for reasons I won't go into here. There's another one in the works though. I'll write about it when it happens officially. I'm excited!

My plan has been to incorporate a writing schedule. I've read a lot of author blogs and they all mention a schedule. Since they work from home, if they don't have a schedule, they don't meet their deadlines. I never used to work on a writing schedule, but that was when I was just writing here on the blog so it didn't matter if I wasn't in the mood to write, etc.

Last year I found out about NaNoWriMo too late to sign up for it but I began furiously writing anyway. I had gotten all but the ending of a novel written. Then I took a few days off which turned into nearly a year since I've worked on it. How does that happen?

Right now I'm working on a short story, one similar to the short story challenges I've done here, but way different. L^2 actually put one of my stories in her guide dog puppy auction, a story that hasn't even been written yet. If anyone bid, they would get to give me the sparks to write the story. Someone actually bid on it! And bid a lot haha! Her sparks are totally different than the ones I've gotten here, each one actually an integral part to the story and one has actually required some research, so it's been fun coming up with the plot, characters and setting. I'm sorry, but you won't get to read it when it's done. It's all for the winning bidder.

I've been doing some work for the new venture but again, the schedule I mentioned earlier? Yeah hasn't been incorporated quite yet. I'm testing times of day where writing happens naturally for me and I think it's mornings. B is off this week so I haven't implemented it yet since when he's off, my normal schedule is a bit skewed. I think I've figured it out though, that mornings are best. So, when I implement it, the phone will be turned off, email, chat and Twitter will be turned off and the writing will commence.

That's my hope, anyway. Best laid plans and all that.

In lifely news, it's still hot. It's September sixth and it's still hot. Muggy even. August was awful. Humidity without real rain to break the pressure. I was really sick a few weeks ago. Had to go to the doc even. Had to go on these horrific meds. The cure was worse than the ailment and I haven't even returned to the gym because the med can cause tendon tears. Lovely. It hasn't been a fun month.

Soon though, soon, the weather will break and Jay and I can go walking again. Not stupid little short bursts or just enough during laundry. I can't wait.

After I recovered for the most part, Jay and I did laundry one day and I was curious how he'd do since we hadn't really worked much. I do obedience routines every day but still. Let me tell you, it was like he said, "we're working? Yay! I'm gonna do the best job ever so you won't worry." And he did. Normally he waits for my cues when going to the laundry even though he knows where to go. He would still pause and wait for me to say ok but that day he flew. It was incredible. His work is always impeccable no matter how much time he's had off. He still amazes me.

We do need to work on people distractions however. It happens mostly when I'm out with B. I don't know why Jayden isn't himself when we're out with b. Is it because B is his other person? I have no idea. He doesn't want to follow and he wants to say hi to every person we encounter. It's truly bizarre.

I had the idea that next time we go out and I need Jay to follow B, I'm giving B some kibble. Always go back to the food with a lab, right? ;)

Give B the kibble, if Jay follows him to the destination, he gets the kibble. We're going to try that and see how it goes. Any ideas why he doesn't want to follow B properly?

Hopefully I'll get to keep writing here. blogger introduced a new editor I haven't tried and won't bother trying. According to Twitter, even the sighted hate the new editor. If that eventually happens and Blogger botches things up too badly, I'll make the move to Wordpress. I don't want to have to do that, so hopefully Blogger will keep this old simple editor around.

So, even though it's not November yet, I'm going to try and get back into blogging here. It seems when I'm blogging here, it ignites the writing elsewhere. It also gets me back in touch with the outside world, something that has gone away over this summer. Twitter has been my primary source of companionship. Maybe it'll get better when it cools off.

Maybe I'll start writing something daily now, even if it's just a dumb short post just to post. I miss having this blog active. Ok, Miss Commitment part of my brain? Wake up!!

"Someone to Watch Over Me" is a very scary song

2011-09-01T09:28:00.001-07:00

Friday I wrote about reading, "From the Corner of His Eye" by Dean Koontz. I mentioned playing cards and quarters but I failed to mention the song, "Someone to Watch Over Me".

I sang that song in choir. It's not a scary song. But in the Koontz book, it had a supernatural connotation to it. I won't write any more about that so I don't spoil the book. I'll just say the song fit in well with quarters and playing cards.

I just started another book that Georgie bought me because she just finished it and loved it. It's, "One Day" by David Nichols. This book isn't scary, not in the super natural sense or crime drama way, maybe in the coming of age way and the alcohol afflicted way but that's another blog post.

I lay in bed last night and turned on the book and dissolved into that world and the female character was on a date and in the lounge the pianist was playing "Someone to Watch Over Me".

My heart stopped. My breath caught. My eyes widened. I was transported from the restaurant and the couple's date to the world of Koontz in the blink of an eye. That song, where is the detective, where are the quarters, oh my. I missed a few sentences of the book as I pondered the meaning of the song, a song that will always remind me of that detective and that maniac.

That is one powerful book, if it invades the next book I pick up and causes the same physical reactions yet again. I wonder if it will fade over time or if some day I can hear that song without the hair on my arms raising like a plant greeting the sun.

Koontz has me on a roller coaster with 'From the Corner of His Eye'

2011-08-26T09:51:00.001-07:00

I need to write something purely for catharsis' sake. So I'm going to write about a book.

Back when I was getting ready to head off to guide dog school I downloaded two books. 'Uglies' by Scott Westerfeld and 'A Big Little Life' by Dean Koontz. I didn't read the book about a dog because I knew it would have a sad ending.

I finally started it a couple weeks ago when I needed to zone out and I haven't finished it yet so I haven't reached the sad ending. It's a great book, not just about Trixie the dog but about Dean Koontz and his wife and their life. He mentions one of the books he wrote, 'From the corner of His Eye'. It intrigued me, his mention of it, because it's about a little boy who loses his eyes just before he turns four, but then he gets sight back as a teen. Koontz talks about how when he wrote the first chapter, he had no idea how he would manage to give the boy his sight back, but he managed it. I bought the book.

I haven't finished it yet so if you've read it, please don't put any spoilers in the comments haha. I decided to write about this because it's something solid and something just between Dean Koontz and me, as I listen to his words.

This is the first Koontz novel I've read. It has provoked the most physical and emotional responses of any book I've ever read I think. The bad guy in the book makes me sick to my stomach and the other characters are wonderful and intriguing and when they ride in a car I hold my breath.

The most compelling event so far was when the boy found out he would lose his eyes. His mother was reading him books and the boy mentioned how it's not the same and I couldn't help but marvel at the fact that the book was being read to me. I wondered if the narrator thought of about that as he read the book into the recording. Did he wonder if the blind would hear it?

I cried as the mother and son found out about his fate. I thought to myself, at least he knew it would happen, at least he could prepare. However is that the better way? He didn't have much longer than I did, only a few days, to prepare for life in the dark.

Last night as I read he came home from the hospital and was determined to find his way inside by himself. I smiled at the determination. I remembered when I came home and got lost in my apartment. I remembered my determination, the acceptance of it all.

As his mother tucked him into bed he begged her to not be sad, because he wasn't sad. He was frustrated yes, but not sad. Memories from my own new blind life cascaded in a flood of emotion and amazement that Koontz captured that moment so rightly, at least in the way I experienced it.

I see myself in this boy now. Which makes me fear even more for him, this character in a book. I can't even begin to predict what might happen because I've discovered Koontz to be a master at the twist, at least in this book.

What started out as fear of quarters and playing cards has turned into a longing for those quarters and a hope that the playing cards resolved themselves already. If you've read the book, you'll understand. For awhile I wanted to crawl out of my skin when reading and now I want to protect the boy and his mother and even the little girl who we're finally following. Her mother, oh no, her mother. Is she going to be ok? Oh no.

I think I dissolve so much into books because I totally escape. Though last night I had a hard time concentrating.

What punched me in the stomach the most was when the title was explained. In a conversation between mother and son the title was explained and I cried and cried at the beauty of it.

I'm almost afraid to reach the end. I've definitely wanted to put the iPhone in the freezer but alas, that can't happen. What will I want to do to it at the end? I mustn't throw it. Perhaps I'll try to contact Mr. Koontz. I hope I won't have to admonish him for killing one of my beloved characters.

I just had to write. I had to write about something other than life or the things I love. I had to take myself back into that world, if just for a little bit, until it's time to dissolve into it again tonight and leave my world behind.

It just takes one e-mail

2011-08-15T14:24:00.003-07:00

All it takes is one e-mail from a reader asking if I'm ok and I'll deliver a post. I don't know where to start or what to write, to be perfectly honest. It's been a rough month. I've been having a hard time doing much writing and I feel bad writing here if I haven't written at Rays Colored Glasses I'm working on a post there that I really like, but things always come up during the refining process. Today it's illness.

I'll spare you the gory details but I'm just not well today so I'm spending fragmented amounts of time on the computer. The weather here has been all over the place so the MS has been flaring worse this summer than I've ever felt. Today I think it's more of a bug thing. This too shall pass.

For the most part things are normal. Jayden is fine, everyone's fine. I'm…not gonna lie. I said before it's been a rough month. However, I'll get through it; I always do.

I almost just wrote that I'll try and post more, but I can't guarantee that, so I'll just say I'll post when I can. :)

Just a test

2011-07-26T10:38:00.004-07:00

Evan {Longoria}

Need to "view" something in a code and the other server is down. Sorry for a nothing post.

Oops better check {Reid Brignac} Ah, that takes out the brackets. Darnit.

Where've I been?

2011-07-23T13:49:00.004-07:00

I've neglected the Roof! Oh no, haha. Oh man I've been busy. It was quite the learning curve, getting used to writing on a Wordpress blog when I'm so used to Blogger, but everything got smoothed out and I'm feeling much more comfortable with it. If you're curious about my new baseball writing, check out {link removed} There's a post about Evan Longoria that I wrote and then felt bad. You all know how much I love him, but I got pretty harsh. The last two games, he's looked a lot better. Keep proving me wrong, Evan!

I was really struggling with apprehension about my ability to cover sports, but the blog brought me on board based on my writing about the Rays here, so I've just tried to bring in my style while tailoring it a bit. Fore example, I don't do the haha and hehe and smily faces there haha!

It's hard to express tone without that stuff, I've noticed. It's been a ton of fun. Right now the lead writer is busy with non blog stuff so I was asked to do the game recaps this weekend. I've done a little more than recaps, since some interesting things happened and I couldn't let them go uncovered.

So, that's been eating up much of my computer time, sifting through Twitter and writing and taking notes. I'm thinking I can't really write much about the Rays here anymore. Conflict of interest? You'll just have to check out the other blog if you're curious. ;)

Everything else is going fairly well. The weather has been up and down like crazy, and so goes my physical health. I had a really bad week last week it was I think. There were times when I was sitting on the couch but felt like I was on a boat suddenly. That is not a fun feeling. I also felt like I had a few mini mental blackouts. I'd suddenly be aware of where I was sitting. Just bizarre. The brain fog was horrible! Knock on wood, things have calmed down. I think it was a combination of the crazy weather and the new writing venture, as well as a sixteen inning ball game that started it.

Jayden is doing great, but this isn't a Diaries post, so I'll devote a post just to him, possibly today. Once the game starts, it's all baseball.

I've neglected a bunch of emails too, while learning the new site. A lot of things got pushed to the side a bit, so I'm playing a bit of catch up now. Ketchup. Haha, Pulp Fiction reference…brain all over the place. ;)

I think that's about it with me, actually. I'll see if my arms will allow another post, with all the writing I've been doing they're quite sore!

Testing testing, nothing to see here

2011-07-16T15:30:00.004-07:00

Oh will Evan Longoria appear as a link? James Shields? Emeel Salem?

Here's hoping.

Oh thank you God! It worked!

I was testing an automatic linker script, in case anyone clicks this post. I could delete it. Probably should, but someday I'll be reading through my blog and remember this day. So it stays. :)

Doggy Diaries - Happy birthday to my Mellow Yellow!!

2011-07-15T15:07:00.003-07:00

Jayden is three today! I can't believe it. I found the post I wrote on his birthday last year and I think I said it all last year haha!

At the time, I thought he was in the womb the day I went blind, but he would have been conceived just shortly after. I still believe he was made just for me. We spent the day today playing and relaxing together. That is if you consider attacking my house relaxing haha! I find it rather cathartic to tackle the apartment with all the cleaning power I can muster and I've got a blister on my thumb to prove it.

I've spoiled Jayden every chance I've gotten during breaks from cleaning, with a Kong Wobbler every few hours and some peanut butter this morning. He got so excited this morning when I took a break from cleaning that he went on an epic run around the apartment. I'm sure he doesn't know it's his birthday, but he does know that he's getting even more love, which means he's getting a ton because he already gets lots of it. :)

The other night I discovered something that cracks me up. Jayden and I were having our evening snuggle and he was laying on his side. I started blowing raspberries, kind of. I put my face on his side and blew air through pursed lips. He would lay there all content and I'd do that and he'd jerk his head up as if to say, "what on God's green earth are you doing woman???" It was like when you make a funny noise for a baby and they can't stop laughing, so you do it over and over again. Only I was the baby. I couldn't stop!

I did that again today during one of our snuggle sessions and the reaction was the same, seining me in to peels of laughter. It's been a good day. He's currently passed out on the couch, but after I post this, we're gonna have a game of hide and seek, his favorite.

It's been an emotional couple of weeks. Today I'm filled with joy about Jayden's birthday, but this date also holds another significance, one of a life ending a year ago. Laughing one minute and tearful the next, depending on what song came on iTunes, sorrow and gratitude, trying to celebrate the life of a woman I only had the pleasure of knowing for a brief time, the emotional roller coaster has been a bit wild.

I can't wait for B to get home in a bit so I can just be with him. There are just some days when it's clear that every hour is a celebration, every touch, every whisper, every smile, is something to cherish.

Ok, now that I've made myself all misty, I'm gonna go play that game of hide and seek. :)

Oh, and the Rays play Boston tonight. How bout a win for me guys? That'd be great, thanks.

Doggy Diaries - Jayden saved my face

2011-07-14T15:12:00.001-07:00

O & M 101: Pay attention, even if you're just relieving your dog.

My brain was running on safety mode, either that or my RAM was handling too many processes as I relieved Jayden this afternoon. You know you're foggy when you lose your orientation on on a tiny patio. I thought I was walking towards the door…

With cat-like reflexes and a speedy processor, Jayden leaped in front of me, blocking my path!

Ok, he didn't actually leap. But he did put his body in front of me and kept my face from colliding with the stucco wall. That would have been very, very painful.

He wasn't working and was on a loose leash. What an amazing dog. What would I do without him?

Doggy Diaries - Time-out, dog distractions and handler injuries

2011-07-13T19:11:00.002-07:00

I can't seem to write about baseball right now so I decided to write about Jayden, since it's been awhile.

As per usual during the desert summer, we're stuck inside, which is getting old really fast. I try and create situations for us to work, like walking all over Saavi after I'm done working out. usually it's fairly uneventful and done just to exercise him. Today however, we had some fun challenges and an opportunity for a good re-work.

We were just starting out walk after I worked our when Lisa's voice was suddenly very close, informing me I was about to run into her. Jayden was about to just plow through a group of people talking in the hallway, one of whom was Dave. Dave! Jayden hasn't seen Dave in forever so I'm guessing he was going to walk right through everyone to go say hi to him.

I was laughing but quickly composed myself so Jayden wouldn't think the mistake was ok. I had him sit, which took him a minute. When he finally obeyed after a correction, I pointed at Lisa and said careful. The group was nice enough to stay put so I could rework it.

We walked away and back towards them and Jayden slowed down and very carefully walked around the group. I got excited and kibbled him and then we tried it from the other direction. He decided to stop and "show" me Lisa before weaving us around her haha!

After that I was talking to another friend about his decision to get a guide dog and Jayden would not stay sitting. My friend was like, "I can't wait to get one of those," in a joking manner. Jayden was distracted because another guide dog was in the area. Turns out we had three guide dog encounters today, great practice!

I used a new technique I learned about on another blog. Sorry, but I'm too applesauce headed to find the post and link. Anyway, it's the time out pose. With the dog sitting, you just hold their collar with your left hand, close to your body. It calmed him down immediately. He actually wasn't acting hyper before that, just a little distracted. We stood like that as another guide dog team passed and then I worked Jayden into the lobby.

I swear to God I could hear him thinking, "uh oh, she's never done that before. I must have really disappointed her. I'm gonna be totally perfect now! Sorry mom, I forgot I was a guide dog for a minute!"

I wasn't even disappointed in him. He simply had a dog moment but it wasn't terrible. He hasn't seen many people at all lately except for Gamma and B, because we haven't had any visitors in awhile. Hopefully that will change when Carol gets back, and I also found out today that Kevin is in town, yay! Hopefully I'll go swimming with him and his son next week.

Jayden loves people, so I'm sure that's why he tried to say hi to that group today, especially since Dave was there.

as part of exercise for Jayden, I get him riled up at least once a day and he goes on a run around the apartment. There's not a lot of room, so he just goes back and forth along the length, running at full force and jumping into me. I've started crouching down and putting my arms over my head because he bounces into me pretty hard. I laugh so hard when he does this I think it eggs him on. a couple days ago, his back nails scraped my arm and it hurt at first but hasn't since. Apparently he left a pretty good mark because even a visually impaired person saw the contrasting colors of the bruises today hahaha! She had to laugh when I said B hadn't noticed it. She said to make sure I tell him a visually impaired chick could see it, so why didn't he notice? I guess it's pretty bad, though it really doesn't even hurt.

You know what does hurt? Dropping a Kong Wobbler on your foot. I really recommend not doing that.

Jayden will be three on Friday. Can you believe it!!! Three! Wow. I can't wait for a day of total and absolute spoiling. Not that he isn't already spoiled. But it'll be more so on Friday.

Next week he's going to smell like a hippy since I'm taking him for a bath. I'm going to the self grooming place, but I'm actually going with the full service. They won't take him from me for an hour and a half like Petsmart would so since I'll still be with him, I'm gonna let the professional do it. I want nails clipped and glands expressed. If you're wondering what that is, check out this video of Evan Longoria grooming a dog. I recommend not eating anything when you click that. You've been forewarned.

Thanks for the laugh

2011-07-12T12:46:00.003-07:00

If my last post was any indication, I was in desperate need of a good laugh. Twitter and {link removed} just came to the rescue. {link removed} Go on, read it, go on, it's funny and full of awesomeness!

(I don't like deleting posts, but I had to remove the links. I'm sorry.)

Financial security shaken

2011-07-12T12:14:00.002-07:00

I really miss the days when I was healthy and self supporting. Relying on the government for my security comes with its own set of self esteem killing issues and today it's made worse with the possibility that Social Security checks won't go out in August.

Is this a ploy by the president to prompt action? I sincerely hope so. However did he think about the fact that this statement would strike fear into the hearts of those of us who are sick and need help?

Today has been somewhat blah anyway. I can't believe just how much writing one piece completely zapped me. I tend to forget that I am, indeed, disabled. I'm a quite high functioning blind person but when it comes to the MS? It's such a land of the unknown. I know my eyes don't work. That never changes. It's been this way for over three years now. But I am never prepared for the onset of a fatigue when it hits and I never know when something like writing an article will bring it on.

There was a lot more than just writing, obviously. It was a whirlwind couple of days that brought on a deluge of emotions and questions and doubts. Mix that with some humidity, bake at 100 degrees and bam, hellos fatigue pie.

Huh?

I don't know. ;)

My brain is apple sauce today and finding out about about the possibility of no check in August has tipped me over, especially after spending the morning budgeting.

If saying that is a ploy, Mr. Obama, I hope it works. I also hope that next time you might think about what that kind of statement will do to those of us who rely on government help. Most of us hate that we have to rely on you, trust me. Most of us wish we could bring in our own money and only have ourselves to count on.

This post is all over the place but I don't care. I'm all over the place and it's my blog so it matches me. I wish I could go scream at trains, but it's too hot and there's no indoor trains. Hey, at least I have my humor.

Writing revealed and spoon thief busy

2011-07-11T18:57:00.001-07:00

I meant to post here much earlier today, but the spoon thief has had its way with me. The monsoon season has definitely hit and while yes, Arizona is a dry heat, the humidity we do have is wreaking havoc on me. The last few days have also been such a whirlwind that I'm left rather drained haha!

Ok so on to the writing project I mentioned. Here it is! I was going to write more about how it all happened but I'm suddenly really not feeling well, so I'll end this with a plug to Fansided, a fabulous sports blogging network.

I'll try and write more on all this tomorrow.

Relaxing piano

2011-07-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Just want to share this video of Emeel Salem playing piano.

It was just what I needed to relax after a long day of writing. I thought I'd share the smile!